Sunday, 13 May 2012

Writing is to blogging what masturbation is to sex.

Source: goodreads

We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie. ― Joycelyn Elders"Abstinence", Penn & Teller: Bullshit! (Showtime), 5 June 2006

“My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.” ― Chuck PalahniukChoke

“I suffer from tennis elbow. It’s an old masturbating injury from when I was training to go into politics.” ― Jarod KintzThe Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand.”  ― Robert Clark

“Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate?” ― Robert Clark

“If I'm going to merely ramble, maybe I should just snuggle under the warm covers, think of Miu, and play with myself.” ― Haruki MurakamiSputnik Sweetheart (coincidence, Miu, I think not)

Source: wikiquote

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love. ― Woody Allen, in Annie Hall

You're gonna be pleasing each other, and if he already knows what pleases him, and he's gonna please himself, then why am I in the picture? ― Christine O'Donnell"IX: The Safest Sex of All", Sex in the 90s (MTV), 1996

Self improvement is masturbation. ― Tyler Durden, in Fight Club

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. ― Woody Allen

I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something. ― Dave Attell

If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't 'taper off'. You've got to quit, cold jerky! ― Lenny Bruce

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it. ― Truman Capote

If God had intended for us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter. ― George Carlin

Masturbation: Shaking hands with the unemployed. ― George Carlin

My mother caught me. ― George Costanza from Seinfeld

Physics is to mathematics as sex is to masturbation. ― Richard Feynman

The only thing about masturbation to be ashamed of is doing it badly. ― Sigmund Freud

Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work. ― Karl Kraus

Masturbation is to sex as philosophy is to reality. ― Karl Marx

Sophisticated persons masturbate without compunction. They do it for reasons of health, privacy, thrift and because of the remarkable perfection of invisible partners. ― P. J. O'Rourke

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. ― Lily Tomlin

If you're going to gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. ― Mark Twain

Masturbation is just like procrastination, it's fun at first, but in the end you're just screwing yourself. ― Anonymous

4 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh no! Not another stranger masturbating over me! I mean... I know I'm incredibly good looking and all but seriously, who is this creep? D:

    ReplyDelete
  3. sorry, I thought you was asleep..

    ReplyDelete

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