Monday, 7 May 2012

Happy Touching Yourself Month! :D

Up until my esteemed colleague Eli informed me of May's secret identity, I thought of it as a dull month. Wearing glasses and a boring grey suit, on the outside May was just another month, the plain Jane of the family when compared with the hot-headed August or the cool, magical December. However, in 1995, a group of specialists called Good Vibrations worked through the night to change May, to give it powers previously unheard of, that it may use in its role as the superhero... National Masturbation Month.

Pictured above: the results of me trying to find a safe picture on Google involving "superheroes" and  "masturbation".
You see, Good Vibrations quite rightly thought that, for all the good masturbation does for the world, its a remarkably under-appreciated activity. How often do you have full complete conversations about masturbation, without 90% of the words spoken being dick jokes? As in, talked about it in the same manner as you'd talk about what you're having for dinner, or which toothpaste you use? Because we really should.

Here are some of the proven benefits of masturbation:
  • It eases depression - sexual stimulation releases chemicals in the brain that can combat those blues we all feel from time to time.
  • It may reduce your likelihood of prostate cancer (if you're male, that is) - while no causal link could be established, there was a correlation between increased instance of masturbation and ejaculation and decreased instance of prostate cancer.
  • It can ease breathing - it reduces the size of engorged swollen blood vessels, including those in the nose and throat. 
  • It poses little risk - you're significantly unlikely to give yourself an STD (even touching a coldsore before touching yourself can't do any damage).
  • It makes you god-damn happy.
"No no, I don't need any of these - my Redtube membership is all I need to live."
So yes, we Homojournalist fully endorse masturbation, and so we're jumping on the bandwagon and having a week devoted to it. Expect at least 10 dick jokes by Sunday.

Apologies for the shorter than average post, but English exams and the baking of cakes have limited my free time. Luckily that shouldn't be the case next week... week it'll be Russian, Biology and Economics limiting my time.

As per usual, we're open to any comments, strange ramblings and dick jokes you feel like sending us at, I'm off to relax and reduce the size of my engorged nasal blood vessels,

Until next time,


I bet you sat there and imagined me reduce the size of my engorged nasal blood vessels as well, filthy people.

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