Monday, 9 April 2012

Gay Bashing - totally my specialist subject...

At first, the topic of gay-bashing excited me. “Finally,” I said aloud, “a chance to really get into some hard hitting writing. A chance to help people who feel oppressed and down-trodden. Most importantly, a chance to write a great article, better than any of my idiotic fellow bloggers’ measly contributions, get noticed by a publisher, write a best selling book and retire at 28 to a mansion full of naked supermodels and Chippendales. And Ezra Miller. Possibly two Ezra Millers.”

Screw any medical advances cloning would lead to, I want my sex slaves first.

But, just as my (admittedly wildly off-topic) reverie was getting interesting, I noticed an issue. While I definitely come under the definition "gay" at times, it's the "bashing" bit that leaves a little to be desired (I never thought I'd have to say that in my lifetime). Put quite simply, I have no strategies to avoid gay-bashing because I've never been gay-bashed. 

I've often wondered why, and the closest I can come to an answer is that, whenever people have tried, I've taken it in good humour as a matter of reflex. I suppose that's why I can also say I've never really been bullied at all. Someone mocks me for my height, I point out I can easily headbutt them in the groin. Someone says I look and sound effeminate; I let them know that that makes me more marketable in Korea. Someone says my teeth are screwed up, I bite them. 

All in good humour.

While it's almost 101% certain that people have tried to gay-bash me, I just haven't noticed, because I'm used to taking anything negative said about me and twisting into something humorous (or painful for them, which is humorous for me). Also of note is that, out of my group of friends at college, 7/22 are somewhere near the middle or far-right of the Kinsey Scale, with yet more outside of college. Given that a single homosexual has the power to take over an entire friend group with their fabulousness, it can definitely be said that I exist in a world that's far more conducive to straight-bashing than gay-bashing, to the point that some of my friends probably feel actually quite threatened by my existence. 

They're probably quite right to be worried, my bedroom wall is covered in photos like these.

As such, I'm afraid to say that I'm probably not the best person to ask about how to avoid gay-bashing, because I actually kind of feed on it. Actually, I suppose that's the best advice I can give. Treat gay-bashing like fire: yes it can hurt you, yes it can scar you, but it's also a source of energy, and once you're practised in using it to your advantage, it becomes quite fun.

You may also become a superhero.

Once again,, open to rants, raves, and party invitations.

Until next time, Constant Reader,


Rainbow Human Torch should really be a gay meme or something, I mean, come on, it has everything: he's cool, a good role model and he's literally hot. 

1 comment:

Oh wow, you're going to comment? Thanks! You'll make us feel all special and fuzzy inside.

It'll take us up to 48 hours to get round to making sure your heartfelt messages of admiration and love don't contain any words they shouldn't, but it *might* take less, depending on whether we're drunk or on covert missions to Ann Summers at the time.