As I sit here writing this, weeks before it gets published, listening to the London Symphony Orchestra's cover of Bohemian Rhapsody and Eye of the Tiger (seriously, they're amazing, go and listen to it), I find myself struggling to come up with perks about being gay, aside from not having to worry about getting some girl pregnant. Because, lets face it, girls are ikky.
This rather obvious fact comes with a very useful by-product: I won't have to suffer those sleepless nights when the devil in baby form arrives after nine months and begins crying because it's.... done whatever babies do - if whoever I end up with wants a baby, we get to skip that stage and adopt one who's approaching the bearable years. How awesome.
Ooooh, Life on Mars. Sorry.
And because of that, there's no 9 month pregnancy break in the sex life either; my partner and I will get to continue in our antics for however long we please, or until our adopted baby needs a new nappy/feeding. And just as Jelly Babies and Vodka are well known to be the recipe for whatever you want, it's also a well known fact that gay sex is just invariably better than its straight counterpart.
On a vaguely related note, neither partner in a gay relationship feels obliged to surrender his coat during a date, nor is it necessary to embrace the 'ladies first' philosophy. Admittedly, this can lead to some awkward moments of you both reaching for the door handle simultaneously to open it for the other, resulting either in an awkward silence in which you both go bright red, or passionate sex in time with The Final Countdown:
As a gay man, aside from the above-mentioned benefits, you also get to help your straight female best friend (because, let's face it, we've all got about a hundred of those) choose her boyfriend, giving you a legitimate excuse to stare at all those guys that you've fancied since Year 8 without either of you feeling awkward.
I'd like to be able to promise that James will be back with us next Monday, but if the peak district (or even Cretzal) has swallowed him, then who knows when he'll be back with us... for now, I'd just like to leave you all with a shameless bit of self-promoting, and bid you all farewell and until next time.
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