Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Todostrieb for President of the World

So, you know what the theme of the week is by now, and I would like to take this opportunity to highlight to my readers that four percent of your number are utter fools. Yes, this is vaguely related to the theme, bear with me. Four per cent of you are technophobes; I am of course speaking about the Internet Explorer users among you. But, to keep things on a positive note 65% of you are awesome (the Chromers), congratulations.

The four per cent:
  • You live in a hut in the middle of nowhere
  • Your parents are wolves
  • Your main income is the soul trade
  • The internet connection is only so you can check out this awesome blog/ email your mother
  • You have a monobrow

The sixty-five per cent:
  • You live in a spaceship
  • Your parents just commented on your Facebook status
  • You make your money blackmailing the FBI with the threat of hacking their website
  • You mainly use your internet for reading this awesome blog and keeping in touch with earthbound friends
  • You are 5”3, brunette, have hazel eyes and areas sexy as fuck

Obviously I have invented these off the top of my head,which makes them no less accurate than many stereotypes your brain is probably unconsciously holding onto as we speak. What you really need to consider here is why do my ill-formed opinions matter to you? I’m a complete stranger to you (unless you are in my legion of stalkers, in which case, hi), I’ve never met you, and I am judging you. I DON’T MATTER. But my thoughts should have no bearing on how you act; they shouldn’t even upset you, when the stereotypes begin to change how others act towards you it’s a whole different kettle of fish.

For example, as the president of the world, I am introducing a tax on internet explorer users, because my advisors assure me that you are all dangerous soul stealing technophobes. Obviously my advisors have never met one of you; I am allowing stereotypes to affect my actions towards you.

In the real world (sigh) I would like to say this is uncommon, I’d like to think most people can be professional. But there will always be the one person who is lacking the brain cells to reform their opinions, because they are unwilling to let go of a stereotype. Ignore them all.

Sorry that descended into a ramble, my point was this. Don’t fear your stereotypes (unless they’re formed by idiots in a position of power over you), they are not who you are, embrace every part of you even if, god forbid, you’re a hipster. Because I’m sure even you will have redeeming qualities, but remember, I was a teenage girl before it was cool.

Todostrieb is awful.

On a slightly unrelated note does anyone else have problems proving they’re human?

1 comment:

Oh wow, you're going to comment? Thanks! You'll make us feel all special and fuzzy inside.

It'll take us up to 48 hours to get round to making sure your heartfelt messages of admiration and love don't contain any words they shouldn't, but it *might* take less, depending on whether we're drunk or on covert missions to Ann Summers at the time.