I was going somewhere with this post...

Imagine the least sporty person you know. Give them a level of sportyness from 0 to 1, where 0 is "not at all sporty" and 1 is "this guy is the definition of sport." Once you've decided on how (un)sporty the least sporty person you know is, divide that number by a thousand, halve it, divide it by a thousand again, then divide it by four, just for good measure. Hopefully you should have a number with so many decimal places it's practically zero. If not, you need a new calculator. If you do, then that's just a fraction of how sporty I consider myself to be. It will come as no surprise then when I say that I couldn't really care less about the Olympics, nor much else to do with it, frankly - I had to live with hours of delays and plenty of road closures when a little flame went down a road on an obnoxiously large gold stick IN THE MIDDLE OF RUSH HOUR.

However, I will confess that I have a bit of a soft spot for certain sports concerning water... basically anything involving a pair of these:

Forgive me if the next few paragraphs ramble, this photo is directly in my field of vision and hugely droolworthy distracting.

In most cases, I will also have a soft spot for the person wearing them - think Tom Daley or the guy in that photo, or Troy, or Colin Morgan (I'm not sure if the latter wears them, and I'm desperately wishing/hoping the former does). In all of those most cases, I'd rather there was nothing there at all. 

I hardly need to point out exactly what it is about this particular Olympic sport which is so attractive - good looking thin guys with just enough muscle, none of whom look like a walking forest and have just enough gear to be able to pull off the above look without a) anything spilling out or b) wondering if there is actually anything under said speedo. I confess, once or twice I may even have considered taking up swimming myself, although weather this was a) to learn how to save myself from drowning if I needed to, b) to get fit and be able to boast a body of above description or c) for the locker-room antics which will inevitably occur, I'm never quite sure. I'm sure one day soon enough, I'll see the light and realise that taking up swimming is of course the perfect excuse for all three options.

I realise I haven't exactly been on-topic for quite a lot of this post - I can still see a sizeable amount of bulge in that photo - so to distract my mind (and yours, if you're not still staring), I was going to point out all the handsome swimmers in this years Olympics, like the charming Monsieur Lefert of France (who, by the way, is competing in the 100m Butterfly, 4x100m and 4x200m Freestyle relay and the 4x100m Medley relay, just so you know). However, as I was scrolling through the photos, it struck me that many of them look like former guests of Her Majesty, and it occured to me that I would have to eat my words about all swimmers being good looking. 

So that I don't have to do that, here is further proof that all swimmers are good looking. 

God bless... Australia?!

Happy drooling.