Wednesday, 11 April 2012


As an avid tumblr I see stories every day of the abuse teenage lbgt receive daily, and if instead of a black hole I had a heart, it would break. Lots of these posts have been jokey so to keep you on your toes I thought I’d give some actual advice.

My first idea is to tell you not to listen, they’re not worth it, and they’re idiots who will soon realise the error of their ways. But one of the hardest parts of this is that it is often those closest to you that cannot accept you. Rory's speaking about having crushes on some of his best friends in a couple of weeks time; we’ve all been there, even if you’re straight chances are you experimented a little. I’m looking at you Miu.

When those you love most can’t accept you, it might make you feel helpless. Keep trying! Don’t give up! There is hope they might come round and see your side of things.
  1. Try getting another person close to you to explain how they were able to accept it.
  2. Inform them, some fear is bred from ignorance, there are many organisations and website out there that can give information and advice. After a quick google my favourite is “Being gay is okay
  3. Give them time, maybe they just need to think it over and realise that your sexuality shouldn’t matter to them
  4. If the problem stems from religion (I found an organisation for that too) maybe using religious arguments will work in turn. Love thy neighbour anyone?
Sorry, I’m not an expert, and my advice might not help at all, but if you’re having problems with homophobia, or just plain bullying, I urge you to get in contact with one of these organisations. But if you just want someone to talk to, we’re here….there’s an email somewhere….

Failing all that, here are some nice ideas for revenge:
  1. Sewing shrimp into their sheets, it will take them forever to work out where the smell is coming from
  2. Pay a girl to meet your parents and pretend to be pregnant, it should put things into perspective from them
  3. This is a tad petty but quote them on tumblr and watch the support role in, then show them how bigoted they really are
  4. Spam their Facebook, literally write “spam” EVERYWHERE
  5. During arguments stay cool, calm and collected, and as a response laugh, it is the most annoying thing you could ever do
  6. Train a legion of killer penguins
  7. Lace their soup with pepper
  8. Offer to make coffee/tea and repeatedly pretend to believe they like it with salt instead of sugar
  9. Get an army of your friends to dress up in rainbow sheets and follow them around
  10. Sneak into their house a la Amélie and:
    1. Put a pin in a lamps wire
    2. Change the speed dial to a mental health service
    3. Rearrange their drawers
    4. Stick chairs to the ceiling
    5. Take a psychological shot in the dark and write a note “ I know what you did…..”

1 comment:

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It'll take us up to 48 hours to get round to making sure your heartfelt messages of admiration and love don't contain any words they shouldn't, but it *might* take less, depending on whether we're drunk or on covert missions to Ann Summers at the time.