Friday, 20 April 2012

The fetishes of animals are almost as bad as our own...

Since this week is all about fetishes, I’d like to take this opportunity to draw your attention to the fetishes of our pets. Everybody who has a pet, be it a dog, cat, ferret, owl, rat, toad or goldfish, will know that our beloved animals are all a little crazy-in-the-mind.

I have two cats and a dog, all of whom satisfy the crazy-in-the-mind criteria, and my aunt has four dogs and a cat, who all satisfy said criteria even more so (aunt included!). Let me start with my cats; they are brother and sister from the same litter and really rather gorgeous (even though she doesn’t let anybody touch her). Both have an absurd fetish for paper, and general destruction of most things they come across (you should see the state of the sofa). And it seems like it isn’t just my cats; if James’ anecdotes are anything to go by, his abundance of feline friends are just as destructive, and my best friend’s cats take their destruction further and pierce your skin (convenient if the piercing place down the road is closed). Clearly, we see this as unnecessary destruction, but this is all part of the well known plan for feline world domination, which is what all the fetishes that cats possess ultimately lead to.

Dogs on the other hand, are generally too stupid to plan a canine revolution and take over the world with their bizarre fetishes. For example, my dog seems to get his kicks from raiding the bin and my mum’s handbag in search of chocolate, and then proceeding to roll over on the carpet in my room while making what I can only assume are dog-orgasm noises… If that would result in dogs taking over the world, then I fear for our future.

My aunt’s dogs, on the other hand, while they are much more intelligent than my dog, will stop at nothing to get their daily kicks. One of them has a fetish for my feet (and only mine, I’m worried), meaning that whenever I’m there I can only walk around the house wearing shoes as otherwise I’ll have this dog hanging off of my toes. Another of her dogs (or maybe it’s the same one, I can’t remember) has learnt to open wardrobe doors to reach socks for her to destroy. Other fetishes that these dogs possess are just a bit weird and frankly dull in comparison.

Unfortunately, I don’t own any ferrets or owls or rats or toads or goldfish, so I’m not sure what their fetishes are, but if you own any of those, or others, let us know of their fetishes by leaving a comment or e-mailing us at!

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