Group sex is like swinging, right?

Right, hello Homo-Journal readers. I’m this week’s guest poster. Don’t expect brilliant literary work from me; I'm tired and ill. It’s also half past nine on Saturday night (I admit, I forgot I was meant to be writing this :/)

But, as my title probably tells you, I’m not actually focusing on swinging per se, but on threesomes. I have, in my life been offered three threesomes (for those of you wondering; 2 FMF, one MFM, and one of the FMF was with two of the regular Homo-Journalists – we’re an incestuous bunch like that). However, at the the times I was offered these... liaisons, I was a singleton, so it most definitely wouldn’t count as swinging. Although I’d like to point out that in the vast majority of my relationships, I did suggest a threesome at some point; if only to see the guys’ reaction. Every time I suggested it the response was a very firm no along with "I'm not sharing you." For a long time I didn’t understand this mindset at all. Sharing is caring right?

WRONG. I love my boyfriend dearly, which is why although I want him to be happy, I wouldn’t share him with anyone. Not even someone I trust completely. For example, he recently had a dream where he had a threesome with myself and Mel; and although he wasn’t touching her (yes, I got all the gory details, no Mel, I won’t share them with you), and it was only a dream I still felt a little uncomfortable. The irony of my refusal to share him is that we’re in an open relationship. Now, before you go jumping on your high horse and dismiss me as a massive hypocrite; we also live 200 odd miles apart. Neither of us treat it as an open relationship, we’re both completely committed. It’s essentially there as a failsafe.

I’ve basically consigned threesomes to a very unlikely possible future with myself and him. Which isn’t to say it’ll never happen; more that I have demands which would have to be met. I don’t want to cover all the same ground as the other bloggers but MY personal set of rules are:

• We would’ve had to have been together for years
• And have complete trust in each other
• And be living far closer to each other; I can’t afford the insecurity from this far away
• I have to have some say in picking the other girl (we’re both straight but I’m more flexible)
• AND most importantly for me... he wouldn’t really be allowed to do anything much with her; he’s attracted to her, I’m not... so it’s not cheating if I do anything to her, as I’m putting on a show for him.

I honestly don’t care if you think that’s selfish, because those are my rules. You’d probably have different ones, which is the whole point. If you’re going to have a threesome, or go swinging or even put yourself in a sexual environment (like, say, going to a fetish club with the Homo-Journalists) then there has to be complete trust, and rules in place that both of you agree to. But do you want to know one of the reasons I love my boyfriend? I told him my rules and he turned around to me and said "it’s not something we have to do. I can see you aren't comfortable with it. But you have to accept that I’m going to still like the idea of it." Which I think is one of the most wonderful things about him ^^. And no, I'm not just talking him up because he’ll see this. Chances are he won’t. But yes, I'm sorry dear reader, if this seems rushed or off topic.

So yes, I was off topic a bit but hey, I consulted James when I asked for the topic and he said that group sex was allowable :3 so, if you have an issue with my deviation and lack of humour, blame him xD

Amber

What's mine is mine, so hands off bitch!

My idea of swinging

I am the Queen of the world!

Others' idea of swinging

I want to have sex with your partner for a night, do you want mine?

My idea of sharing

omnomnom just like Lady and the Tramp

Others' idea of sharing

Of course your other girlfriend can come

My idea of open relationship

The world deserves to know how nauseating we are

Others' idea of open relationship

Whose turn is it tonight?

Obviously people have different opinions, but my ideas look way more fun, cute and happy, why change them?

Reasons for swinging according to Wikipedia

1- Increased quality, quantity and frequency of sex.

One does not have to be a nymphomaniac to appreciate sex; some are never satisfied and just want more.  This is largely determined by testosterone levels, though it might also be induced by some sort of trauma (daddy issues?). Either way, I can understand that one may want a lot of sex, but is this a good justification? Why would anyone want to have sex with someone who isn't me? Let's not be ridiculous. Want more sex? Take a week off, no need to get other couples involved.

2- To add variety into an otherwise conventional sex life.

Though I understand this reason, I don't believe swinging is necessarily the solution. There are plenty of ways to add variety; want to spice things up in bed? Have a look at our fetish week. Experiment, talk to each other, what you like, what you don't like, find ways that will satisfy both. Hey, you can even invite a third party if you really want.

3- Curiosity.

Now this, I'm ok with. It’s normal to be curious, and it is often good to experiment. If both parties agree, one can always try. Communication is, however, very important. The couple should talk about how this experience made them feel, and if there is even a slight discomfort, stop before it's too late.

4- A healthy outlet and means to strengthen the relationship.

If by "strengthen the relationship" one means: "that was horrible, I was thinking of you the whole time, I never want to have sex with someone else!" Then yes, I agree. However, if the response is more like "well that was fun, I enjoyed having sex with someone else, we should do it more often" then I fail to understand how it strengthens the relationship.

In my opinion, swinging is like "justified cheating". However, it is also true that a relationship is more than just sex, it is about the feelings behind it. I said swinging is like justified cheating, but that does not imply it is wrong unless I prove cheating is wrong. Cheating has become a synonym of betrayal. You no longer satisfy your partner enough, so he/she felt the need to compensate with someone else. One can't help but feel hurt by this. It brings discomfort and anger in a relationship and this is generally considered wrong. Some believe swinging is the solution to this, but how does the fact that both members agree to cheat on each other (cause cheating is having sex, or any sexual activity, with someone that is not your partner) make it any better? If I find out my boyfriend slept with someone else and I decided to then sleep with someone else too, is that any different?

My argument may be flawed, I'm not going to spend too much time on making a perfectly logical argument, but all I know is I would never want to have sex with someone other than my boyfriend (and I am not just saying it because I know he will read this). Nevertheless, lust and love are separate, and if he  had sex with someone else, was honest and open about it and still decided to come back to me (because I am obviously better) then I would welcome him back (though I am not saying I would be enthusiastic about it and this is not a form of encouragement *stares at boyfriend*). Maybe this shows I am a masochist, maybe I'm just stupid.

Someone once told me that cheating is often a symptom, rather than a cause, of problems in a relationship. Instead of looking for "outlets", one should look closer to figure out what is going on within. There is no point in being with someone if you find yourself looking forward to "swinging night" to sleep with someone else.

As always, I would be more than happy to hear your opinions on the matter, whether they are the same or - even better - different from my own.

Love,

Miu xx

P.S. Don't forget to e-mail us at homojournal@gmail.com for any questions, comments, request or if you are bored and have nothing better to do. We are available 24/7 (that is 24 minutes every 7 hours) so try your luck!

"Utterly deceptive twaddlespeak, says I"

When we agreed on this week’s theme my first thought was “Huzzah! I can write about how swinging has destroyed my already rather pathetic and dull love-life.” My second thought was “I need some coffee, then I’ll get started on this thing.” Hilarious phrases and cynical comments quickly passed through my mind as I stood in front of the fridge searching for the milk; I was chuckling to myself without realising – it was only when my mum walked into the kitchen and asked “What’s so funny?” that my creative skills were put to the test. “Oh,” I replied, “I was just thinking of that scene in Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason where she proudly declares she’s in a double relationship with a guy called Ben and a guy called Jerry, and how much I wish that were the case for me too.” That was the best I could come up with on the spot, and I'm still not entirely sure she believes me (wait until next week for disbelief though…)

Coffee made and milk successfully located, I returned to my room and opened up a fresh Word Document, and began writing UTTER BULLSHIT.

And so I promptly deleted what I'd already written.

That is the only phrase I can think of to sum up the twaddle I typed as I realised that I had absolutely no love life whatsoever, and as such have not been subject to swinging, nor been swung, nor swung someone, and if my pathetic love life ever sorts itself out, I don’t think I ever will either. I’m not sure if those phrases are actually the correct ones, but I have a large chocolate somethingorrather (“Spoilers!”) and four (sadly empty from last night) beer bottles next to me, so life’s good.

Then Mel decided she was going to write about swinging from Chandeliers, and I thought “bugger, that would have worked so well, but it’s already been done.” Sadface. I genuinely had no idea what to write, so I decided that I’d leave it until later on in the week 'till the point where I might be harassed (sexually or not) for having left it a little too late. Tuesday came and went, and it took me a while to realise that Mel hadn't actually written about Chandeliers, so IT WAS MINE FOR THE TAKING.

I promise, this was an accidental find, all I did was type in "swinging man chandelier" into Google...

And here we are. I'm writing, or rather, I have written about Chandeliers, and how much fun it is to swing from them. Next time you get your invitation to go to mine and Troy’s Royal Garden Party, be sure to take a moment to jump on the penis shaped chandelier we have in the toilets over in the west wing on the 12^th floor, and if you get the chance to swing from it, even better. Just don’t throw up, otherwise you’re cleaning up, and for your own sake, don’t break it or pull it from the ceiling, otherwise you’re paying for a new one. And you won’t be invited next year.

By the way, I was determined to get a Pirates of the Caribbean reference somewhere in this post, I'm not sure why... the title was the best I could do, since none of the pictures Google would give me were what I was after...

8 Things I have learnt about from my experiences with swinging

That's me, on the right.. 

1) You should always take your own batch of condoms. As many as you have, it's better to be over prepared than under prepared. Don't rely on the dick-owners. Pregnancy (if you haven't already gone through menopause) is no fun. Neither is aids.

2) If people are declining sexual offers from one person, think to yourself "why?". Don't pity fuck, that's how I ended up with crabs. Then I became that one avoided person for a while.

3) In swinging parties, there are going to be loads of naked people. You are going to be naked. You have to learn to be confident with who you are, and not judge other people.

4) Don't over fantasise before hand. Be realistic. If you are a over-weight, middle-aged couple, expect other over-weight, middle-aged people. Don't be disappointed when there are no supermodels with figures like David Beckham's or Pipper's.

5) Don't be jealous of whomever your husband/wife joins. You only have a special emotional bond with your significant other, and the people they (and you) get with at these parties are different. Besides, your partner is less likely to cheat on you and have affairs if you allow him, and give him permission to sleep with others at these parties, whilst you do the same. You both have to be mutually trusting for the swinging life to work for you. Or else it will only disappoint, and end leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.

6) Don't partner up with the same person repeatedly. Mix it up a little, go with others, have threesomes and whatever-many-somes. It makes things much more interesting, as well as preventing jealousy and things getting messy.

7) Be nice to the host, RSVP as soon as you can, and take gifts for the host. They are the ones opening up their homes, for you to enjoy, and they are likely to be cleaning up your bodily fluids off the sofa the next morning. If you are a pleasent guest, you are more likely to be invited back.

8) Don't take your children with you.

shall post up my "day in the life of a swinger" sometime later.. I have to go off to work..

eli (alsos, the "my experiences" part is fictional.. and so is my "day in the life" bit.. just to let you know.. Am not a swinger...  )

Swingers, not to be confused with “singers”

Apparently, we have the sexual revolution of the 1960’s to thank for the possibility of swinging, or swapping partners, but it’s hard to revolutionise something that’s been around since the dawn of time. Human nature is based at least partly on lust, no matter how much you tell yourself your purpose in life is to help the cute fluffy bunnies. So, I'm sure polygamy and partner swapping was around long before then. In fact, I have it on good authority Eskimos “wife-lended”.

Perhaps swinging is the way forward, some studies show that about 60% of people in a marriage cheat, with surprisingly similar data for both the men and women, could it be that we are designed to have more than one partner? And, to once again take the fun out of sex for you, perhaps it’s to have more genetic variation.

It’s been proven that after a while with a loving partner (don’t use this as an excuse to cheat on your girlfriend/boyfriend, I’m speaking 3-7 years here) the same physical response, which romantics will refer to as “the spark”, as when you first met is very unlikely to still be there. Swinging or an open relationship could be one of many answers to this. Although, it’s probably a lot less effort to walk to your nearest sex shop and buy a liquorice whip. 

The main problems with swinging are:

1. Jealousy
2. Sexual health
3. Unwanted pregnancy
4. Lack of car keys
5. Religion/ moral objections

If you’re sensible and have a spare set of keys 2-5 are unlikely to be a problem for you. But as Mel pointed out, can you really ever overcome your inner Tinkerbelle? Personally I think not, I have a suspicious nature and not very nice hair.

From the moral standpoint I’m of the opinion polygamy is fine, but it takes a very strong and trusting relationship for both parties to be happy, and that needs to be the aim. Non- consensual polygamy (is that an actual term?) or cheating, I’m against. But humans all make mistakes.

Garden Swings, Swingers and Tinkerbell...

I outgrew the kiddies swing set in my back garden around the age of sixteen, when I was thrown into the world of leather sex swings and swinging couples. Well, I exaggerate a little, leather sex swings are still on my to do list. Swinging, sharing partners or being in an open relationship are ideas that looks brilliant on paper - like building a set of wings out of feathers and wax and taking a closer look at the sun - but in reality it starts off hot, and before you know it you’re falling through the sky never to be seen again.

So I lied, sue me, that swing set will always have a place in my heart.

The problem, of course, is the green eyed monster. While in our minds it’s fine for our better halves to have as much freedom as they want, in our hearts there’s a little lion that says "rawr" and digs his claws in until it hurts. It starts off fun, makes things interesting, but it quickly becomes a tug and pull on your heartstrings.

Now, to those of you thinking jealousy would be a turn on or that you wouldn't even get jealous, I will give a few words of warning. Some people find it easy to separate sex and emotions, to me sex can be just sex, but it can also be more. Bully for us. This doesn’t mean swinging is a good idea. Jealousy is spawned from insecurity, something even the cold hearted bitches amongst us are victims of.  Sooner or later you start to wonder if those girls’ boobs are bigger than yours, if he likes her hair better and so on.

As a bisexual I suspect there can be even more insecurity rising up from the cavernous gender divide. What if your bisexual counterpart has a craving for washboard abs and goatee? As a girl the only penis I can offer is silver and made of silicone. What if they’re bored of vagina and fancy their chances with a guy instead of a girl? Or vice versa? These are all things to think carefully about when coming up with open relationship agreements.

Human beings are a strange species; we often find the things that can hurt us the most coveted. With that temptation in mind added to my own sluttiness of course, I can understand why swinging is more and more a common occurrence. Playing with fire is fun, but better watch out you don’t get burnt! You’ve got to be careful that the real reason you want to spice things up by swapping partners isn’t that there is nothing left to spice up. Your relationship has to be strong for swinging to work, and, as we all know, relationships that strong are fairy dust.

90% of people in a happy open relationship are lying, maybe to you, maybe to themselves, maybe to both.

So, having put forward my distrust of swingers, I now have to give you the other side of the argument. I have an older friend whose girlfriend has been studying in America. They've been dating for years and at first the separation was hard for them. They both wanted to carry on dating each other but the thought of a dry spell lasting several years was a painful one. After a bit of fumbling around, they decided on what I like to call a "closed open relationship"; like a closed adoption but more confusing. Basically, they do whatever with whomever and don’t tell each other about it. Apparently the secrecy prevents the jealous issue rearing its ugly head. Personally, I think it would just allow my imagination to run wild and drive me mad. Nevertheless, it clearly worked for them; this September they’ll be reunited, the open relationship deals will come to an end, they'll get married and run off into the sunset. 

En sommaire, if swinging is your thing, THINK ABOUT IT. Talk about it, and continue to talk about it after your swinging exploits have begun. I don't mean share all the gory details, I mean share your *shudders with 
horror* actual feelings about it. 


Lots of Love,
Mel
xxx

Sharing is not always caring.

Sex is good. I know this isn't likely to be a wildly revelatory statement, but I feel the need to get it out of the way, because it's kind of the whole basis of why people swing.

Not pictured: what I'm talking about.

You see, for most people, a normal, sedentary sex life is enough. They find a partner, have as much sex as they can both have without either of them succumbing to cardiac arrest, and continue about their lives. Oh, sure, they might dabble in some more interesting methods of pleasure, such as bondage or role play, but it's always with the same person, and it's always comfortably familiar.

But, just like with cake, there are some people who simply cannot abide limits. They need more, in every way: larger quantities, richer quality, more diversity. And so, said sexually free people are faced with three choices: have more sex with their current partner (and stress them into a cardiac arrest), introduce kinkier kinks such as Violet Wands (and possibly scare them into a cardiac arrest) or, as many do, turn to swinging.

Still not pictured: what I'm talking about. 

Some say swinging (i.e non-monogamous behaviour among committed partners) began in the wild, free-love era of the '60s, some say earlier, in the American military camps of the '50s, but the origin is of little importance: I don't personally believe it's become any more or less acceptable or unacceptable since its inception, so I'll just talk about how I see it now. Talking about swinging now and then would be like comparing murder now and then; it's reasonably sure that there won't be a sizeable difference in reaction.

Famous? Yes. Accepted? Not particularly.

Much like many of the things we write about, whether swinging is good or bad is largely up to the context. Swinging absolutely needs to be mutual, with both partners participating, or else someone's likely to end up hurt. If one person's swinging, and one person isn't, it's not really swinging - at best, it's an open relationship; at worst, cheating, which is all the salient information I really have on this topic. I'm sure the others will inform you about the etiquette, safety precautions, and how to avoid having to sleep with the atrociously ugly woman at the swingers party, but I'm just here to furnish you with info from personal experience: make sure what you're doing is actually swinging.

As per usual, feel free to send comments, critiques and bank details to homojournal@gmail.com.

Yours faithfully,

James.

You can tell that I was only one sad-song away from a full-blown Cretzal meltdown a la "Repent, Heterosexuals!" while writing this. We don't need another one of those.