Don't wait until it's too late

I know I've been missing recently, and although I'm writing this relatively early, it'll probably still be late. I apologise if anyone actually wished to read what I might have to say no matter how silly. Anyway, reading some of what my fellow homojournalist have written this week, I decided to take some time off my very busy schedule of doing nothing and try writing something worth reading.

I have not researched any of this (what can I say, I'm lazy) but I think suicide may happen in two ways:

Lost in the flare of the moment. 
Someone might be having a bad couple of weeks or even just a particularly bad day, so impulsively decides life isn't worth living. Unfortunately suicide isn't something you can just change your mind on or file it under "never-to-repeat" list. Rory went on a rant about people who throw themselves in front of trains, and I couldn't agree more. Although they cannot tell us what was going through their mind, I can think of a few reasons why they might choose this way. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT A FORM OF ENCOURAGEMENT.

1. They are angry and purposefully want to disrupt transport for others 'cause they hate the world and think it as a sort of revenge.
2. They think it's quick, effective and... no time for second-thoughts
3. They accidentally took a step too far (hey maybe not all of those are suicides)

They are not brilliant reasons, but I don't think a suicidal person is in a position to think straight so why argue? 

The last desperate act.

It's often depression that leads to this, but it can also be other mental illnesses. I will concentrate on the former. Depression often isn't easy to spot until it has reached the "higher stages", I happen to have recently read lots about it so I'll just post some links about various symptoms and how they manifest in different people, as I don't want to talk only about that.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm

http://www.depressionalliance.org/help-and-information/what-is-depression.

This is a quick summary of some of the symptoms, if you have even the slightest doubt about your condition, you should read through the links, google and speack to your GP; it might be nothing, but better safe than sorry. It is not as black and white as it might seem, it's not just about "I cry everyday", in men depression often manifests as anger rather than sadness, whilst teenagers may become more irritable and short tempered. It is important to keep in mind that there are more than one symptoms though you may not have all of them.

• Tiredness and loss of energy
• Persistent sadness
• Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem
• Difficulty concentrating
• Not being able to enjoy things that are usually pleasurable or interesting
• Undue feelings of guilt or worthlessness
• Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
• Sleeping problems - difficulties in getting off to sleep or waking up much earlier than usual
• Avoiding other people, sometimes even your close friends
• Finding it hard to function at work/college/school
• Loss of appetite
• Loss of sex drive and/ or sexual problems
• Physical aches and pains
• Thinking about suicide and death
• Self-harm

I think a possible reason why so many reach this stage is the unwillingness to look for help. Sure, talking to friends might help, but it is often a lot better to speak to a stranger and the best option is if this stranger holds a degree in psychology. Going to a "shrink" does not make you crazy, depression is an illness and they are simply doctors that won't stick nasty stuff in you. Another problem is what I've already said: people don't realise until it is too late. It is difficult for other people to realise what is going on inside a person, so it's really up to them to make the first move.

Since I can't think of anything else to say (mainly 'cause I'm hungover) I'll end this post with a confession, part of the reason I haven't really been writing is because in the past few months I too have been ticking quite a few of those boxes :S Does it mean I'm depressed? I personally don't really think so, though it sometimes worries me, but I'd better check that with someone more qualified to judge just in case. So if you have any doubts, follow my example, you've got nothing to lose :) Also, this is the first time I mention it to anyone so hey, I guess it really is easier to speak to strangers :P

...Now I'll just have to deal with my boyfriend who has suddenly taken an interest in what I'm writing (hope you are not offended or worried, I love you!) Oh and of course my "fellow homojournalists" are my friends hmm... maybe they won't read :P

Love,

Miu xx