Man-up! If they don't want gay... be as gay as you can be!

I am sure we all know that the only thing more irritating than someone annoying you accidentally is someone annoying you deliberately. At which point you just feel like either stuffing yourself with antidepressants (and cake) or taking out your alarmingly-crotch-height guillotine as revenge. But have you ever been on the "dark side"? How many times have you done something just because you were told not to? I know I have, plenty of times! Especially with James. Let me explain.

James sometimes (always) talks. Now sometimes (often) people ignore him. This makes James really frustrated because he has something really interesting to say, but people keep interrupting him (!). Finally he shouts: "Stop cutting me off! I'm trying to say something" (you should hear him, it is very funny). Anyways… James has finally got the attention he wanted and having gotten everyone to SHUT UP, he starts again: "As I was trying to say-" and once again he is promptly interrupted; but this time deliberately, maliciously  and hence, most irritatingly. It is quite entertaining to watch (ok, yes, I do it all the time).  And we keep going until his face looks like this

*sobs* Why won't they stop? I want mummy!

Ok, ok so maybe he looks  more like this…

If you don't stop now I'm going to murder you!

Oh lol… Wait what was the point of this? Ah yes, why not do the same with Gay-bashers? After all, you know what they say

Then again, having seen that second face (or keeping in mind that guillotine) you might want to reconsider. Although there is the lucky possibility of them running away crying because you are unaffected by their pathetic insults, you may also end up just making them angry and beating the crap out of you :D So before you decide to take on this approach, my advise is to consider who you are dealing with. If it is a short-tempered tall muscly guy who could crush you with one finger than you might want to lay low.

Nevertheless, you may also decide to toughen up, work out and build yourself an unbreakable character to go up to that bully and make him wished he never crossed your path muahahah. Hey don't judge me you'll understand if you look at this!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ff_6VsRuas

Oh come on! Did you not think that was amazing!? :D

Sure, if you are not the violent type you can always take on a more… loving approach?

Oh boy, can you really say that with a straight (non-sarcastic) face?

I just came across this article on the guardian app thingy on Facebook and… I have no words. I find it really appalling. "London buses have been booked to carry a Christian advertising campaign expected to start next week, which asserts the power of therapy to change the sexual orientation of gay people."

The anti-gay advertising campaign blocked by TfL to be shown on London buses

I mean, are you fucking serious!? I think this is one of those things that arise from ignorance as my fellow bloggers have already said and its people that just refuse to open their minds and think otherwise. It is something that makes me really sad… I mean, take for example the fact that they expressly support a practice that has been deemed, by every respectable psychiatric in the world, abusive and ineffective. Is that something that free speech covers? Advertising in favour of abuse? Maybe so, but is it something we as consumers should tolerate? The fact that a company would allow that type of advertising...

Although gay-bashers may be scary, one ought to remember that, as with all bigotry, the thing that gay bashers are - more than ignorant, more than stupid - is frightened. I mean "homoPHOBIA", it's right there in the bloody name! They are frightened because they are ignorant, and because they are frightened they are dangerous, nasty and angry.

The "solution" to this problem, for society, could be to alleviate their fear through education and (not to be too grim about it) indoctrination (the good kind). However, for the individual facing this problem, his or her solution is obvious - you frighten them, so get frightening.

We are always here for any advice (though I do not guarantee it would be good), but that's all for today. Don't forget I'll be back next week!

Love,

Miu xx

P.S. Don't forget to e-mail us at homojournal@gmail.com for any questions, comments, request or if you are bored and have nothing better to do. We are available 24/7 (that is 24 minutes every 7 hours) so try your luck!

4 easy ways to protect yourself from gay-bashing.

It seems that out of all of our homo-journalists, I'm the only one who has been gay-bashed at some point. I'm not going to go into much detail about it now, that's for coming out week, but let it be said that the gay-bashing has now stopped, and much like James, any gay-bashing that does come my way, I tend to take in good humour.

If, on the other hand, you are still being gay-bashed (I promise you it does stop - see the video at the top of the blog), here are 4 easy, untested and untried ways to protect yourself from it.


1: Know thine enemy
Most of the people who bash gays in a non-sexual way, tend to be homophobic. So, after having safely evaluated and weighed up the potential dangers, opportunities to be stabbed, opportunities to be shot, and opportunities for cock, get to know some homophobic people. Perhaps this is the example I couldn't think of last week about stereotypes not being useful to anyone. Well, I lied, they might be useful here.

Once you get to know some homophobic people, take what they have in common, and use it to your advantage. For example, if you know they're all complete mummy's boys, when they come at you and your boyfriend/girlfriend wielding a machete or an AK-47, threaten them with "I know where you live and I'll tell your mummy." Remember to take pleasure in the look of absolute terror that that line will strike into them, and once you've done that, make good your escape.

2: Alienate your friends and family 
In order to be able to survive gay bashing/homophobia/whatever you want to call it, you need a thick skin. Rather than stand in front of the mirror shouting "rectum raider" and other such insults at yourself (although that might be a good way to start immunising yourself from the 'phobes), ask pay your boyfriend/girlfriend/brother/sister/mum/dad/best friend/etc to do so for you. This gets you used to other people insulting you, and since the insults are coming from the people you know, it'll ultimately hurt you more than what some tosser outside the tube station will say to you.

This will obviously come with considerable side effects, such as losing contact with friends and the immediate family, and may end your relationship with your other half, so be warned, this is a dangerous option. If side effects persist, you should seek advice from your GP...

3: Sign a peace treaty in Jelly Babies and Vodka 
It's a well-known fact that everybody on the planet adores Jelly Babies and Vodka. You should use this to your advantage and draw up a peace treaty of Jelly Babies and Vodka; you hand over x kilos of Jelly Babies in return for the same amount of Vodka for you and your significant other to either drink, fuel your getaway car with, or both.

4: Straight-bashing
What makes the heteros of the world so different from the homos anyway? >.<

(Disclaimer: Any fool who actually tries any of the above is a fool. These have not been tried and tested for effectiveness, and will probably result in you and your other half getting more hurt than you would have done had you just ignored it and moved on.)

Gay-Bashing-Tastic

Ah, the joys of being gay bashed… being called fag, pervert, queer, faggot, gaylord… and irrationally beaten.. it definitely has to be one of the perks of being gay. It’s why so many people choose to be gay or lgbtq: the hating and the abuse.

*sighs*

Mostly, homophobia and extreme homophobia is a result of pure ignorance. Perhaps we should inform them each time they’re mean, pull out your the Joys Of Being Gay A-Z Guide, and follow them relentlessly. This works the best if you can manage to sneak up on them while they’re in the school loo cubicles. Just whisper through the walls…

If that doesn’t work, we need to get onto Plan B: a big school assembly, where we show straight anal sex, gay anal sex, and lesbian strap-on anal sex videos, to show that everything is as grim as each other, why discriminate?

Obviously, a very relevant picture.. I did't just add it here because I liked it...

Although, in hindsight, that might not be as good an idea as I’d imagined when I came up with it. It’ll probably get me expelled, or suspended… then I would be forced to go into the porn industry to earn my livings, or worse, I may end up in McDonalds. I shall have to reconsider.

I, personally, like other homojournalists, haven’t had much experience with gay-bashing. The only person who I’ve remotely been gay-bashed by would be my younger brother, but he stopped when I said to him one day “I think I might be gay…” . Though the stoppage may be because we’re no longer on speaking terms…

My point is, the shouts of “GAY” and “FAGGOT” doesn’t seem to be intentionally a homophobic hate crime, its just as stupid as the shouts of “FUCK OFF”.. the swear words don’t really make sense. As was mentioned earlier, just laughing at them works, although, I sometimes fear that that technique led to me reverse-psychologically-bullying my brother. Personally, I love the word gay, it's a very joyous and colourful word, saying "..and PROUDDD!" in a sing-song voice with a bit of swagger (you know what I mean... if not, you disappoint me), may be an idea, why be ashamed? Questioning it also amuses me.. “what is a faggot? Who is off? Do you think I’d fancy him or her? Maybe I’d fuck her…”.

JennaMarbles youtube vid "How to avoid talking to people you don't want to talk to", will be useful to you guys.. her technique definitely can be applied here.

I haven't really addressed the violence, I don't know whether I can; but I have been midget-bashed before. I was blessed with shortness. I found that the more I fought it (and I was a very violent midget), the more they seemed to get a thrill out of the bullying. Even though I kicked, scratched and punched them, and they bled, they still came back. Perhaps it’s the adrenaline rush? I have no idea. But as soon as I stopped fighting it, and just stood there with a bank look on my face every time, they soon got bored and found their next victim to play with.

CCTV footage :'(

So for petty gay-bashing:

1. Be in your own world, don’t acknowledge them. Just stand there, and show them no sign of being distressed, or bothered by it
2. Laugh at them, to yourself.. . but only if you want to annoy them. Be careful. I have had a knife pointed at me once due to this..
3. Pull a weird face, like in the jennamarbles' vid

And if you’re feeling adventurous, lean forward, whisper in their ear “people tend to go through a really homophobic phase, right before they finally accept they’re gay, and come out”, and proceed to drag them into the nearest closet. They’ll run, or might get to have fun <3

For serious gay-bashing, when these people look REALLY dodgy, just try to get the hell away, as soon as possible.

You don't want to end up like one of the many bashed and dead. Type in "gay-bashing" into google images. Its horrifying.

Eli x

Comment me your favorite ones, it will make life less dull, and help me procrastinate. Don't forget to subscribe and message us, on homojournal@gmail.com

Revenge....nomnomnomnomnom

As an avid tumblr I see stories every day of the abuse teenage lbgt receive daily, and if instead of a black hole I had a heart, it would break. Lots of these posts have been jokey so to keep you on your toes I thought I’d give some actual advice.

My first idea is to tell you not to listen, they’re not worth it, and they’re idiots who will soon realise the error of their ways. But one of the hardest parts of this is that it is often those closest to you that cannot accept you. Rory's speaking about having crushes on some of his best friends in a couple of weeks time; we’ve all been there, even if you’re straight chances are you experimented a little. I’m looking at you Miu.

When those you love most can’t accept you, it might make you feel helpless. Keep trying! Don’t give up! There is hope they might come round and see your side of things.

1. Try getting another person close to you to explain how they were able to accept it.
2. Inform them, some fear is bred from ignorance, there are many organisations and website out there that can give information and advice. After a quick google my favourite is “Being gay is okay”
3. Give them time, maybe they just need to think it over and realise that your sexuality shouldn’t matter to them
4. If the problem stems from religion (I found an organisation for that too) maybe using religious arguments will work in turn. Love thy neighbour anyone?

Sorry, I’m not an expert, and my advice might not help at all, but if you’re having problems with homophobia, or just plain bullying, I urge you to get in contact with one of these organisations. But if you just want someone to talk to, we’re here….there’s an email somewhere….

Failing all that, here are some nice ideas for revenge:

1. Sewing shrimp into their sheets, it will take them forever to work out where the smell is coming from
2. Pay a girl to meet your parents and pretend to be pregnant, it should put things into perspective from them
3. This is a tad petty but quote them on tumblr and watch the support role in, then show them how bigoted they really are
4. Spam their Facebook, literally write “spam” EVERYWHERE
5. During arguments stay cool, calm and collected, and as a response laugh, it is the most annoying thing you could ever do
6. Train a legion of killer penguins
7. Lace their soup with pepper
8. Offer to make coffee/tea and repeatedly pretend to believe they like it with salt instead of sugar
9. Get an army of your friends to dress up in rainbow sheets and follow them around
10. Sneak into their house a la Amélie and:
1. Put a pin in a lamps wire
2. Change the speed dial to a mental health service
3. Rearrange their drawers
4. Stick chairs to the ceiling
5. Take a psychological shot in the dark and write a note “ I know what you did…..”

Preventing Gay Bashing step 1: possess a vagina and two X chromosomes

The last bully I ran into ended up with a leg broken in 3 places. Whilst I can neither confirm nor deny my involvement in the incident causing these injuries, I like to think that justice was done.

This idiot didn’t make fun of me for being gay. Nobody has. I’ve never been told I’m unnatural or a freak. Nobody has ever treated me differently when I told them I’m bisexual. In fact the common reaction is indifference, or, in the odd case, curiosity and arousal. Of course, I would never presume that being a bisexual female is turn on for guys; we all know it’s my amazing  tits and personality that create my sex appeal.

The point stands. I have been bullied for being smart (by which I mean being a nerdy know-it-all) and for having a weird looking leg, but have never been treated badly for my sexuality.

I’d also like to think, that if somebody did have a problem with my sexuality, that I would handle him/her the way I would any other idiot: with self-confidence and patience. The small minded are to be pitied not hated. And if that failed I’m sure I could form an army at short notice to defend my honour.

I have held hands with girls in public, I have hugged girls in public, I have kissed girls in public and nobody has said or done anything. I have the right, as much as anyone, to be with those I care about wherever I like...property laws permitting. I’m not suggesting my girl and I have the right to break into Buckingham palace and fuck in the throne room because we’re queer. But I might go so far as to say, that if my beau was a duck I should be allowed to carry him round and quack to him lovingly as long as I did it with respect for those around me.  

We should all have the freedom to be with those we love and to not be afraid to do so. I can’t help but think a male gay couple might have more trouble than I have had. Even if nobody would say anything, or harm them openly, the fear would be there. Do gay bashing types see women as an easy target? After all these years are we still afraid to hit girls? Probably.

Or, perhaps I’m just lucky?  I live in London after all, maybe there are some big nasty gay bashers waiting around the corner for my girlfriend and I. Not to worry though, I can defend her with my ummm ability to eat vast quantities of frozen yoghurt and reach a top B. Yet, I’d much prefer to think that times are changing and queer relationships are being accepted rather than believe that it is only a matter of time and live my life in fear of an attack.

The LBGTQ community shouldn’t be afraid of people’s opinions. We need to go public; we need to show people that our love and relationships are just as natural as those between a man and woman. Ignorance breeds hatred and it’s our duty to eradicate the ignorance.

I am a Christian. Some Christians say homosexuality is a sin. In reply, I say a consensual relationship or love could never be a sin.

I am a scientist. Some scientists say homosexuality is unnatural. In reply, I say that here are some convincing arguments as to why homosexuality is an evolutionary advantage, and research to suggest the chemical processes causing love between a man and woman are also present in queer couples. But essentially, many species have queer sexual relations why not homo sapiens?

I am a human capable of cognition and speech. Some living, breathing and apparently thinking humans say homosexuality is wrong because if we were all gay the human race would die out. In reply, I say I am not enforcing LGBTQ relationships on the unwilling. I am supporting queer as a lifestyle choice....actually I would probably just slam my head against a wall if someone actually said that to me seriously.

Whilst I have never suffered because of my sexuality there are many many many more people who have. And that’s so wrong it breaks my heart.

As always readers, it’s been a pleasure,

All my love,

Mel.

PS. You can now follow the links on the homepage to our internet network (knights from the land of Tumblr, the faithful facebookians and twitters can now rejoice)!

Gay Bashing - totally my specialist subject...

At first, the topic of gay-bashing excited me. “Finally,” I said aloud, “a chance to really get into some hard hitting writing. A chance to help people who feel oppressed and down-trodden. Most importantly, a chance to write a great article, better than any of my idiotic fellow bloggers’ measly contributions, get noticed by a publisher, write a best selling book and retire at 28 to a mansion full of naked supermodels and Chippendales. And Ezra Miller. Possibly two Ezra Millers.”

Screw any medical advances cloning would lead to, I want my sex slaves first.

But, just as my (admittedly wildly off-topic) reverie was getting interesting, I noticed an issue. While I definitely come under the definition "gay" at times, it's the "bashing" bit that leaves a little to be desired (I never thought I'd have to say that in my lifetime). Put quite simply, I have no strategies to avoid gay-bashing because I've never been gay-bashed. 

I've often wondered why, and the closest I can come to an answer is that, whenever people have tried, I've taken it in good humour as a matter of reflex. I suppose that's why I can also say I've never really been bullied at all. Someone mocks me for my height, I point out I can easily headbutt them in the groin. Someone says I look and sound effeminate; I let them know that that makes me more marketable in Korea. Someone says my teeth are screwed up, I bite them. 

All in good humour.

While it's almost 101% certain that people have tried to gay-bash me, I just haven't noticed, because I'm used to taking anything negative said about me and twisting into something humorous (or painful for them, which is humorous for me). Also of note is that, out of my group of friends at college, 7/22 are somewhere near the middle or far-right of the Kinsey Scale, with yet more outside of college. Given that a single homosexual has the power to take over an entire friend group with their fabulousness, it can definitely be said that I exist in a world that's far more conducive to straight-bashing than gay-bashing, to the point that some of my friends probably feel actually quite threatened by my existence. 

They're probably quite right to be worried, my bedroom wall is covered in photos like these.

As such, I'm afraid to say that I'm probably not the best person to ask about how to avoid gay-bashing, because I actually kind of feed on it. Actually, I suppose that's the best advice I can give. Treat gay-bashing like fire: yes it can hurt you, yes it can scar you, but it's also a source of energy, and once you're practised in using it to your advantage, it becomes quite fun.

You may also become a superhero.

Once again, homojournal@gmail.com, open to rants, raves, and party invitations.

Until next time, Constant Reader,

James

Rainbow Human Torch should really be a gay meme or something, I mean, come on, it has everything: he's cool, a good role model and he's literally hot.