Writing is to blogging what masturbation is to sex.

Source: goodreads

We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie. ― Joycelyn Elders, "Abstinence", Penn & Teller: Bullshit! (Showtime), 5 June 2006

“My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

“I suffer from tennis elbow. It’s an old masturbating injury from when I was training to go into politics.” ― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand.”  ― Robert Clark

“Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate?” ― Robert Clark

“If I'm going to merely ramble, maybe I should just snuggle under the warm covers, think of Miu, and play with myself.” ― Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart (coincidence, Miu, I think not)

Source: wikiquote

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love. ― Woody Allen, in Annie Hall

You're gonna be pleasing each other, and if he already knows what pleases him, and he's gonna please himself, then why am I in the picture? ― Christine O'Donnell, "IX: The Safest Sex of All", Sex in the 90s (MTV), 1996

Self improvement is masturbation. ― Tyler Durden, in Fight Club

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. ― Woody Allen

I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something. ― Dave Attell

If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't 'taper off'. You've got to quit, cold jerky! ― Lenny Bruce

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it. ― Truman Capote

If God had intended for us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter. ― George Carlin

Masturbation: Shaking hands with the unemployed. ― George Carlin

My mother caught me. ― George Costanza from Seinfeld

Physics is to mathematics as sex is to masturbation. ― Richard Feynman

The only thing about masturbation to be ashamed of is doing it badly. ― Sigmund Freud

Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work. ― Karl Kraus

Masturbation is to sex as philosophy is to reality. ― Karl Marx

Sophisticated persons masturbate without compunction. They do it for reasons of health, privacy, thrift and because of the remarkable perfection of invisible partners. ― P. J. O'Rourke

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. ― Lily Tomlin

If you're going to gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. ― Mark Twain

Masturbation is just like procrastination, it's fun at first, but in the end you're just screwing yourself. ― Anonymous

No worries... It will not make you blind

National Masturbation Month. When I found out about it I was astonished, "No way!" I exclaimed. I did not understand the reasons that may push someone to decide to dedicate a whole month to… what may be considered a regular habit for the majority of people. I though it might be something silly like the "steak and BJ day". So I researched (just a bit, the internet has too much of an infinite amount of information for me to be bothered to look for stuff) and actually, the reasons for the existence of this month are rather good. Apparently this celebration began in 1995 in San Francisco as a response to the forced resignation of then U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders. After a speech at the United Nations World AIDS Day in 1994, an audience member asked Elders about masturbation’s potential for discouraging early sexual activity. The answer was: “I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.” So the purpose of National Masturbation month is to protest against Elder's unjust fairing while at the same time encouraging people to talk about masturbation.

Remember, it is not just guys

Something that confused me about the previous posts this week is how my fellow homojournalists (except Mel of course) have not been masturbating due to exams (although I believe this is a lie). They say that we are way to stressed and have too little free time to… enjoy ourselves (literally). As the pictures wisely points out, masturbation minimises stress, so surely this is exactly one of those times when masturbation is more useful. It relaxes you and clears your mind out and it doesn’t even require that much time (faster than sex don't you think?).

I don't see anything wrong with that, do you?

Sure, masturbation is a personal and intimate matter and you would not want someone walking in on you, but so is sex and yet everyone talks about that (or maybe it is just us... huh, an eventuality I had not considered). The great majority of people masturbate, although men more than women. Now, why is that? Probably women are simply more prude and for some weird reason feel like masturbating is something to be embarrassed because it would make them dirty (some reminiscent from the ideal of virginity?). Well let me tell you something, dirty is the new hot, ESPECIALLY if you are a girl. I have yet to encounter a porn video on male-masturbation o.O ...and I hope I never do.  Furthermore, it is more difficult for a guy to make a girl cum than the other way around. This is because the nature of a female orgasm is different than that of a guy, reason why, as Mel pointed out, the existence of female orgasm actually needed to be discovered. It is also true, whether you know this or not, that female orgasm is also something to be learned (I know right!). Now by that I don't mean literally, but it is true that orgasms get better with maturity and habit. Many say that female orgasms need practice, and what better way than to explore oneself to find out what exactly you like? Everyone is different; you are the only one who can tell your man what you like so you too can have a (more than just) pleasurable experience.

If you are this prude girl who doesn't believe she needs to masturbate well, you are wrong. Let sex & the city teach you something and introduce you to: "the Rabbit"… just don't get addicted.

Due to explicit content I am unable to directly upload the video. But do WATCH it, it is worth it (for the ignorant: you are meant to click on "watch" to see the video but otherwise here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-RozcHd08k&feature=related )

Sorry for the short post, but unfortunately I have biology waiting for me… no not the fun one, the one you actually have to study on books, in school, that you have to take an exam… hmm, if you have a brain that feeds on innuendoes there is just no way of getting around this.

I will just like to add that I have concentrated on female masturbation for 2 reasons:

1- I am a girl
2- I believe guys don't really need any further encouragement

See you next week!

Love,

Miu xx

P.S. Don't forget to e-mail us at homojournal@gmail.com for any questions, comments, request or if you are bored and have nothing better to do. We are available 24/7 (that is 24 minutes every 7 hours) so try your luck!

You should all be having sex with yourselves.

I’d like to start this week’s post with an apology: this will seem very rushed, however the majority of my foolish Homo-Journalists decided late on Sunday to change this week’s theme from Coming Out to talking about masturbation, causing me to reschedule my planned post until next week and blitz this. So you will all have to make do with yet another short post from me, however I promise next week’s post will more than make up for two short ones.

So, you will no doubt have gathered that the month of May, in all its simultaneous gloriousness and horribleness (glorious because I’m going to New York at the end of the month; horrible because of the exams which I have now finished. I pity my fellow Homo-Journalists for all studying Biology.) is officially masturbation month. And we, being the sexually frustrated people that we are, have discovered this, and have chosen to exploit this, and you’re all going to come out of the end of this week never being able to think of [insert innuendo here] in the same way again. Ever.

“What is the purpose of this insane month?” I hear you all cry. Well, in all honesty, I’m not sure I can answer your plead, so let’s all just assume that the organisers of this month (if there are people sad enough to organise masturbation month) are all trying to tell us to go and have sex with ourselves, because if we do it all the time and never stop, we might not develop prostate cancer (that’s a valid argument, if you don’t believe me, read this article). But our daily lives and routines are all too full of revision and shopping and vodka and jelly babies (and also chocolate cake) to be able to successfully incorporate a daily masturbation session into our routine. Unless we all switch off the BBC News at 10 and do it then – who wants to listen to Ed Miliband insulting and shouting at Dick (sorry – Dave and Nick) about the recession, or some other sleazy scandal which will no doubt come to light in the time between me writing this in the early hours of Monday morning, and it going live at 10a.m. on Friday.

Before I descend into a mad rant about the apparent incompetence of our silly government, or about how everyone on this tiny little planet leads a much too busy life to be able to fit in a sneaky wank here and there, I shall leave you with the following advice: never type 'masturbation month' into YouTube in the hope that you'll find a quirky video to finish this post off with; it will burn your eyes.

Touch My Sugar Walls

Firstly my dear readers I must apologise for the late posting of this post. There’s a good story behind it. Funnily enough related to this week’s topic- masturbation. A close friend was ‘getting to know herself’ when one of her false nails came off. She was so caught up in the heat of the moment she didn’t realise and it got stuck up her noonoo. I had to hold her hand in hospital while a fit doctor in A&E pulled it out with a pair of sharp looking tweezers...

Ouch!

Obviously, I’m joking. Although, I have it on good authority that things like this do actually happen. As a future medical student I follow with interest the weird and wacky emergencies known as one-perecenters. One-perecenters are the injuries so embarrassing that on the hospital bed assignment board the injury description is noted as 1%. Nobody wants to be known as Mr Smith, Bed 3, Carrot up arsehole after all. So, I understand why people might be embarrassed about false nail masturbation mishaps, but why is there such a taboo in general?

Let me begin with a disclaimer of sorts. Masturbation? Who me? Never. Wouldn’t even dream about it. The vibrators I have are for decorative purposes only I swear. The handcuffs are for the zombie apocalypse. The lube is for my flute. Etc etc etc. Now I’ve made that clear we can move on.  The female orgasm was only discovered and made official about 60 years ago.  I’m not judging anyone, but if I had been on that team of scientists I reckon it would have been discovered a hell of a lot sooner.

Wanking, tossing off, jacking off, jerking off it goes without saying that the guys do it. Well almost all of them anyway. Us girls on the other hand... We’re virginal Disney princesses, locked in our towers left to wash our golden hair over and over again until the prince comes along and fucks us senseless. Nobody thought to point out to Rapunzel that there are more entertaining  things to do with your time in the bath or shower.

Nobody talks about female masturbation, there’s not even a good word for it. Just masturbation, which seems clumsy and crude. I’m not going to get into the technical psychology behind it all here, but, as far as I can tell it’s completely normal for a girl to masturbate, healthy even. Cosmo would have us believe it's all giant purple jelly dildos and positions only a yoga teacher or contortion artist would enjoy. In reality it can be a lot more intimate then that, personal and relaxing. Magazines like cosmo make it seem obscene, unfeminine and sluttish. Don’t get me wrong, it can be all of those things, if that’s what floats your boat, sometimes obscene can be good when it comes to sex. The reason the taboo about female masturbation still exists is because only the obscene side is publicised.

Fack- Eminem 'That bitch can twist like a damn contortionist'

I have a close friend who told me a few years ago that masturbation was a sin. It was self-love and therefore wrong. Anyone who knows me, knows my massive ego, so of course I love myself! That’s not wrong at all! I might draw the line at staring at myself in the mirror while I get myself off....but still. When we have a headache we take a painkiller. When we’re thirsty we drink. So why do most girls ignore it when they get horny? The solution lies quite literally at their fingertips.

Thanks for reading. Have fun ; ) but don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!

Love Mel.

The Evolution of Porn

Happy Masturbation Month! Because I’m pretty sure the only person who wished to know my personal experiences with this topic is Miu, I decided to use artistic license and speak about porn, a closely related topic. Sorry if this post ruins everything fun about it for you, but I’m sure you’re partner will be impressed with your historical knowledge and if all else fails in your history exam you know where to turn in an attempt to amuse the examiner into giving you a good grade. I’m looking at Rory and his pheasants here.

Evidence of porn, or what could loosely be described as erotica, has been found in many ancient cultures. Think rock carvings and cave paintings. Although this is more likely to be involved with fertility and appreciation of female goddesses, rather than encouraging masturbation. But it has been suggested pornography serves an evolutionary purpose, so it is entirely plausible porn was hit upon as a method of encouraging procreation early on in society.

At last, a society where my food baby will be adored.

The era of porn really took off, mainly in impolite society, was the Victorian ages. Oh,yes, those ankles. However, they really owe it to the Romans, lots of erotic art was discovered during excavations of Pompeii, what else is the logical following action if not to try and emulate it. French impressionism was a big player here; art has traditionally been freer with its sexual connotations than most other forms of media. Can you imagine if the Sunday Times suddenly printed a naked picture of the Queen, in honour of her jubilee? Isn’t jubilee a lovely word? The Sun is of course the exception to the rule. The Victorians cottoned on pretty quick and soon passed laws making it illegal to distribute items of an “obscene nature”. Making it illegal to own (specific types, such as child pornography) is a relatively recent change in legislation, rather worryingly.

The official first English pornography in prose format was “Fanny Hill” by John Cleland, I’m not sure if this is the root of all M-rated fan fiction or if teenagers came up with that one all on their own. Magazines were the natural progression from literature and obviously as soon as moving pictures were invented (in 1895) some genius realised there was huge profit to be made. Some people argue that the reason the DVD really took off was because of how useful it was in the porn industry. But to believe that you probably need a slightly more cynical view of human nature than I possess.

Forget Google HQ. New dream workplace.

To move into evolutionary stages that directly affect you, my dearest readers, the growing market for porn aimed at females may have shaped the whole industry. Some estimates suggest that around 1 in 3 of online pornographic purchases are made by women. Steve Hirsch, CEO of Vivid Entertainment, estimates 30-40% of market is now female. What does this mean? I’m told there has been an increasing demand for more storyline, foreplay and romance. Perhaps this is influenced by the rise of the female porn directors and producers. Even the format and delivery of erotica is subtly changing; sites like redtube or youporn make it very easy to target what you want to watch, and avoid all the scary things that might ruin your entire childhood. Rule 34, if you can imagine it, it exists somewhere on the internet… Disney porn anyone? Sex shops that used to have a sleazy reputation are morphing into female orientated ‘boutiques’which make it sound a lot more classy and glamorous. Although none of this can explain to me the bizarre porn I watched the first five minutes of on tumblr, in which a lemon tree seemed to be pivotal to the plot….

Over and out,

Todostrieb

Ps. if anyone looks at my internet history I'm totally doomed.

Masturbation month, woop!

Apologies everyone for the EXTREEEME lateness, This week Mel and I have swapped posting days, in order to better accommodate our exam timetables. But I’ve been hooked up to my kindle for 9 and a half hours, face down in my bed,  listening to the audio book of “1984”. I have my English exam tomorrow. *sighs*. We exam students are unfortunate as to not be able to experience the pleasure of this month, but alas, there is no reason why you can’t enjoy it…..

The blog I got this from starts with.. "Allison Roh Park was 14 the first time she saw a man masturbating across from her on the subway..."

What is masturbation?

Well, one way of putting it, is “to have sex with yourself”, which… isn’t really the correct term, as you can do it in the company of others too.. the vulgar and blunt way of putting it, would be the manual stimulation of your genitals.

Don’t let the way I define it put you off… it supposively feels nice J

So how does one do this act?

Well dear reader, that is a delicate matter… people like different things, and also everyone has different things that rock their boat.. like eating ice-cream.. everyone has their favourite flavour, and different ways of eating it… oui?

Now, it would be ever-so awkward for me to tell you a detailed “how-to”… and I don’t think I’d be able to keep it PG, so, here’s some useful websites:

For girlies… The-clitoris.com 

For maleies…. www.mens-sexual-health.org/

Is it normal?

86.9% of males aged 18-19 and 66% of females aged 18-19 admitted masturbating at least once in their lifetime.  (Statistics from the Kinsey institute)

So *ahem*, obviously, this is not something to be embarrassed  about… more people masturbate than there are non-straight people…

What’s more, it looks like masturbation has stopped being just a singular act by the lonesome, people are masturbating with others too… there was also a survey (by the same institute), about masturbating with other people…

49.3% of males aged 18-19 and 38.8% of females aged 18-19 admitted to have done so in their lifetimes…

Now, that doesn’t seem to be very many, but if you look down the column at the “age 25-29” range, the number has increased to 69% of males and 64% of females , which is more than half of those questioned!!

Other statistics from the webbie

• In a study of undergraduate college students, 98% of men and 44% of women reported having ever masturbated (Pinkerton, Bogart, Cecil, & Abramson, 2002).
• Among undergraduate students, men reported masturbating an average of 12 times per month, while women reported an average of 4.7 times per month (Pinkerton, Bogart, Cecil, & Abramson, 2002).
• In a study of African-American women aged 15 to 64, 62% reported that they had masturbated at some point during their lives (Robinson, Bockting, & Harrell, 2002).
• About 60% of men and 40% of women reported masturbating in the past year (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994).
• Nearly 85% of men and 45% of women who were living with a sexual partner reported masturbating in the past year (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994).
• 35% of American men aged 18-39 do not masturbate while 37% masturbate sometimes, and 28% one or more times per week (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994).
• 53% of men and 25% of women masturbated for the first time by ages 11 to 13 (Janus & Janus, 1993).
• 5% of men and 11% of women have never masturbated (Janus & Janus, 1993).

But watch out Porn-lovers

In the UK, there may be a law passed very soon, that makes internet providers censor “Adult content” (quick, google this for more info), and make it necessary for people to “opt-in” to view adult content. For you to be able to continue to watch your favourite pornos online, you have to convince your parents…

Ah, the awkwardness for youngens to come makes me laugh… BUT, one thing that does worry me, is the awfully frequent amount of times that we’ve used words such as PENIS, and LESBIANS… Will our blog be censored too? Will I have to ask my mother nicely to “opt-in” to view “Adult content”?  I worry.

Yours worrisomely,

Eli x

comment, rate, subscribe, emaillllllll

Happy Touching Yourself Month! :D

Up until my esteemed colleague Eli informed me of May's secret identity, I thought of it as a dull month. Wearing glasses and a boring grey suit, on the outside May was just another month, the plain Jane of the family when compared with the hot-headed August or the cool, magical December. However, in 1995, a group of specialists called Good Vibrations worked through the night to change May, to give it powers previously unheard of, that it may use in its role as the superhero... National Masturbation Month.

Pictured above: the results of me trying to find a safe picture on Google involving "superheroes" and  "masturbation".

You see, Good Vibrations quite rightly thought that, for all the good masturbation does for the world, its a remarkably under-appreciated activity. How often do you have full complete conversations about masturbation, without 90% of the words spoken being dick jokes? As in, talked about it in the same manner as you'd talk about what you're having for dinner, or which toothpaste you use? Because we really should.

Here are some of the proven benefits of masturbation:

• It eases depression - sexual stimulation releases chemicals in the brain that can combat those blues we all feel from time to time.
• It may reduce your likelihood of prostate cancer (if you're male, that is) - while no causal link could be established, there was a correlation between increased instance of masturbation and ejaculation and decreased instance of prostate cancer.
• It can ease breathing - it reduces the size of engorged swollen blood vessels, including those in the nose and throat. 
• It poses little risk - you're significantly unlikely to give yourself an STD (even touching a coldsore before touching yourself can't do any damage).
• It makes you god-damn happy.

"No no, I don't need any of these - my Redtube membership is all I need to live."

So yes, we Homojournalist fully endorse masturbation, and so we're jumping on the bandwagon and having a week devoted to it. Expect at least 10 dick jokes by Sunday.

Apologies for the shorter than average post, but English exams and the baking of cakes have limited my free time. Luckily that shouldn't be the case next week...

...next week it'll be Russian, Biology and Economics limiting my time.

As per usual, we're open to any comments, strange ramblings and dick jokes you feel like sending us at homojournal@gmail.com, I'm off to relax and reduce the size of my engorged nasal blood vessels,

Until next time,

James.

I bet you sat there and imagined me reduce the size of my engorged nasal blood vessels as well, filthy people.

Guest Post - "In Retrospect, this post sucks."

I like to take a no bullshit approach to life, it seems to work. If at any given moment my position strays from the equilibrium (b—e—b where b = bullshit and e = equilibrium) I stop participating. When you realize that something has no effect on your life, it hits you like a brick. Whether it be a person, TV show, book series (not looking at Twilight fans) or an addiction, once you see that time is being wasted by interacting and/or participating, you close the book (seriously, Twilight fans).

This has been the case for me with many things. I used to watch Hollyoaks until one day I brought myself to say wtf and turn off the TV. Nowadays I rarely watch TV, not least because I access current affairs viapaper and Android apps. I took up photography, it’s working out brilliantly. I used to eat a lot of junk food through the course of the week, but after my budget expanded, I changed them to fruit. I like fruit. This particular example is quite specific, as ‘my budget expanding’ means ‘I am finally out of debt’ but you get the idea. A few times I just ran home from work because I got bored of cycling. It is possible you need an impulsive personality with a spice of instability in the family demographic.

However, the point remains unchanged: if you respect yourself and possess common sense, you will ensure you live a better and more fulfilling life. Right? Err…this is what makes me sad. Some people do not seem to have enough brainpower to even understand what common sense is. Another thing, there’s a lot of them.

So this post has now turned from a short boast to a longer boast about my superiority to others in correlation to one of the blog's previous themes (referring to gay-bashing)! Yeah, I’m arrogant like that. I don’t mean to say that you suck per se, but I would probably ignore you.

Do you see, dear reader, what I am doing? This is what gay-bashing or any form of discrimination and bullying feels like. Arrogant people like to maintain their arrogant ego, so consciously or unconsciously they will try to maintain their position. They won’t pick on their equals or anyone stronger - that would not boost their self-esteem and of course there’s a lower chance of success. They pick weak targets as scape goats - or at least seemingly weak targets.

Being honest, I personally do not care about gay-bashing; I've been bullied for having ginger hair – that is far worse as it starts at a much younger age. By the time you realise you’re gay (or others around you) it is most likely that you will have the tools and common sense (there it is again) to respond. If not…read this blog? Having read the posts, there are enough words and phrases that develop into tips and hints to be incorporated into your activities.

I realise my paragraphs do not flow like an A* Sociology essay, but I believe there’s food for thought.

Keep thinking, be the Devil’s Advocate.

Stokysta out.

Straight-crushes? But I am straight!

Ah, this is a topic I have loads to talk about! All my life I've had straight crushes, in fact, I'm even in a relationship with one! Is that not amazing?

No, you are right, it is not. Since I AM straight, I will dedicate myself to talking about gay-crushes, 'cause we all know normality is boring and I am sure you are way more interested in reading about awkward and embarrassing moments - well tough 'cause I don't have any embarrassing moments to dwell on.

My life doesn't happen to revolve around gays (yes I know I am the mascot of a gay group, yes lots of my friends are gay, yes I am an avid homo-journalist... your point being?)

I have never had a gay-crush! Well, not a real one at least. Sure, there are plenty of gay guys out there who are just plain hot and I would love to attempt to make them change their mind, I've just never actually met one. Now you might have seemed surprised, or cringed, or were just plain indignant, about my suggestion that it is possible to turn someone from gay to straight and viceversa (or maybe you just really don't care). Nonetheless, I am a true believer that no one is 100% anything (yes, you too!). I think we are all inherently bisexuals, though the extent of this may vary. As I am sure you have read in my first post (if not you better go and read it now!), I consider my self to be 99% straight, leaving that 1% out there just in case. Call yourself homoflexible, queer, or bi-curious, whatever the label, it really is not important. It is also not something to be ashamed of. I call my self straight just because I have no particular interest  in girls and I would never go out with one (or not one that I have encountered up until now), but you'll learn more about  that in days to come. Nevertheless, I would not mind having sexual interactions with a girl, if I felt like it in that moment, which is something my boyfriend very much appreciates as it means I am open to girl threesomes *rolls eyes*. Why is it that guys like the idea of girls getting off with each other anyways? Ok, so I guess some girls get off on gay sex too, but I still don't get it, so please comment or e-mail with an explanation. Thanks!

Back to the theme, I have never been interested in a guy or girl who has no interest in the female gender. Although for some time I thought I had a crush on a gay guy... Good thing it turned out he wasn't! Let me give you some advice, just because a friend of yours may tell you they are gay, it doesn't mean they are. So what to do when you are in doubt? Go up to them and just ask "are you gay/straight"? Cause that wouldn't be awkward at all. It depends on the person really. The options are two:

 a) he gets really annoyed at you for implying he is gay/straight and never talk to you again.

Congratulations you have now hurt his manly pride and he will cry himself to sleep for at least a fortnight and will spend the rest of his life desperately trying to affirm his masculinity (or gayness?). This person will be either a homophobe, in which case you should stay away on principle (who would want to go out with a homophobe? You better say no or I don't know what you are doing here); or he is gay and is now terrified that his secret is out (have you never seen glee?)

Guy on left had been bullying guy on right for being gay

So you can understand his surprise

b) He laughs and answers your question telling you just how many people think so.

Depending on the answer you can now move on to the next step (whatever that may be).


If you happen to fancy someone who is not interested in your sex, you can spend the rest of your life trying to get them to change their mind, but this may lead to them possibly hating you. Try to put yourself in their shoes: what if someone had a straight crush on me? I have to say this has never happened to me, and I confess it makes me feel oddly disappointed - why can't a girl fancy me? what is wrong with me?? But putting my ego aside, is it really that much different than a friend (who you will always just consider a friend) liking you?

Don't go all suicidal if you like someone who doesn't share your sexuality, there are plenty of fish in the sea and no one said they would've liked you anyway so get over yourself. Do you like someone that is not your "preferred" gender? So what. It happens, they are obviously just an amazing person and you might want to try it anyways, who knows what you might discover.

So if you are freaking about one of the above, just chill - all will be fine… Because I'll still be here next week ;)

Love,

Miu xx

P.S. Don't forget to e-mail us at homojournal@gmail.com for any questions, comments, request or if you are bored and have nothing better to do. We are available 24/7 (that is 24 minutes every 7 hours) so try your luck!

All the guys I like are straight... :(

Getting your straight best friend to like you in that sort of way is never going to be easy for any gay man. Or woman, for that matter. Unfortunately for me (and, dare I say, probably most of the gay population), it seems to be the only thing I ever end up doing, and all just to be repeatedly disappointed, let down and depressed when they kick you in the face after a trip to the toilet gone too far (this has not happened to me, I hasten to add).

Here's my situation. Since realising I was gay many moons ago, I've found myself crushing on at least 3 of my best friends, and many more random people I walk past on a daily basis in the corridor but have neither spoken to nor discovered their names. I *think* I've only ever told one of those friends how I feel towards him, and it doesn't seem to have dented our friendship in the slightest; it only makes those awkward moments at sleepovers all the more awkward by the occasional presense of an erection. Of the other two friends: one is in a sweet and loving relationship with a girl which unfortunately for me doesn't look like it's going to end any time soon; the other, a catholic who despite not minding the fact that I'm gay, refuses to stay alone in the same room with me without an open door through which he can escape should I decide to rape him, which despite my feelings for him, is unlikely. And now I won't say any more because anybody who knows me well enough can probably figure out who these three are.

True dat.

Even though I know that these three people are straight, in my youthful past that didn't stop me from trying my luck out anyway, despite knowing that I'd just get rejected and depressed. This has led to the following situations developing:

1. At least one of my straight crushes claims he's now been asked out by more boys than girls.
2. A certain awkwardness now dominates the atmosphere when I'm around at least one of my straight crushes, particularly when the conversation turns to something gay or relationship-related (which is always).

Perhaps I'm the wrong person to give advice on these sorts of things, mainly because of my shocking lack of success and/or experience in the relationships department. I stand by Jelly Babies and Vodka as being the best way for you to get what you want and when you want it.

And if what you want really is your straight best friend inside you, be sure to get them pissed out of their minds first.

Straight Crushes, and Pictures of Prince Poppycock

This is Prince Poppycock. Sadly, not me. 

What does one mean when they say “Straight Crushes”?

     a) When you fancy someone of the opposite sex
     b) When you fancy someone that’s straight, but you’re the same gender

Shall talk about a) first.

So, you’re gay, you’re out, you’re proud, and everybody knows you’re gay. But suddenly, you find yourself liking someone of the opposite gender. Panic.

You begin to wonder: Am I really gay? And sexual confusion kicks in .

The problem with these labels and stereotypes that we put on ourselves: sometimes, you’re so so sure that you fit in a box, and then BOOM, you changed shape, and now your body doesn’t fit in that box.

There is such a thing as “HOMOFLEXIBLE”.

ah, farmy animals <3

This is for people who are gay (or lesbian, or whatever you homosexuals like to call yourselves - I like the word “gay” better), who recognise, even though they are 99.9% sure that they are gay, that there might be the odd exception to their gayness, and a special person of the opposite sex may woo them.

So no need to worry folks, maybe that person is your ‘special exception’. And even though it is cheesy, I’m going to quote Marley “Don’t worry be happy”, and also just “go with the flow”(I don’t know where this quote came from). Do what feels right, and don’t think about it too much. If it turns out you're not that gay, it doesn't matter :)

Now, shall talk about b).

"I've met this wonderful guy, but he's straight... and I'm a gay guy..." I hate it when that happens :'( 

some princes like other princes

Life isn't always like fairy tales, unlike how we were led to believe when we were young. It's not always Princes and Princesses; some princes like other princes, and some princesses want their happily-ever-afters with other princesses. However, that doesn't mean that all princes want to rescue another prince, and sweep him off his feet; and that doesn't mean that all princesses want to be rescued by another dress-clad beauty. The happy ending doesn't happen, because you met the wrong prince or princess. You're gay, and they're not. 


Don't hit me, for saying this, but it's never happened to me.. That being said, I’ve fancied many-a-people who were “confused”, some worked, some didn’t. That’s life. Even when they’re into your gender, doesn’t mean they’re into you. Knowing that they’re straight just makes acceptance of the fact that it won’t work out, easier to deal with.

Also, if you don’t go for it, you’d never know whether you have a chance or not. A mistake I make often.

Even if it is widely known that they are “straight”, they may have just said this, to go along with public expectations and normality. They might be in the closet.

Sexual Harassment Panda

That being said, it’s probably not a good idea to just jump on them, and start face-sucking them. You don't want your ass kicked, or be charged with sexual harassment. Maybe say something that can be easily brushed off if all goes badly.

Advice 1: if it’s a no, it’s a no, move on. Don’t push too hard

Advice 2: stay away from trying to woo homophobes, you'll only get hurt.

Eli x


You know the drill, feel free to email us, and comment, and give us loads and loads and loads of feedback, so we can improve and become better homojournalists :)

This is Poppycock again :)


The source of Prince Poppycock's pictures = Gay.net
Read the article/ interview, if you must.

Giant Puddles Are Fun

Straight crushes, I’m sure we’re beginning to sound very much like a broken record, but it is yet another topic I have little experience in.  All of the rejections I have received I can assure you have been based solely on my personality. The girl I jokingly asked to prom told me “it’s not your gender it’s your personality”. She was probably joking too, to be fair I can be a bitch though, and now I have a boyfriend so really it all worked out roses.

Once upon a time a few of my friends had crushes on me, obviously they all have terrible taste, while I still thought I was straight. Having been in this situation my advice is; don’t be afraid to tell them, I was happier to know and did my best to avoid actions which may have hurt them further. Having a crush is not going to ruin a friendship, if they are truly your friend whom they crush on should not be an issue – the worst that can happen is changing in front of them is a little awkward (but I’m told guys seldom do that anyways). One awkward conversation is worth the potential gains, it’s a possibility you’ll get rejected, I can’t lie, but you never know – they might be willing to give it a try, or are secretly harbouring the mirror of your crush and are too scared to do anything. If the worst comes to the worst don’t be a stalker about it, give yourself some space and time to get over it (ensure you have adequately explained your feelings on the matter though, it hurts to have a friend ignore you without knowing why). Sometimes dragging it out is unnecessary torture to you. It may seem like this is the end of your friendship, your life, or the world. But in a few years you’ll look back and laugh, and if they’re a true friend they’ll be sitting next to you laughing too. Or, if they’re a best friend, at the bar buying a round of drinks.

New life ambition.

My advice to anyone whose friend confesses affection/crush/undying love: don’t be a dick. Seriously, I know where you live.

Lots of love,

Todostrieb

Bleached Blonde Badassery and High IQs

So, in a twist of fate or one of the homojournalists warped sense of ironic humour, the theme for week five is straight crushes.  Being a bisexual female, I’m going to assume straight crushes are my male ones. Being an international baccalaureate student with a fetish for colour coding (see fetishes, week 3) and a love of data processing I have made a Venn diagram.

Mel's straight crushes

As you can see my straight crushes fall into 3 main categories, the good looking, the intelligent, and the distinguished older males, although many of them overlap. Well I don’t really know what else to say. I have a taste for guys with bleached hair, quick wit and badassery, so sue me.

Having said all this, in real life I tend to fall for guys I am close friends with, and the ones that are mean to me. I can’t say why that is, I suspect many girls fall into the same trap. I reckon it’s because I like to test my ego and self confidence out constantly. Life is just no fun if you get away with everything. I need a little....bite in my relationships.

Sorry for the short post folks, In the middle of exams (doomdoomdoomdoom). But as always we’re happy to hear your comments, thoughts, and suggestions. We’re still accepting guest posts (see our spiffy link is at the top of this page) and I’d like to hear confirmation that my straight crushes are normal, so write in with yours!

Lots of Love,

Mel (the hot one) x

PS. Moriarty, all male homojournalists and Captain Harkness went without saying, so weren't included in the diagram.