I was gay before I was gay...

OK, so sadly, not all coming outs are like this... maybe, one day, they will be exactly like that, but for now, we have to live with what we've got, and coming out as LGBTQ isn't going to be easy for anybody for a long time yet. I don't necessarily agree with having to come out - it's not as if you come out as being left-handed, or atheist, or ginger, or short or from Mars, so why the hell should we need to come out as LGBTQAP (delete as appropriate)? Seems stupid, but for the time being, we're stuck with it, and we're all going to have to go through it at some point (unless you’re Miu).

Like I say - coming out's just a bit stupid.

I started coming out back in year 7, and have been doing so until about a year ago, when I felt that I'd done enough coming out to last me a lifetime. For me, it was one of the most stressful and confusing times of my life, partly because (and this thought has only just struck me) I started coming out before I was completely sure I was gay myself.

A lot of gay people tend to come out to one or two of their closest friends, then other friends, and eventually, their family. I kind of came out in completely the opposite order – in fact, the first people I told were my Mum and Dad, back in Year 7 after I’d been bullied on the bus home. I got a very mixed reaction from them. On the one hand, my mum, who was, and still is completely supportive of me and frankly doesn’t care if one day I say to her “Mum, I need the house to myself tonight, because my boyfriend is coming round for hot passionate sex.” She’d probably be more concerned if I turned around to her and declared “Mum, I broke your bottle of wine, please don’t kill me.” Anyway, I digress.

I should point out that as much as she loves her wine, my mum isn't an alcoholic...

My dad, on the other hand, took it less well. On the surface, he seemed supportive, if a little shocked, but in the weeks that followed, it was clear that offering me his support was the last thing on his mind – he tried to scare me out of being gay by saying things like “if you’re gay, you’re going to die young because you’ll get HIV which will turn into AIDS, and KILL YOU”, and so on. Long story short, this sort of stuff carried on for at least a year, until I finally decided that I would ‘run away’. I got as far as the bus stop when I a) realised I had no money and b) saw my mum running down the road after me, telling me to come back and that she’d have a word with my dad.

"Why would you come out to your parents first, Rory?" I hear you ask. Well, it wasn’t planned, I promise. Like I said, I only realised I was gay when the words actually left my mouth the night I told them after having been bullied on the bus. "RORY IS GAY" and "RORY LIKES MEN" and "RORY LIKES COCK UP HIS ARSE" were the simplified versions of what they decided they'd write in the condensation on the bus window. Angry, I reacted and started wiping it off, not thinking that in doing so, I was fuelling their fun, and also confirming it.

We've all felt like this at some point, and when you're coming out, this is an all too familiar feeling.

Six months or so later, I came out to my best friend, who just happens to be one of those straight crushes I was talking about last week. How exactly, I can’t remember, although I have a niggling feeling that I came out to him by telling him I fancied him. If anything, he’d have been more surprised at the fact that someone fancies him, than at the fact that his friend’s just told him he's gay. A few weeks after, I came out to another one of my straight crushes. Both were amazingly supportive and I’m sure that between the two of them, they’d kick the living daylights out of anybody else who decides to give me grief for who I am.

When I got to year 9, I started seeing a counsellor, not just because the situation with my dad was worsening, but also because I was starting to get confused about my sexuality again. I wasn’t sure if I really was gay, or bi, or whether or not it was ‘just a phase’. I’d experienced some minor bullying again, which had dented my confidence, and I decided to ask the friends I’d already come out to, to keep it quiet. The next person I came out to was in year 10, after an awkward meeting in the boys changing rooms during a PE lesson (long story, but he was bi and in the closet, neither of us told anybody, horrendous scenario avoided). In years 8 through 11, I succeeded in telling a total of just 8 people, only 2 of whom I'm still in contact with. Ironically, 5 of the other 6 people I told and then lost contact with, were either gay or bi; the two I'm currently left with are both (sadly) straight. Moving on.

It was when I hit the Sixth Form that someone showed me this quote from Dr. Seuss: those who mind don't matter; those who matter don't mind. When they told me that, I decided that it was about bloody time to up sticks and get a move on with this coming out lark, since I'd been comfortable with being gay since about the end of year 9, about the time I stopped seeing my counsellor. And so I set my 'interested in' on facebook to men, and decided that I'd answer 'yes' rather than 'no' to anybody who asked me if I was gay. And here we are. I haven't been attacked or raped or beaten up or whatever, which is what I was dreading would happen. Things just carried on as normal, as if I had always been out, and no kerfuffle was made.

Do I need to say any more?

If there’s anybody left reading this (it is rather long, I apologise) and you’re in the closet and contemplating leaving it, then my advice to you is simple: rather than jumping straight in and announcing to the world you're gay (like this girl, who, it has to be said, is either bloody brave for doing it the way she did, or a complete fool), I think it's probably better to tell a few, close, trusted friends first, so that you have a sort of support network you can go to if things get messy later on (like when it comes to telling your parents, etc.). Once you've done that, and you know that the people who mean most to you are behind you, that's when I'd suggest telling everyone else, although standing up in assembly and blurting it out probably isn't the best way to do it. Things will probably get worse, before they get better, but trust me, they WILL get better!

If you're currently coming out, and would like to share your story with us, please feel free to leave a comment or send us an e-mail with your story to homojournal@gmail.com. If you're already out or are straight, then please do comment or e-mail us anyway!