I don't know what to say....

And as such, this post will join my other posts which consist of nothing but bullshit and waffle.

The contents of this post.

In a way, I'm glad that Eli has already defined the terms 'dogging', 'cruising' and 'cottaging', because this a) saves me from having to compromise my browsing history, 2) saves me from having to do the same but in a much more confusing manner and thirdly, has told me what these terms mean, although I think I covered this reason in point i). I am also silently cursing her, because I have even less of a clue as to what to write about this week as I thought I would, save from comment on the borderline dogging which occurred in Las Vegas with a certain grandson of the Queen.

When I heard about said grandson's antics in Vegas, aside from wondering what he was doing in Vegas and not in Wales or the Falkland being brave and flying mountain rescue helicopters (or is that William? I can never remember...) I instantly decided that this would be the topic of my post this week, because I said to myself enough times that I actually began believing it that the person who took those photos was dogging... and then I began to realise that dogging is the act of watching other people have sex, most of the time outside, and that the published photos display neither sex nor the hotel exterior, then it failed to qualify.

And so I had nothing to talk about.

Even my friend couldn't suggest what to talk about, aside from talking about gay composers like Michael Tippet or Benjamin Britten or Aaron Copland; a suggestion he quickly retracted when I pointed out that 1) that's got nothing to do with dogging/cruising/cottaging, and b), if I wanted to talk about gay composers, I could just as easily talk about myself, in which case nobody would give a flying fuck anyway.

I think it's for the best that I just don't say much more apart from my opinion.... don't do dogging (is that even grammatically correct?!), because you can watch porn and filter out all the crappy videos you don't like without having to leave your house/room/bed. Don't do cottaging - I find relieving myself in public toilets unhygienic enough; the thought of having sex with a stranger who may possibly be just as hygienic as the cubicle wall he's pressing me up against is simply grotesque. And lastly, don't do cruising (unless it's around the Mediterranean or Caribbean on a boat) because if you get a serial cruiser, then you have no idea where the parts he's putting in you have been before.

The only remaining acceptable alternative to cruising.

Illegal outside-sex fun

I have to say, like James, I'm overjoyed that for once I get to write about a theme that I came up with, and voted for. However, I'm stuck for what to say again, it's another one of them awkward topics that you'd do fine taking to your best friend or diary about, but to write something for the interwebs where it's out for anyone to read... GAh 

So, Cottaging, Dogging and Cruising. Do I need to state definitions? From off the top of my head:

• Dogging - Having sex inside a parked car, usually in a park car-park, with people watching through the windows
• Cottaging - having sex with someone in a pubic toilet
• Cruising -Having sex with a stranger (that you've met in the woods?)

Because googling "gay toilet sex" wasn't as productive as I hoped

I've heard that during the times when being gay was illegal, it was very common for gay people in hiding to engage in cottaging and cruising with strangers in "hotspots", because it wasn't safe for people to have same-sex relationships. They just settled their urges and go about their day, no names exchanged, it was too dangerous. They even had plain-clothed police hanging around some bathrooms to catch the wrong-doers in the act. 

In modern times, all three acts are still common, many-a-times I come across used condoms whilst walking through the woods. It seems that the woods near mine and James' house is somewhat of a hotspot, we call it "the dogging woods", we've been walkies there before together. When a friend moves in nearby, you have to introduce to them all the parks and woods nearby, it's one of the rules. It has a lovely car-park set quite away from roads unlike most parks, which makes it more private and perfect. You have to drive down a little drive-way to get to the car-park, which means that if a police van turns up, a lookout can quickly warn everyone in the act, so you could all get your clothes on in time. "....we're just here to watch the stars Officer...". Gee, I'm sounding like I'm advertising the woods to you all, but really, the worst thing is getting caught.. 

Make sure you have a cover-story :D

Yes, (as if you didn't want to know) you can get arrested if the police find you sexing it up in the woods or the loo, or in the kiddie-park; whether you're doing it same-sexed or different-sexed or multi-sexed. I think they call it "public indecency", as though anyone walking through the woods at that time of night don't expect to see live-porn. The special volunteer police in Essex actually go through the woods with torches trying to catch people in the act. As my mother always says "why can't they just leave the poor buggers alone, they've gone somewhere hidden, they're not hurting anyone..", I agree, the police are no fun :'D 

It has to be on everyone's bucket list :O

For the most part, I don't have anything against dogging, cottaging, cruising and outside sex. I probably wouldn't do cottaging, I'm not too keen on public loos, the others I won't knock. Outside sex is fun if you dig that sort of thing, don't knock it till you try it, as they say... but probs best to be tried on private property. The last thing you want is to have the beach-security people coming up to you to say that people in the hotels next to the beach could see everything you did, and could've easily video-taped you. Worse is if you can't understand French, and they're communicating to you with very loud French and hand-gestures. hehe.......

Time for me to go to bed, 

so NaNight, 

eli x

Also, I must add, I typed this with a half-peeled banana in my mouth, because it's hard to type and eat at the same time. I thought it'll be a good snack when I started, but I was wrong ¬¬

ps, feel free to correct some of my info, I've only got them off the top of my head, from documentaries that I've watched too long ago to be able to recall the names, let alone what happened in them.. We welcome comments, tweets, and emails  >.<

pps, Sorry for my frequent absence, am still in Japan, it's hard to take time to open my laptop. 

Dogging

Don't be a drag, just be a queen

Honey, rainbow is so your colour

Work it babes

Well this escalated quickly....

I'm not going to lie. I had no idea what to write about dogging....not without revealing painful memories and traumatising all readers.

Lots of Late Love
Mel

Dogging, fields and time travel.

My dear Readers, I have two very important things to announce.

One is that I'm very, very sorry that, once again, I've had to resort to the magic of retroactive scheduling in order to get this post out "on time". You see, Blogger was being very unpleasant, then I gave up and went for a long walk, then when I got home it had... gone through absolutely changes whatsoever, and remained steadfastly intransigent.

I am not a man of the 21st Century. It's a miracle I haven't burnt a programmer at the stake for witchcraft yet.

Now, with Blogger back on my side, I move on the the second point, which is WOO, THE TOPIC I WANTED IS THE TOPIC WE'RE WRITING ON! As such, I'm proud to present the topic for the week, "Dogging/Cottaging/Cruising, etc."

Please read nothing into the fact that I desperately wanted this topic. Nothing at all.

Oh dear, I've dug myself a hole here, one which isn't exactly being filled in by the fact that me and Eli live quite near a dogging site. A few, actually. I walked past/through several on my walk while Blogger fumed over whatever unknowable offence I'd committed against it. You see, we live in an amicably suburban area, which just so happens to be surrounded on 3 sides by grass and trees and bushes and nature in general, so it's perfect for surreptitious sexytimes. The pub which acts as a meeting point is only 10 minutes from the bush which acts as a bed. The isolated car-park only 5 minutes from the local condom vendor. It's really quite perfect. 

I Googled the name of my local area + "dogging". I don't recommend this.
Unless, y'know, it would aid you somehow.

I apologise for the rambling and uninformative nature of this post, but I've had 10.2 units of alcohol, and it's 05:21. Don't worry though, I'll schedule it for 09:00 yesterday, and it should reach you then. Right?

I'm glad we're friends again, Blogger.

Yours tiredly,

James.

I may or may not have engaged in some variety of sexual activity outside myself... I just don't wish to write about it.