Perfection is a Broken Sherbet Lemon

So I want to reassure you this isn’t going to turn into a rant about how everyone is perfect and how you are a unique little snowflake just the way you are, because let’s face it, there are seven billion of us, so chances are at least one other person on this rock known as Earth is pretty similar to you. I’d like to make the point that even though everyone may fantasise about their dream partner, in reality it is not only a) impossible, but also b) not as great as it seems.

Think about your entire life so far; have you ever met anyone you would consider perfect, of those you have actually got to know? It’s all very well saying “omg James Masters is the perfect guy”, but if you haven’t spent a week in close proximity with him (as in living together, not stalking), you have no guarantee that he doesn’t use the bathroom with the door open or snore. There are a lot of people who waste their time trying to be their own idea of perfect, this too is futile; your efforts are sure to be so for a large percentage of people you encounter.

The next point that I would like to raise is that if you spent a lot of time around someone you considered perfect, things would become boring, annoying and bad for your self-esteem. I would like to cite this fictional but rather awesome example:

Questionable Content

My favourite webcomic features one woman who was driven crazy be her perfect boyfriend and cheated on him. His response? "I'm disappointed, but I think we can make this work, is there anything I can do to make you happier in this relationship?" Not what she wanted to hear.

A more applicable real life example, that you may be able to relate to, is that one person in your class that seems to have it all sorted. The one I know (let’s call her C) is in my physics class, she works super hard, always does her homework, has a place to study at Oxford and is very musically talented.  In short, I idolise her. I’m sure that there are areas of her life she feels inadequate in that I just don’t know about yet, but that doesn’t help my ego when she tells me she’s done roughly 150% of the revision I have. So, to sum up, she is a lovely person but a) it would be very strange is she were indeed perfect and b) she makes me feel like a failure. Imagine if you lived with this person and were not as awesome; I’m not sure it would end well.

Another completely fictional example is from a book I read a few years ago (of which I cannot remember the characters names, title or author), in which the protagonist has a near death experience and blurts out her secrets, including her plan for a perfect date. I could ramble about this for ages but to synopsisize, a man overhears her and takes her on this perfect date. One element was she wished to drink pink champagne, which of course he ordered for her. However she sees some fancy cocktails going past and laments her loss of the freedom to try them. Perfection is boring.

Have you ever tried arguing with a perfect person, assuming this rare breed does in fact exist, or falling short of that, someone with the moral highground? It’s no fun, and coming from a long line of bitches I need my daily argument. Also if you never argue or get mad at each other, how can you have make-up sex?

So to conclude (the phrase every English teacher hates to see) if you had a perfect partner it would be boring, annoying and bad for your self-esteem. Which is exactly why my current boyfriend is perfect. 

p.s the reason broken sherbet lemons is perfect is because it increases the surface area of the sherbet, so you get maximum fizz, which by the way, is an endothermic reaction.

Note: I'm very sorry the comic in the post didn't work out as well as I'd hoped (as some kind anon pointed out), here's the link to the specific strip http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1028, but I highly recommend reading the entire thing, yes, all 2000 strips.