"Utterly deceptive twaddlespeak, says I"

When we agreed on this week’s theme my first thought was “Huzzah! I can write about how swinging has destroyed my already rather pathetic and dull love-life.” My second thought was “I need some coffee, then I’ll get started on this thing.” Hilarious phrases and cynical comments quickly passed through my mind as I stood in front of the fridge searching for the milk; I was chuckling to myself without realising – it was only when my mum walked into the kitchen and asked “What’s so funny?” that my creative skills were put to the test. “Oh,” I replied, “I was just thinking of that scene in Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason where she proudly declares she’s in a double relationship with a guy called Ben and a guy called Jerry, and how much I wish that were the case for me too.” That was the best I could come up with on the spot, and I'm still not entirely sure she believes me (wait until next week for disbelief though…)

Coffee made and milk successfully located, I returned to my room and opened up a fresh Word Document, and began writing UTTER BULLSHIT.

And so I promptly deleted what I'd already written.

That is the only phrase I can think of to sum up the twaddle I typed as I realised that I had absolutely no love life whatsoever, and as such have not been subject to swinging, nor been swung, nor swung someone, and if my pathetic love life ever sorts itself out, I don’t think I ever will either. I’m not sure if those phrases are actually the correct ones, but I have a large chocolate somethingorrather (“Spoilers!”) and four (sadly empty from last night) beer bottles next to me, so life’s good.

Then Mel decided she was going to write about swinging from Chandeliers, and I thought “bugger, that would have worked so well, but it’s already been done.” Sadface. I genuinely had no idea what to write, so I decided that I’d leave it until later on in the week 'till the point where I might be harassed (sexually or not) for having left it a little too late. Tuesday came and went, and it took me a while to realise that Mel hadn't actually written about Chandeliers, so IT WAS MINE FOR THE TAKING.

I promise, this was an accidental find, all I did was type in "swinging man chandelier" into Google...

And here we are. I'm writing, or rather, I have written about Chandeliers, and how much fun it is to swing from them. Next time you get your invitation to go to mine and Troy’s Royal Garden Party, be sure to take a moment to jump on the penis shaped chandelier we have in the toilets over in the west wing on the 12^th floor, and if you get the chance to swing from it, even better. Just don’t throw up, otherwise you’re cleaning up, and for your own sake, don’t break it or pull it from the ceiling, otherwise you’re paying for a new one. And you won’t be invited next year.

By the way, I was determined to get a Pirates of the Caribbean reference somewhere in this post, I'm not sure why... the title was the best I could do, since none of the pictures Google would give me were what I was after...