There's only one first time...

After that you are no longer classed as a virgin, you've lost your "V Card".
Right at this very moment, if you asked me why I haven't had sex, I think, my answer would probably be "I haven't found the right person". Truth be told there hasn't even been that person for me yet but something I strongly believe in is: love before sex. 

I'm sure the line sex after marriage rings a bell, but that would just take forever. Who knows when or even if I will ever get to that place of "together forever".

I guess for some people it's just about getting it over and done with, or being in the moment, but for most teenagers it's the overwhelming pressure. It's the what do you say to your friends or random people when they ask you about you sex life? How do you feel; left out, undesired, uncool, embarrassed? Confidence has a lot to do with it.
I feel like it's something that you do and can't take back, you either love it or don't. 
For a portion of my life I think people referred to sex as "It"
Have you done "it"? or what was "it" like?, you know IT!
It's like "it", has become a synonym of "sex". The obvious stretching of the T at the end of it and a glare to let the person know what your referring to. 
It's the norm, no one questions it, well that's a lie.
I've never thought about what my virginity means to me, most likely because I have that crazy feeling love for me doesn't exist but it is important to me that I don't lose my "V card" to a stranger or even by accident. 
Hey it happens.
I don't want to regret it.
How old would you have to be for it to be ok to have sex? Now, how old would your child have to be for you to be ok for them to lose their virginity?
I think some children or teens mature faster than others, some have a better understanding, but to answer all of these questions, I don't know! Not a clue because I'm innocent, I don't have that experience so I can't make that decision, as for my own child; we'll see, having the talk comes to mind, kinda just makes me laugh.
Ok, what if you come to that scenario, you don't have a boyfriend or any kind of relationship going on with anyone, but you want to have sex. (let's say it's because you're a certain age and your friends all have) How do you do it? Flirt with girls or guys your own age, go to a party and sleep around? 

Religiously, I've never met anyone who has said "because of my religion I do not believe in having sex before marriage" and so that's how they choose to live their own life. In my opinion, I wouldn't know how to believe someone who says that. How would you know they are telling the truth?
What if after 30 years your still waiting for that special someone to propose? Could you really wait that long. Won't you feel like it's something your missing out on? 
I am still a virgin, I could say that I am proud to be so but I also haven't had the choice not to be one.
I don't feel left out or want to, more importantly I don't feel pressured but I would like that choice.


Your Guest-slave Lavender x

Sorry it's not long, I could go one but I feel myself going round in circles and not getting to any point. I've had a busy week. So stressed out.

Where is it!?

Virginity? I hear some people consider it "sacred" and hence take good care of it and make sure they don't lose it, apparently it is meant for their husbands or something. I wouldn't know if any of that is true, all I know is I am famous for losing things: 2 phones, 2 iPods, nintendo DS, oyster card, railcards... you get what I mean.

Now, I'm not quite sure what happened to my virginity, I swear I had it with me but I can't find it anymore!! :/ I must have put it down somewhere and forgotten about it, or perhaps it is somewhere in the recesses of my room. Oh well, I was never really aware of having it, and now that I don't know where it's gone... just one less thing to think about ;)

As long as you don't just throw it away, you should be fine. Find a nice guy/girl who cares about you and ask them to have it for safe keeping. The "first time" isn't all it is built up to be - ever - so stop fantasising about stuff you read in some romantic book.


Love,


Miu xx

Fuck off out of my sex life, you nosy sods!

I probably don't need to point out that I have no sex-life for you to fuck out of, for reasons which should be obvious to anybody who has read through find Rory a Boyfriend week - namely, I don't have a boyfriend. Doesn't stop you from being nosy sods though...

I could spend this post pondering the definition of virginity, and at what point one actually loses it. Is it, as James suggests, dependant on what sort of sex you've had (or haven't had), or is it much more general in the sense that one immediately ceases to be a virgin once you've had any sort of sexual contact whatsoever? I'm sure someone will answer that question, but I'm not going to, because a) I'm no expert, b) I don't know, c) I have more important things to be doing with my time than wondering at which point you lose your virginity and d) even if I could answer it, it would be as boring as hell.

I could also spend this post giving you explicit details of my non-existent sex life, which of course I'm not going to, because that would mean a) I'd be lying to you, b) we value our readers and c) we'd have to turn on the 'this blog contains adult content' warning, and that requires effort which none of us have.

Having said all this, it occurs to me that some of it is all lies. I'm not going to deny having had sex; whether or not it counts as virginity-stealing sex is another matter, because I suppose sex is the wrong word to use in the first place. 'Fooling around' seems more accurate, because lets face it, when you're young and naive and innocent and are in the same room alone with one person who you happen to 'like-like' and you think there's a small chance that he 'like-likes' you back, one thing will inevitably lead to the other, and before you know it, you're fooling around with each other - literally.

Which brings me back to my first thought about when you actually pop your cherry, and I'm going to do what I originally said I wasn't going to do, and that's answer the question. For me, it depends on your outlook on life, and what you personally think and if you prefer to take James' interpretation of many virginities, or if you prefer the interpretation where you're either a virgin or you're not. Regardless of which interpretation I choose, I still consider myself a virgin because I haven't yet had a boyfriend with whom I have had sex, which I suppose was a mistake admitting on the internet on a blog which most of my friends are probably reading. No matter. Personally, I choose the latter, because that way I don't have to reveal details of my sex life to nosy buggers like you (yes, you over there, in the corner. Yes you. I'm talking to you too, you know).

You also don't have to ask the lady at the foreign currency exchange at Heathrow airport to define 'virgin' - you can simply declare you're not a virgin and that your child next to you is proof of that, but you are in fact flying with Virgin, an awkward and embarrassing true story involving my mother and I on our way out to New York.

Rory.

PS: I have no idea if this is actually what my esteemed colleagues had in mind when the topic 'Virginity' was suggested, but as eli rightly pointed out, for something so simple, it's damn fucking hard to talk about.

PPS: I should apologise for any expletives I may have used in this post, Mel's post inspired me to go and re-watch Bridget Jones and I find the use of language in both films rather fucking contagious.

Virginity.......

As the title suggests, this week's theme is "virginity". For something so simple, why does it have to be so damn hard to write about? This is my fifth attempt...

WHYYYYY????

Virginity is personal. The majority think that virginity is lost with penis-in-virgina-penetration, with the extreme choosing to "save themselves" by only having anal sex. But that makes it confusing for the homosexual members of our communities.

Are lesbians forever virgins, if they choose never to have sex with men? 

I remember a few weeks back the YouTube collab "lesbiancentral" (or was it lgbteens?) defined lesbian sex as "penetration" with anything.. But you could see in the comments that not all viewers agreed.

If virginity doesn't mean much to you, it doesn't really matter what the definition is. You'll remember your first sexual acts anyway. But if you're "saving yourself" or put importance on virginity, you might want to sit down and think what you consider to be crossing the innocence line.

Losing your innocence is a personal matter, what happens to you, and what you feel is unique and personal, you don't have the whole world watching you and experiencing it with you, so don't listen to everyone else's definition of virginity. If you think you've crossed that line, so be it.

Of course, I am perfectly innocent ;)

Lastly, it's no-one else's decision but yours whether to "pop your cherry" (don't worry, I won't start ranting about how not having an intact hymen isn't a proper way to determine whether you've lost your virginity, and that you can break your hymen doing all kinds of normal things like gymnastics, and how some people are born without intact hymens...), so don't let anyone push you into it.

If you're feeling pressured, it's probably best not to go through with it. No, they will not love you more for it, you'll just end up feeling cheap and full of regret :D It also works the other way round, don't push anyone into doing things they aren't ready for. Listen when they say no..

Soooo lastly, for the last time, if you "feel you're ready", you're both willing (/it doesn't compromise either of your beliefs) and over the age of consent, why not?

Nom nom nom nom.. 

Eli x

Ps, feel free to leave comment, or email us if you wish >.<

pps,  ok I lied. That wasn't the last "lastly". I just thought of something else. This is a video I watched yesterday:

It's kinda relevant, the boy (you wouldn't really say "man"..right?) on the left, had his mum walk in on him whilst  things where getting frisky with his boyfriend in the living room.. He wasn't "out" yet..

The great thing about being gay/ having a same-sex partner, is that if you're not "out" yet, you can have sleep-overs and things without your parents really suspecting anything, or thinking too much into it. However, it makes it more awkward when they accidentally walk in..

Learn from the video, make sure you're not being silly and performing naked sexual acts in public (unless it's that kind of occasion), if you don't want anyone walking in on you, make sure you have a lock, or that no-one's home, or something to duck behind if someone does walk in. It sucks to be interrupted.

We'll just hide behind the duck, she won't guess what we've been doing..

And if you're not out to your parents, be especially careful when doing things at home.

Fin!

---------------

references/ sources:
life through my eyes blog
Anarkitty blog
yet-again-learning-to-say-no
lesbian-central
lgbteens
Hull University lgbt youtube channel
that there is good looking
naked men paper picture

Fifty Shades of Gay

I know this post is supposed to be about virginity, and it is, vaguely. I’d like to quote fifty shades of grey at you here “and then he ripped through my virginity”. I’d like to assure readers this doesn’t happen, and if it does it’s not a good thing. Even most submissives don’t like agonising pain for the hell of it. I am of the opinion that your first sexual experience shouldn't be with a man twice your age, who your not actually in any kind of relationship with. Call me old fashioned, I may not believe sex before marriage will get you smitten down by god, but I think there should always be some emotion behind sex. 

My main problem with the book is it’s whiny, yes I’ve read worse fan fiction, but the characters are over dramatic and the entire plot is unrealistic. Also it’s not rape, but it doesn’t actually portray a proper BDSM lifestyle you’re given the impression Mr. Grey is an experienced dom, but he loses control and spanks whatsherface without her consent, and without a safe word. This is pretty much abuse, and such a lapse in control does not make for a good dominant.

I still have high hopes for the film though.

Here is some better BDSM twilight fan fiction if you are this way inclined:

To Serve is Divine

Outtakes

Switches and Subs

Todostrieb

P.s sorry this post is late, I was ill L

Shiny and New

Are you a virgin? There is no correct answer to this question. In fact your best bet is to skirt around the topic with a vague and suitably charming witty comment. Under no circumstances should you bright red, giggle, or answer too quickly. Under no circumstances should you mumble half heartedly “Uh....kind of”. Such statements will lead to in depth questioning of how you can kind of be a virgin. Those of you who have read our James’ post will know that these vague half virginities are very possible in the queer community. Probably even more so for female than male, as it could be said that there is no penetration in lesbian sex without a strap on....Personally I reckon lesbian sex is all about the intent and orgasm...a casual grope does not a good fucking make. But, each to their own.

So having got that serious bit out of the way, I will now proceed to the main....meat....of my post. Which, seems to be rambling about whatever popped into my head after the topic virginity was announced. First a short story some of you may recognise:

I made it through the wilderness, somehow I made it through. I didn’t know how lost I was until I found you. I was beat, incomplete, I’d been had, I was sad and blue. But, you made me feel, you made me feel shiny and new. Like a virgin touched for the very first time.

This video is an accurate portrait of what I look like at the end of a 15 hour shift. 

The next thought that popped into my head is of the second most well known virgin story of all time. Mary of Nazareth. (The first most famous is the Miley Cyrus virginity story....she claims sex is magical and healing. Inspiring words Miley, inspiring). Anyway I thought while we were speaking about virginity I’d speak about its evolution. Our holy mother sits nicely in the downturn of virginity, think of it as a recession in sexual liberty. We began our days as liberal caveman, rutting against each other on cold stone floors. Soon we had priestesses whose entire careers were sex related. Women were free to fuck whoever (or whatever) they wanted, in the name of the fertility gods, who would restore barren lands and wombs alike. Then came the economic downturn as it were...the advent of sexual disease lead to a ban on promiscuity. Suddenly virgin equalled pure, and sex before marriage equalled a death sentence. I like to think we’re getting ourselves into a balance between the caveman and the bible these days.

I apologise for the rambling. I have been getting about four hours sleep a day for the last two weeks, and working nearly 15 hours a night. Remember kids....sex is sex not rocket science. But, you only pop your cherry once- so make it count, and always use protection. The virgin birth story just isn’t cutting it any-more.

Thanks for reading pumpkins,

Mel Princess of Flesh and Blood

Since a little clarification seems necessary...

As a bisexual male, virginity is very, very complex. I mean, when you say "virginity", what do you mean? Does it only apply to penetrative heterosexual sex? Can it be penetrative homosexual sex? As a bottom, or only as a top? Where do blowjobs come in all of this?

I refuse to make a joke about that last sentence. 

I mean, if you just take "virginity" as the state of not having participated in a given sexual act, then there are at least 12 different virginities a bisexual male can have, if you ignore the somewhat less common/legal ones. I mean, look:

1. Homosexual penetrative sex, top.
2. Homosexual penetrative sex , bottom.
3. Homosexual oral sex, top.
4. Homosexual oral sex, bottom.
5. Homosexual manual sexual stimulation, top.
6. Homosexual manual sexual stimulation, bottom.
7. Heterosexual penetrative sex.
8. Heterosexual oral sex, female -> male.
9. Heterosexual oral sex, male -> female.
10. Heterosexual manual stimulation, female -> male.
11. Heterosexual manual stimulation, male -> female.
12. Usage of sex toys.

You should've seen the list that did include the weird ones.

So which one do you mean, overly-curious friend, when you ask me if I've lost my virginity? Are you asking me if I've given someone a blowjob, or if a girl has given me a handjob, or if I've used anal beads?

...actually, if you're one of my friends, you're probably working from the weird list.

Yours not-quite-so-purely,

James.

I've lost 7/12.