The Perks of Being LBT/BLT

When asked to write about the perks of being a lettuce, bacon and tomato chunk of hunky deliciousness I was initially surprised as sandwiches are sidelined, ignored at the bottom of bags, and devoured. We are ostracised. Left at the back of fridges half eaten. This is my story.

I was a mistake. My parents told me from an early age. A drunken mistake. I was born from the dark depths of the caverns of leftovers in the fridge. They never wanted me, a strange mixture of health food and calorific bacon.  After maturing for a few long hours, they came to finally appreciate my subtle mix of flavours, the juxtaposition between the crunchy freshness of the lettuce and the smokey undertones of bacon.

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In fact my popularity has spread, slowly but surely, I am now considered one of the most prestigious sandwiches around, you might even call me a celebrity of sorts.  The whole country knows my name; I have met the lips of the very queen herself.  I can keep for a few days in the icy expanses of the refrigerator, an unusually long life time in comparison with those inferior, soggy, sandwiches.

My celebrity status had brought me unwanted attention, sure, but it carried with it a few perks; the prestige, I can part seas of plain bread with but a look. The quality, only the best ingredients are used, smoked bacon, crisp lettuce, organic butter and sun ripened tomatoes. Purpose in life, how many people can really be certain what the point to existence is, mine is simple and easy to fulfil. Be delicious.

Todostrieb,

Please send all death threats to homojounal@gmail.com

Big thanks to Mel who came up with this idea.