I miss-spelled celibacy

Rory covered for me yesterday, as I got from Japan late Wednesday, and was still jet lagged yesterday. So Danke Rory >.<

After reading everyone's debate/blame game on the miss spelling of "celibacy", I've come to a horrific conclusion, that it must have been me that spelt it wrong in the theme pool... For that I apologise. But in way, that miss-spelling must reflect my views on celibacy - the subject is so little concern of mine, that I don't even know how to spell the word correctly. I don't think I've ever google it..

Celibacy: a fetish - according to the interwebs

Celibacy, is the act of choosing to not have sex indefinitely. I assume that for the most part, it only applies to those of us that are sexually active, as there must be somewhat of a difference between choosing to remain a virgin, and choosing to be celibate.

I've read accounts in one of my feminist sex ed books, of people who are celibate, but only seem to count sex as penis-to-vagina (sorry for being vulgar, I couldn't think of a better way to put it). The account didn't consider masturbation.

But what about lesbian sex? or gay sex?

I could happily give up heterosexual sex indefinitely, or should I say that I have already, considering right now, I have mel? But I wouldn't consider myself celibate. I probably wouldn't consider myself celibate if I limited my sexual activities to masturbation. To me it seems silly, if you're going to be celibate, why go about it so half-assed, and not go the whole hog going cold-turkey?

Forgive my ignorance, but is there such a thing as true celibacy, not having sex - just because? and WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

I can understand just sticking to masturbation, if you've been sexually molested and don't like being touched; you don't have anybody to fuck; you have a serious STD; you have a deficiency of some sort; or you've chosen to stay celibate for spiritual reasons. But I consider them all to be somewhat forced celibacy.

I think celibacy must be one of the main reasons why I decided (after much pondering) not to become a nun. Oh, and the fact that I don't believe in God. I'm not against that kind of forced celibacy, and staying celibate because you feel you have to, it somewhat noble of them, but as for me, I am young, and I want my freedom to jump on anyone I fancy jumping on.

The question this week, I've been told, is what would you give up sex for? So here's my list:

• I'd give up heterosexual sex for lesbian sex, and vice-versa, depending on circumstances.
• I'd give up sex for my life, or life of others, if I was told I had to choose between having sex and dying, or not having sex and living.. 
• I'd give up sex if I had an STD or until I was rid of it
• I'd give up sex if my partner wasn't here, and wished me to. Probably.

So, sorry if my views are wrong or offend you in anyway, it's just my ignorant rant, blah, I might have to go read this:

see you next week,

eli x

ps, comment/email if you wish, I'm writing on mel's account, because I'm on her laptop, she's asleep next to me, and I forgot to log out. Bah humbug. 

Writing is to blogging what masturbation is to sex.

Source: goodreads

We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie. ― Joycelyn Elders, "Abstinence", Penn & Teller: Bullshit! (Showtime), 5 June 2006

“My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

“I suffer from tennis elbow. It’s an old masturbating injury from when I was training to go into politics.” ― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand.”  ― Robert Clark

“Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate?” ― Robert Clark

“If I'm going to merely ramble, maybe I should just snuggle under the warm covers, think of Miu, and play with myself.” ― Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart (coincidence, Miu, I think not)

Source: wikiquote

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love. ― Woody Allen, in Annie Hall

You're gonna be pleasing each other, and if he already knows what pleases him, and he's gonna please himself, then why am I in the picture? ― Christine O'Donnell, "IX: The Safest Sex of All", Sex in the 90s (MTV), 1996

Self improvement is masturbation. ― Tyler Durden, in Fight Club

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. ― Woody Allen

I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something. ― Dave Attell

If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't 'taper off'. You've got to quit, cold jerky! ― Lenny Bruce

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it. ― Truman Capote

If God had intended for us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter. ― George Carlin

Masturbation: Shaking hands with the unemployed. ― George Carlin

My mother caught me. ― George Costanza from Seinfeld

Physics is to mathematics as sex is to masturbation. ― Richard Feynman

The only thing about masturbation to be ashamed of is doing it badly. ― Sigmund Freud

Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work. ― Karl Kraus

Masturbation is to sex as philosophy is to reality. ― Karl Marx

Sophisticated persons masturbate without compunction. They do it for reasons of health, privacy, thrift and because of the remarkable perfection of invisible partners. ― P. J. O'Rourke

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. ― Lily Tomlin

If you're going to gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. ― Mark Twain

Masturbation is just like procrastination, it's fun at first, but in the end you're just screwing yourself. ― Anonymous

No worries... It will not make you blind

National Masturbation Month. When I found out about it I was astonished, "No way!" I exclaimed. I did not understand the reasons that may push someone to decide to dedicate a whole month to… what may be considered a regular habit for the majority of people. I though it might be something silly like the "steak and BJ day". So I researched (just a bit, the internet has too much of an infinite amount of information for me to be bothered to look for stuff) and actually, the reasons for the existence of this month are rather good. Apparently this celebration began in 1995 in San Francisco as a response to the forced resignation of then U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders. After a speech at the United Nations World AIDS Day in 1994, an audience member asked Elders about masturbation’s potential for discouraging early sexual activity. The answer was: “I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.” So the purpose of National Masturbation month is to protest against Elder's unjust fairing while at the same time encouraging people to talk about masturbation.

Remember, it is not just guys

Something that confused me about the previous posts this week is how my fellow homojournalists (except Mel of course) have not been masturbating due to exams (although I believe this is a lie). They say that we are way to stressed and have too little free time to… enjoy ourselves (literally). As the pictures wisely points out, masturbation minimises stress, so surely this is exactly one of those times when masturbation is more useful. It relaxes you and clears your mind out and it doesn’t even require that much time (faster than sex don't you think?).

I don't see anything wrong with that, do you?

Sure, masturbation is a personal and intimate matter and you would not want someone walking in on you, but so is sex and yet everyone talks about that (or maybe it is just us... huh, an eventuality I had not considered). The great majority of people masturbate, although men more than women. Now, why is that? Probably women are simply more prude and for some weird reason feel like masturbating is something to be embarrassed because it would make them dirty (some reminiscent from the ideal of virginity?). Well let me tell you something, dirty is the new hot, ESPECIALLY if you are a girl. I have yet to encounter a porn video on male-masturbation o.O ...and I hope I never do.  Furthermore, it is more difficult for a guy to make a girl cum than the other way around. This is because the nature of a female orgasm is different than that of a guy, reason why, as Mel pointed out, the existence of female orgasm actually needed to be discovered. It is also true, whether you know this or not, that female orgasm is also something to be learned (I know right!). Now by that I don't mean literally, but it is true that orgasms get better with maturity and habit. Many say that female orgasms need practice, and what better way than to explore oneself to find out what exactly you like? Everyone is different; you are the only one who can tell your man what you like so you too can have a (more than just) pleasurable experience.

If you are this prude girl who doesn't believe she needs to masturbate well, you are wrong. Let sex & the city teach you something and introduce you to: "the Rabbit"… just don't get addicted.

Due to explicit content I am unable to directly upload the video. But do WATCH it, it is worth it (for the ignorant: you are meant to click on "watch" to see the video but otherwise here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-RozcHd08k&feature=related )

Sorry for the short post, but unfortunately I have biology waiting for me… no not the fun one, the one you actually have to study on books, in school, that you have to take an exam… hmm, if you have a brain that feeds on innuendoes there is just no way of getting around this.

I will just like to add that I have concentrated on female masturbation for 2 reasons:

1- I am a girl
2- I believe guys don't really need any further encouragement

See you next week!

Love,

Miu xx

P.S. Don't forget to e-mail us at homojournal@gmail.com for any questions, comments, request or if you are bored and have nothing better to do. We are available 24/7 (that is 24 minutes every 7 hours) so try your luck!

The Evolution of Porn

Happy Masturbation Month! Because I’m pretty sure the only person who wished to know my personal experiences with this topic is Miu, I decided to use artistic license and speak about porn, a closely related topic. Sorry if this post ruins everything fun about it for you, but I’m sure you’re partner will be impressed with your historical knowledge and if all else fails in your history exam you know where to turn in an attempt to amuse the examiner into giving you a good grade. I’m looking at Rory and his pheasants here.

Evidence of porn, or what could loosely be described as erotica, has been found in many ancient cultures. Think rock carvings and cave paintings. Although this is more likely to be involved with fertility and appreciation of female goddesses, rather than encouraging masturbation. But it has been suggested pornography serves an evolutionary purpose, so it is entirely plausible porn was hit upon as a method of encouraging procreation early on in society.

At last, a society where my food baby will be adored.

The era of porn really took off, mainly in impolite society, was the Victorian ages. Oh,yes, those ankles. However, they really owe it to the Romans, lots of erotic art was discovered during excavations of Pompeii, what else is the logical following action if not to try and emulate it. French impressionism was a big player here; art has traditionally been freer with its sexual connotations than most other forms of media. Can you imagine if the Sunday Times suddenly printed a naked picture of the Queen, in honour of her jubilee? Isn’t jubilee a lovely word? The Sun is of course the exception to the rule. The Victorians cottoned on pretty quick and soon passed laws making it illegal to distribute items of an “obscene nature”. Making it illegal to own (specific types, such as child pornography) is a relatively recent change in legislation, rather worryingly.

The official first English pornography in prose format was “Fanny Hill” by John Cleland, I’m not sure if this is the root of all M-rated fan fiction or if teenagers came up with that one all on their own. Magazines were the natural progression from literature and obviously as soon as moving pictures were invented (in 1895) some genius realised there was huge profit to be made. Some people argue that the reason the DVD really took off was because of how useful it was in the porn industry. But to believe that you probably need a slightly more cynical view of human nature than I possess.

Forget Google HQ. New dream workplace.

To move into evolutionary stages that directly affect you, my dearest readers, the growing market for porn aimed at females may have shaped the whole industry. Some estimates suggest that around 1 in 3 of online pornographic purchases are made by women. Steve Hirsch, CEO of Vivid Entertainment, estimates 30-40% of market is now female. What does this mean? I’m told there has been an increasing demand for more storyline, foreplay and romance. Perhaps this is influenced by the rise of the female porn directors and producers. Even the format and delivery of erotica is subtly changing; sites like redtube or youporn make it very easy to target what you want to watch, and avoid all the scary things that might ruin your entire childhood. Rule 34, if you can imagine it, it exists somewhere on the internet… Disney porn anyone? Sex shops that used to have a sleazy reputation are morphing into female orientated ‘boutiques’which make it sound a lot more classy and glamorous. Although none of this can explain to me the bizarre porn I watched the first five minutes of on tumblr, in which a lemon tree seemed to be pivotal to the plot….

Over and out,

Todostrieb

Ps. if anyone looks at my internet history I'm totally doomed.

Masturbation month, woop!

Apologies everyone for the EXTREEEME lateness, This week Mel and I have swapped posting days, in order to better accommodate our exam timetables. But I’ve been hooked up to my kindle for 9 and a half hours, face down in my bed,  listening to the audio book of “1984”. I have my English exam tomorrow. *sighs*. We exam students are unfortunate as to not be able to experience the pleasure of this month, but alas, there is no reason why you can’t enjoy it…..

The blog I got this from starts with.. "Allison Roh Park was 14 the first time she saw a man masturbating across from her on the subway..."

What is masturbation?

Well, one way of putting it, is “to have sex with yourself”, which… isn’t really the correct term, as you can do it in the company of others too.. the vulgar and blunt way of putting it, would be the manual stimulation of your genitals.

Don’t let the way I define it put you off… it supposively feels nice J

So how does one do this act?

Well dear reader, that is a delicate matter… people like different things, and also everyone has different things that rock their boat.. like eating ice-cream.. everyone has their favourite flavour, and different ways of eating it… oui?

Now, it would be ever-so awkward for me to tell you a detailed “how-to”… and I don’t think I’d be able to keep it PG, so, here’s some useful websites:

For girlies… The-clitoris.com 

For maleies…. www.mens-sexual-health.org/

Is it normal?

86.9% of males aged 18-19 and 66% of females aged 18-19 admitted masturbating at least once in their lifetime.  (Statistics from the Kinsey institute)

So *ahem*, obviously, this is not something to be embarrassed  about… more people masturbate than there are non-straight people…

What’s more, it looks like masturbation has stopped being just a singular act by the lonesome, people are masturbating with others too… there was also a survey (by the same institute), about masturbating with other people…

49.3% of males aged 18-19 and 38.8% of females aged 18-19 admitted to have done so in their lifetimes…

Now, that doesn’t seem to be very many, but if you look down the column at the “age 25-29” range, the number has increased to 69% of males and 64% of females , which is more than half of those questioned!!

Other statistics from the webbie

• In a study of undergraduate college students, 98% of men and 44% of women reported having ever masturbated (Pinkerton, Bogart, Cecil, & Abramson, 2002).
• Among undergraduate students, men reported masturbating an average of 12 times per month, while women reported an average of 4.7 times per month (Pinkerton, Bogart, Cecil, & Abramson, 2002).
• In a study of African-American women aged 15 to 64, 62% reported that they had masturbated at some point during their lives (Robinson, Bockting, & Harrell, 2002).
• About 60% of men and 40% of women reported masturbating in the past year (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994).
• Nearly 85% of men and 45% of women who were living with a sexual partner reported masturbating in the past year (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994).
• 35% of American men aged 18-39 do not masturbate while 37% masturbate sometimes, and 28% one or more times per week (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994).
• 53% of men and 25% of women masturbated for the first time by ages 11 to 13 (Janus & Janus, 1993).
• 5% of men and 11% of women have never masturbated (Janus & Janus, 1993).

But watch out Porn-lovers

In the UK, there may be a law passed very soon, that makes internet providers censor “Adult content” (quick, google this for more info), and make it necessary for people to “opt-in” to view adult content. For you to be able to continue to watch your favourite pornos online, you have to convince your parents…

Ah, the awkwardness for youngens to come makes me laugh… BUT, one thing that does worry me, is the awfully frequent amount of times that we’ve used words such as PENIS, and LESBIANS… Will our blog be censored too? Will I have to ask my mother nicely to “opt-in” to view “Adult content”?  I worry.

Yours worrisomely,

Eli x

comment, rate, subscribe, emaillllllll

Happy Touching Yourself Month! :D

Up until my esteemed colleague Eli informed me of May's secret identity, I thought of it as a dull month. Wearing glasses and a boring grey suit, on the outside May was just another month, the plain Jane of the family when compared with the hot-headed August or the cool, magical December. However, in 1995, a group of specialists called Good Vibrations worked through the night to change May, to give it powers previously unheard of, that it may use in its role as the superhero... National Masturbation Month.

Pictured above: the results of me trying to find a safe picture on Google involving "superheroes" and  "masturbation".

You see, Good Vibrations quite rightly thought that, for all the good masturbation does for the world, its a remarkably under-appreciated activity. How often do you have full complete conversations about masturbation, without 90% of the words spoken being dick jokes? As in, talked about it in the same manner as you'd talk about what you're having for dinner, or which toothpaste you use? Because we really should.

Here are some of the proven benefits of masturbation:

• It eases depression - sexual stimulation releases chemicals in the brain that can combat those blues we all feel from time to time.
• It may reduce your likelihood of prostate cancer (if you're male, that is) - while no causal link could be established, there was a correlation between increased instance of masturbation and ejaculation and decreased instance of prostate cancer.
• It can ease breathing - it reduces the size of engorged swollen blood vessels, including those in the nose and throat. 
• It poses little risk - you're significantly unlikely to give yourself an STD (even touching a coldsore before touching yourself can't do any damage).
• It makes you god-damn happy.

"No no, I don't need any of these - my Redtube membership is all I need to live."

So yes, we Homojournalist fully endorse masturbation, and so we're jumping on the bandwagon and having a week devoted to it. Expect at least 10 dick jokes by Sunday.

Apologies for the shorter than average post, but English exams and the baking of cakes have limited my free time. Luckily that shouldn't be the case next week...

...next week it'll be Russian, Biology and Economics limiting my time.

As per usual, we're open to any comments, strange ramblings and dick jokes you feel like sending us at homojournal@gmail.com, I'm off to relax and reduce the size of my engorged nasal blood vessels,

Until next time,

James.

I bet you sat there and imagined me reduce the size of my engorged nasal blood vessels as well, filthy people.