Cakes give you food babies...sex gives you an actual baby

So there's been some confusion this week (more-so than usual) about which theme we're running with. It's either 'sex myths I thought were real' or 'cake'. I figured both were quite interesting so I'll just go with the flow.

Firstly, I'm in uni dorms. Catered uni dorms. There are no ovens. Thus....I BRING YOU...ZE MUG CAKES OF PEACE AND TRANQUILLITY....

Or if you are so inclined....

If you go for the chocolate use real coco powder, not hot-chocolate which has added milk and sugar, which generally, you know, fucks shit up.

Here are the recipes...

http://blogs.babble.com/family-kitchen/2011/11/18/8-easy-recipes-you-can-make-in-a-mug/

That page also has a variety of interesting mug experiments for me to try later. And to think! People laughed at me when I bought cooking ingredients from tesco, despite not having a kitchen. 

Confession time...my mug cake looked more like this...

But, it tasted fine, which is better than most of my culinary exploits. So, let us move on.

Sex myths? Are there still any around, I didn't think so. We all get taught sex ed (well almost everyone in the UK does) from a young age. I remember being traumatised by a cartoon couple tickling each other with feathers....in sex ed as a child.

Anyway, over a year ago now, I started a job with a charity called the Terrence Higgins Trust. It was actually set up by Mr Higgins to help gay men suffering from HIV...but now it's expanded to catch, treat and educate about sexual diseases in all young people across the country. Here are some of my favourite sex myths people have asked me about, or told me while I have been working.

1. You can get chlamydia from a toilet seat
2. You can get chlamydia from kissing
3. A condom protects from all sexual diseases
4. Coldsores can't cause genital herpes
5. There's a cure for HIV now

These are all false.

It wasn't uneducated people who believed these, it wasn't stupid people, it was people just like you an me, who just listened to the wrong sources of information.

Anyway children,

Be safe,

Mel

PS//

This is a cuddly chlamydia germ : D isn't he cute?

PDA's, yay, nay or different for gay?

Alas, I did not come up with that title myself. ('Alas' was one of the words I used to help me remember the amino acid 'Alanine, Ala' on my last exam, you can probably guess the reasons for the post muddle up).

PDA's? Never! How dare you show that much wrist in public...DEAR GOD, is that an ankle I see? *Swoon*

One is not amused

My real opinion on PDA's? Go for it, do what you like, when you like where you like. If there are children around keep it PG, but realistically even 3 year olds have seen Megara and Hercules snog, so, decency is a little different to what it once was.

If you're gay, black white, or a rainbow stripe flying fish, same applies.

Of course, it's your choice, people have different levels of comfort with the touchy feely stuff, especially in public. I mean sure, if this world was Mel land it would be a den of decadence and nerdiness in nearly equal measures (also pizza). But, sadly I am yet to come into my magical inheritances, despite being of age. Moral of the story, until I am your unquestioned leader (best put it in your diary for next thursday) then do as you please kind sirs.

Now, onto Mel's real topic of the week, her next exam. Excitable tissues, sadly a lot less exciting as the name promises. If only the dreary drudgery of multiple choice questions would be broken by affection of any kind. Alas (my new word of the day) I am left with the emotionless voice of Dr H and my hundreds of flash cards.

Lots of Love Mel

PS//

Pain fibres:

'C'  Carry Crude touch
'A' pain Arises Abruptly and is blocked by Asphyxiation

Enjoy those pain fibres you hardcore rebel, you...

I swear to drunk officer I'm not God.

********Disclaimer...I was not actually drunk when writing this, though it may seem the case. I was just high on caffeine, exam stress and jelly legs from the gym. Also I'm insane. *********

Describe each of the homojournal writers in a few sentences.
James- Small, fluffy.
Todostrieb- Middle sized, probably sleeping.
Eli- Smallest, also has tiny hands.
Rory- Taller, musically talented.
Miu- Middle sized, has nice hair.
Becky- Tall, has nice eyes.

Say which lbgt issue you feel most strongly about and why.
Probably marriage. Selfishly, because it’s the one most likely to affect me...why shouldn't I be allowed to marry a girl in church?

Would you rather have a horse the size of a rabbit, or a rabbit the size of a horse- explain your reasoning in no less than 200 words.
I would like a rabbit the size of a horse, because he would love me and be a good body guard. Also, it’d be cute. I would like a rabbit the size of a horse, because he would love me and be a good body guard. Also, it’d be cute. I would like a rabbit the size of a horse, because he would love me and be a good body guard. Also, it’d be cute. I would like a rabbit the size of a horse, because he would love me and be a good body guard. Also, it’d be cute....etc

Summarize the entire world LGBT history in no more than 200 words (ie what you think everyone... absolutely everyone should be told).
The LGBT community is the same as any other...because sexuality doesn’t change who you are. Some of us are weird. Some straight people are too. Penis in bumholes is not disgusting, grow up.

Embarrassing confession.
I actually quite like JB.

What is love/ what does love mean to you?
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Where homosexuality arises from (what makes someone gay).
There’s increasing research to suggest that our sexuality is determined at birth. For example the majority of identical twins share sexuality. (According to my BHS lecture notes). For years we couldn’t explain finger prints, why should sexuality have a great mystery behind it? We’ll know soon enough, so speculation is a waste of time.

Happiest moment you can think of, first thing that pops in your mind, no cheating! But fairly serious, don't you dare say stuff "eating a chocolate bar".
Finishing my first exam this morning...this is the most recent, hence why I thought of it first. But, if you want a good one, holding my baby sister for the first time.

Would you rather kill someone you love to end a war in a foreign country, or kill someone you hate and thereby start one?
I don’t think I could ever kill someone...every possible decision they could have made is just wiped out. Death is like the ultimate restriction of free will.

Assign a Pokemon to each Homojournalist, and justify it.
Almost all my pokemon knowledge is from the first movies and series. So, I’m going to assign Ash’s charizard to be a general homojournal mascot. When he gets his head stuck in the pipe...he pretty much represents all of our awkwardness in one scene. Also, I love him.

If you could go back and change something about your life what would it be?
I WOULD HAVE REVISED MORE FOR THESE JANUARY EXAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STUPID MEL.

If you were stuck on a deserted island which one book, movie and person would you want to take along?
Book, time travellers wife. Movie, V for vendetta (though this seems pointless without a DVD player or indeed, electricity). Person, one of those survival guides on TV who enjoy living on desert islands.

Who, other than your significant other, would we have to give you for sexy-times to get you to give us all your money?
An unlimited supply of anyone I wanted, whenever and however I wanted.

Who would you rather 'have'/'do'/etc - Justin Bieber or One Direction?
Depends on if I had to do all of 1D at the same time really...

Much Love,
Mel xxx

Top Tips for meeting guys and girls..

This week's topic is.. again, harder than I thought it would be.. It's not as tho I am sitting here surrounded by my harem of hundreds of girls. I am alone.

You'd probably get better advice asking this guy.

Advice no.1: Check around you
If you're at school, college, uni, or work, there might be someone around you who has possibilities.. Maybe there's a gay-straight alliance or a lgbt society?

If there isn't (have you really looked hard enough?) the only two tips I could think of at the moment was:

Advice no.2: Get yourself out there

Join a club, a community, anything that will get you meeting new people, and increase your possibilities. It'll be great, because the people you meet will have the same sorts of interests as you... unless you join a club that you're not interested in... Also: you won't magically meet new girls/guys if you lay in bed all day wondering why you haven't met anyone yet. 

If all else fails, try online!

There are hundreds of online dating websites, for example: Gaydar, Gaydar Girls, Pink sofa... In which you can write up a personal profile, and browse other people's profiles to see if you find anyone you like (see websites for more details on how they work). There are also social network websites, such as: Facebook, Tumblr, Gaiaonline, youtube, in which you can get talking to people casually and get to know them... and maybe have it lead to more :D 

For the most part, if you want to meet people, you have to be somewhat active. If you don't want to be active, you shouldn't be moping about not meeting people. *rants*

anyhoo, hopefully I can be more helpful next week,

eli x

ps, no matter what, whether it be sex, buying popcorn, or talking to people online, always remember to be safe :D

It really does get better

Here at homojournal we like a laugh. We muck around, drink more vodka than seems healthy and make the mistakes that lots of other teenagers do. But, we have a serious side. We care about the world and our readers. So, without further ado I begin this week’s more serious topic of suicide. In honour of the suicide prevention week happening right now.

Contrary to popular belief the Golden Gate Bridge is the second most popular suicide destination of all time. Most of us cannot imagine standing 67 metres above the water and then jumping. Hell, most of us wouldn’t jump ten. They say it’s like the 200 people who tried jumping to safety from the twin towers. The people watching couldn’t believe what they were seeing, that these people thought jumping from that height might be the better way out. But, we couldn’t feel the fire on their heels, we can’t possible understand what they were thinking in their last moments. Suicide is like that. Until you are the one standing at the edge with the flames at your back, you can only understand it in the abstract way we understand all mental health.

No-one is safe from suicide. Eminem, Diana of Wales and Halley Berry all attempted (unsuccessfully) to take their own lives. If the worlds brightest and best can feel that way, it’s no surprise that some teens in our situations feel like it’s a viable option. All minorities are statistically more prone to bullying, depression and feelings of isolation. LGBT’s are no exception to this rule. An alarming number of young people from our community committed suicide last year. And, this is something that needs to stop.

So, here’s a little advice for our readers-

Fuck them all.

Anyone who has ever looked down on you, bullied you, or broken your heart will live to regret the day they did.

Live your life. Live it so well that everyone will look to you. Change lives for the better. Be the change that should have come a long time ago.

There are many projects that can give advice and information regarding LGBT teen suicides. For example the make it stop campaign, if you want help or are interested.

There are numbers you can call if you want a chat (google my friends). Or, of course give Homojournalists an email, or a homojournalist of your choice.

Here’s a little song by Rise Against for the ‘it gets better’ project. Which I love in it’s own right, and because of the message behind it.

Remember lovers, it does get better

Mel

They say she turned straight

There's an article in the Daily Mail, about a woman that went from:

this, 

To this. 

If you type the words "I want to be turned straight" into Google, countless search results pop up, with desperate people trying to find a way out of who they are.

I take this as an indicator that homosexuality and bisexuality is something that you are born with, or something that happens, not something you choose. But in this article, the ex-lesbian states that dating women was a "choice" and not something that just happened. There was a controversy a few months back when a public figurehead stood up and announced her lesbianism was a choice. 

Perhaps this means that to some, choosing homosexuality is a choice, and to those for whom it is a choice, it may be possible to reverse that choice. However, to others, to whom it is not a choice, it could be mentally damaging to try to go-straight. My mother's friend Janet (I think) has had years of counseling due to psychological damaged caused by fanatical christian anti-homosexuality camps she was forced to attend as a teenager by her parents.

Then of course, there are some that choose to live a lie.

They say: "you can only be truly happy if you accept who you really am", but what is happiness?

"The temptation to lie to yourself, to go on living a lie, is overwhelming.."

For me personally, I think she (in the Daily Mail story) looks better as a lesbian. But I'm not the type to find the average marital bliss attractive. I think people who say that they had a choice are in fact bisexuals *shrugs*, but I am pretty much ignorant in these subjects.. again.. 

I don't think you can change who you are.. "It doesn't hurt to try it" is often a lie.. Often times if you stick with it, things get better. Especially being gay :)

see ya next Thursgay, 

eli x

ps, feel free to comment and message us :D

I miss-spelled celibacy

Rory covered for me yesterday, as I got from Japan late Wednesday, and was still jet lagged yesterday. So Danke Rory >.<

After reading everyone's debate/blame game on the miss spelling of "celibacy", I've come to a horrific conclusion, that it must have been me that spelt it wrong in the theme pool... For that I apologise. But in way, that miss-spelling must reflect my views on celibacy - the subject is so little concern of mine, that I don't even know how to spell the word correctly. I don't think I've ever google it..

Celibacy: a fetish - according to the interwebs

Celibacy, is the act of choosing to not have sex indefinitely. I assume that for the most part, it only applies to those of us that are sexually active, as there must be somewhat of a difference between choosing to remain a virgin, and choosing to be celibate.

I've read accounts in one of my feminist sex ed books, of people who are celibate, but only seem to count sex as penis-to-vagina (sorry for being vulgar, I couldn't think of a better way to put it). The account didn't consider masturbation.

But what about lesbian sex? or gay sex?

I could happily give up heterosexual sex indefinitely, or should I say that I have already, considering right now, I have mel? But I wouldn't consider myself celibate. I probably wouldn't consider myself celibate if I limited my sexual activities to masturbation. To me it seems silly, if you're going to be celibate, why go about it so half-assed, and not go the whole hog going cold-turkey?

Forgive my ignorance, but is there such a thing as true celibacy, not having sex - just because? and WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

I can understand just sticking to masturbation, if you've been sexually molested and don't like being touched; you don't have anybody to fuck; you have a serious STD; you have a deficiency of some sort; or you've chosen to stay celibate for spiritual reasons. But I consider them all to be somewhat forced celibacy.

I think celibacy must be one of the main reasons why I decided (after much pondering) not to become a nun. Oh, and the fact that I don't believe in God. I'm not against that kind of forced celibacy, and staying celibate because you feel you have to, it somewhat noble of them, but as for me, I am young, and I want my freedom to jump on anyone I fancy jumping on.

The question this week, I've been told, is what would you give up sex for? So here's my list:

• I'd give up heterosexual sex for lesbian sex, and vice-versa, depending on circumstances.
• I'd give up sex for my life, or life of others, if I was told I had to choose between having sex and dying, or not having sex and living.. 
• I'd give up sex if I had an STD or until I was rid of it
• I'd give up sex if my partner wasn't here, and wished me to. Probably.

So, sorry if my views are wrong or offend you in anyway, it's just my ignorant rant, blah, I might have to go read this:

see you next week,

eli x

ps, comment/email if you wish, I'm writing on mel's account, because I'm on her laptop, she's asleep next to me, and I forgot to log out. Bah humbug. 

Illegal outside-sex fun

I have to say, like James, I'm overjoyed that for once I get to write about a theme that I came up with, and voted for. However, I'm stuck for what to say again, it's another one of them awkward topics that you'd do fine taking to your best friend or diary about, but to write something for the interwebs where it's out for anyone to read... GAh 

So, Cottaging, Dogging and Cruising. Do I need to state definitions? From off the top of my head:

• Dogging - Having sex inside a parked car, usually in a park car-park, with people watching through the windows
• Cottaging - having sex with someone in a pubic toilet
• Cruising -Having sex with a stranger (that you've met in the woods?)

Because googling "gay toilet sex" wasn't as productive as I hoped

I've heard that during the times when being gay was illegal, it was very common for gay people in hiding to engage in cottaging and cruising with strangers in "hotspots", because it wasn't safe for people to have same-sex relationships. They just settled their urges and go about their day, no names exchanged, it was too dangerous. They even had plain-clothed police hanging around some bathrooms to catch the wrong-doers in the act. 

In modern times, all three acts are still common, many-a-times I come across used condoms whilst walking through the woods. It seems that the woods near mine and James' house is somewhat of a hotspot, we call it "the dogging woods", we've been walkies there before together. When a friend moves in nearby, you have to introduce to them all the parks and woods nearby, it's one of the rules. It has a lovely car-park set quite away from roads unlike most parks, which makes it more private and perfect. You have to drive down a little drive-way to get to the car-park, which means that if a police van turns up, a lookout can quickly warn everyone in the act, so you could all get your clothes on in time. "....we're just here to watch the stars Officer...". Gee, I'm sounding like I'm advertising the woods to you all, but really, the worst thing is getting caught.. 

Make sure you have a cover-story :D

Yes, (as if you didn't want to know) you can get arrested if the police find you sexing it up in the woods or the loo, or in the kiddie-park; whether you're doing it same-sexed or different-sexed or multi-sexed. I think they call it "public indecency", as though anyone walking through the woods at that time of night don't expect to see live-porn. The special volunteer police in Essex actually go through the woods with torches trying to catch people in the act. As my mother always says "why can't they just leave the poor buggers alone, they've gone somewhere hidden, they're not hurting anyone..", I agree, the police are no fun :'D 

It has to be on everyone's bucket list :O

For the most part, I don't have anything against dogging, cottaging, cruising and outside sex. I probably wouldn't do cottaging, I'm not too keen on public loos, the others I won't knock. Outside sex is fun if you dig that sort of thing, don't knock it till you try it, as they say... but probs best to be tried on private property. The last thing you want is to have the beach-security people coming up to you to say that people in the hotels next to the beach could see everything you did, and could've easily video-taped you. Worse is if you can't understand French, and they're communicating to you with very loud French and hand-gestures. hehe.......

Time for me to go to bed, 

so NaNight, 

eli x

Also, I must add, I typed this with a half-peeled banana in my mouth, because it's hard to type and eat at the same time. I thought it'll be a good snack when I started, but I was wrong ¬¬

ps, feel free to correct some of my info, I've only got them off the top of my head, from documentaries that I've watched too long ago to be able to recall the names, let alone what happened in them.. We welcome comments, tweets, and emails  >.<

pps, Sorry for my frequent absence, am still in Japan, it's hard to take time to open my laptop. 

Virginity.......

As the title suggests, this week's theme is "virginity". For something so simple, why does it have to be so damn hard to write about? This is my fifth attempt...

WHYYYYY????

Virginity is personal. The majority think that virginity is lost with penis-in-virgina-penetration, with the extreme choosing to "save themselves" by only having anal sex. But that makes it confusing for the homosexual members of our communities.

Are lesbians forever virgins, if they choose never to have sex with men? 

I remember a few weeks back the YouTube collab "lesbiancentral" (or was it lgbteens?) defined lesbian sex as "penetration" with anything.. But you could see in the comments that not all viewers agreed.

If virginity doesn't mean much to you, it doesn't really matter what the definition is. You'll remember your first sexual acts anyway. But if you're "saving yourself" or put importance on virginity, you might want to sit down and think what you consider to be crossing the innocence line.

Losing your innocence is a personal matter, what happens to you, and what you feel is unique and personal, you don't have the whole world watching you and experiencing it with you, so don't listen to everyone else's definition of virginity. If you think you've crossed that line, so be it.

Of course, I am perfectly innocent ;)

Lastly, it's no-one else's decision but yours whether to "pop your cherry" (don't worry, I won't start ranting about how not having an intact hymen isn't a proper way to determine whether you've lost your virginity, and that you can break your hymen doing all kinds of normal things like gymnastics, and how some people are born without intact hymens...), so don't let anyone push you into it.

If you're feeling pressured, it's probably best not to go through with it. No, they will not love you more for it, you'll just end up feeling cheap and full of regret :D It also works the other way round, don't push anyone into doing things they aren't ready for. Listen when they say no..

Soooo lastly, for the last time, if you "feel you're ready", you're both willing (/it doesn't compromise either of your beliefs) and over the age of consent, why not?

Nom nom nom nom.. 

Eli x

Ps, feel free to leave comment, or email us if you wish >.<

pps,  ok I lied. That wasn't the last "lastly". I just thought of something else. This is a video I watched yesterday:

It's kinda relevant, the boy (you wouldn't really say "man"..right?) on the left, had his mum walk in on him whilst  things where getting frisky with his boyfriend in the living room.. He wasn't "out" yet..

The great thing about being gay/ having a same-sex partner, is that if you're not "out" yet, you can have sleep-overs and things without your parents really suspecting anything, or thinking too much into it. However, it makes it more awkward when they accidentally walk in..

Learn from the video, make sure you're not being silly and performing naked sexual acts in public (unless it's that kind of occasion), if you don't want anyone walking in on you, make sure you have a lock, or that no-one's home, or something to duck behind if someone does walk in. It sucks to be interrupted.

We'll just hide behind the duck, she won't guess what we've been doing..

And if you're not out to your parents, be especially careful when doing things at home.

Fin!

---------------

references/ sources:
life through my eyes blog
Anarkitty blog
yet-again-learning-to-say-no
lesbian-central
lgbteens
Hull University lgbt youtube channel
that there is good looking
naked men paper picture

Shiny and New

Are you a virgin? There is no correct answer to this question. In fact your best bet is to skirt around the topic with a vague and suitably charming witty comment. Under no circumstances should you bright red, giggle, or answer too quickly. Under no circumstances should you mumble half heartedly “Uh....kind of”. Such statements will lead to in depth questioning of how you can kind of be a virgin. Those of you who have read our James’ post will know that these vague half virginities are very possible in the queer community. Probably even more so for female than male, as it could be said that there is no penetration in lesbian sex without a strap on....Personally I reckon lesbian sex is all about the intent and orgasm...a casual grope does not a good fucking make. But, each to their own.

So having got that serious bit out of the way, I will now proceed to the main....meat....of my post. Which, seems to be rambling about whatever popped into my head after the topic virginity was announced. First a short story some of you may recognise:

I made it through the wilderness, somehow I made it through. I didn’t know how lost I was until I found you. I was beat, incomplete, I’d been had, I was sad and blue. But, you made me feel, you made me feel shiny and new. Like a virgin touched for the very first time.

This video is an accurate portrait of what I look like at the end of a 15 hour shift. 

The next thought that popped into my head is of the second most well known virgin story of all time. Mary of Nazareth. (The first most famous is the Miley Cyrus virginity story....she claims sex is magical and healing. Inspiring words Miley, inspiring). Anyway I thought while we were speaking about virginity I’d speak about its evolution. Our holy mother sits nicely in the downturn of virginity, think of it as a recession in sexual liberty. We began our days as liberal caveman, rutting against each other on cold stone floors. Soon we had priestesses whose entire careers were sex related. Women were free to fuck whoever (or whatever) they wanted, in the name of the fertility gods, who would restore barren lands and wombs alike. Then came the economic downturn as it were...the advent of sexual disease lead to a ban on promiscuity. Suddenly virgin equalled pure, and sex before marriage equalled a death sentence. I like to think we’re getting ourselves into a balance between the caveman and the bible these days.

I apologise for the rambling. I have been getting about four hours sleep a day for the last two weeks, and working nearly 15 hours a night. Remember kids....sex is sex not rocket science. But, you only pop your cherry once- so make it count, and always use protection. The virgin birth story just isn’t cutting it any-more.

Thanks for reading pumpkins,

Mel Princess of Flesh and Blood

"If I was your boyfriend..."

Hello from japan. I heard that this week's theme is "find rory a boyfriend". If I am wrong, forgive me. It's hard to be sure without the internet.
In the car today, this song came on in the radio:


                                   It seemed perfect, considering this week's theme.

Here's a brief factfile:

Name: Justin Drew Bieber
-Birth date: March 1, 1994
-Birth place: Stratford, Ontario, Canada
-Eye Color: Brown
-Hair Color: Brown
-Height: 5’3 ½ and growing!
-Parents: Pattie (mom)
-Siblings: sister, Jazmyn
-Pets: One dog (Sammy)
-Super Power Wish: To fly
-Favorite Candy: Sour Patch Kids
-Hidden talent: “I can solve a Rubik’s cube in less than a minute.”
-Nicest gift he’s ever given: “I took my mom on a vacation to Florida.”
-Favorite time of day: Night
-Favorite TV show: Smallville
-Celebrity crush: Beyoncé
-Favorite brand of shoes: Supra
-Favorite brand of toothpaste: Colgate
-Most special fan gift: A set of dog tags.

Why I think he would be a good boyfriend?
a) he explained in his song
b) from looking at who you fancied in the past, I noticed some carracteristics they had in common: musical, shorter than you, slim, slightly foreign... You must agree, he fits in perfectly with that crowd!
c) He's musical,and he'd be able to wake you up with a love-song.
d) he has money and a good career, which is a plus, you must agree:D

However, there's two downsides to him:
a) he's constantly working!
b) You'd have to fight off the fangirls, including Selena (and think of the death-threats you'd recieve!!)

Vote Bieber for your boyfriend, you know you secretly want him to call  you "Baby".

eli x

ps, sorry.. it was all I could think of... :( the Japanese sun has burned out my brains...
pps, feel free to leave a comment and email. I'm away, and won't be able to message back, but I'm sure one of my loyal subjects will be happy to reply for me :D

Ps- I think this post should be renamed 'Lustin' for Justin'- Mel

Where You go I Will go, Where you Stay I Will Stay

I'm a good little C of E girl. I bell ring and I sing in the church choir. Every year I get paid to help out at several weddings, here is some of what I have learnt.

1. The reading will always be ‘Love is patient, love is kind....’
2. The priest only prepares one sermon, which they will use for every single wedding in their entire career.
3. Brides wearing heels need to watch the floor; old churches have heating grates that like to eat people.
4. One of the hymns will always be Jerusalem.
5. They will always be between a man and a woman.

Points 1-4 I'm resigned to. Although, there’s a lovely passage in Ruth about what Love is, if anyone straight fancies breaking up the routine for me.  It’s point 5 I have an issue with.

My church has several gay members of the congregation and gay clergy men. One of these charming men came with me to a massive C of E conference to meet our local bishop. At this conference we were mixed up with strangers and split into groups. My group was lovely; we built a church out of pipe-cleaners and started brainstorming about how to bring the church forward. Unluckily for my gay clergy man, he sat next to a pillock who went on the entire time about how it was the churches responsibility to ban homosexuality. Had it been me, I would have dragged the homophobe up to the bishop by his ear, and demanded that the bishop pray for his immortal soul, or read aloud pretty much any of the new testament.

My priest (a woman if anyone is curious) once said to me that she would rather be punished when she died for supporting LGBTQ love, than be punished for condemning it. This seemed to her like good enough reason not to be a bigot. In contrast, one of the gay members of the congregation received a death threat from another member of the congregation, because he had been seen in public with his partner. If anybody is wondering what happened, the threatening letter was handed over to the police by my previous priest and the member of the congregation dealt with accordingly.

As an obviously, less than straight member of the congregation, I find these entire goings on quite concerning. What I’m trying to get across with these anecdotes, is that clearly the church is conflicted. The truly dedicated Christians, in my experience are the ones who will leave the judging to God. They are the ones who give the homeless- even though they may be alcoholic drug addicted whores- money on the street. They are the ones who can ignore passages of the bible that tell us to stone the unfaithful wives, those who’ve had sex before marriage and homosexuals. This has been my experience, but perhaps it is not true for everyone.

When we studied terrorism in philosophy, an interesting point was raised. Terrorists believe what they are doing is right, some believe they are doing the work of their God or Gods. But what if these extremists are misinterpreting their religion, how can we ever know if what they are doing is right? The bible, or any other religious text, doesn’t change depending on who reads it or when we read it. It’s a text or text that should be timeless. To claim it means one thing is to lessen that. To claim objectively that it means we should kill certain groups of people, or condemn them, is to restrict the religious text's applications to just that.

Leviticus, the chapter of the bible which speaks most famously about homosexuality, is also the chapter of the bible which condemns tattoos, shellfish and pork. Many homophobes forget that. I have always believed that the bible has these things in more as health warnings than anything else. I appreciate that Judaism upholds some of these laws very literally, but as a Church of England member, I have come to understand that eating shellfish in the times of the bible would have resulted in food poisoning. Gay sex, even now, has more health risks associated with it than straight sex. Some of this is a social stigma, but part of it is practicality. Back in the good old days, anal tearing would’ve killed you. Though, granted, the fear mongering and death penalty does seem a very extreme warning.

So you can see that religion has many different interpretations. My view is that good Christianity means not judging unless you are actually Jesus. So you can probably put 2 and 2 together and realise that as a bisexual I must support gay marriage. I’m lucky enough to live in England, which means that if I want I can get married in a registry office, and all the legalities of a normal marriage will apply. But to me, lack of a church wedding is the same as saying that our relationship isn’t worthy to be blessed in God’s house. A wedding is standing in church with the people you love and making a vow with God’s blessing. Why should that be any different if who you love isn’t a member of the opposite sex?

Wow, this has been a long post; I guess it’s something I feel strongly about. I used to picture myself married to a guy in my head. Though now I think that was more social conditioning than anything else. I once had a dream that Eli and I were getting married, and we had to find a church that had an isle wide enough for both our wedding dresses.  I’m worried that one day soon I’ll want to marry someone I love and be told ‘No, you can go to a registry office, God doesn’t want you here’.  

My God is a God of Love. Why should LGBTQ love be excluded from that?

Have fun,

Mel

xxx

Mel's Five Minutes of Fame

So five minutes to speak about whatever I want. People have underestimated my typing speed. Underestimated massively.

I thought I might take this opportunity to speak about my holiday. Think of this as a postcard to all our readers- wish you were here, and all that jazz. Some of us homo journalists (four out of six) have taken our better halves (Eli and I haven't quite decided which is the better half yet) to Cannes. This has led to some very sickly sweet coupley moments. Oh sorry did I say sweet? I meant nerdy....A wild Miu has appeared...Todostrieb uses charm....Mel is confused etc etc...Other activities include getting sunburnt, eating tuna and painting the fingernails of Miu's latest conquest. 


It also led to the debate: are we lesbians or are we mermaids? I think we're mermaids, Eli thinks we're lesbians. Although granted, I may fail as a mermaid on account of lack of tail, and I may fail as a lesbian on account of the fact I have been known from time to time to like penis. 

Worryingly there is actually some resemblance to  me and Eli...

Now, by the "mermaid - lesbian debate" what I am really referring to, in a very smart (read "completely unrelated") way, is the attitude to LGBTQ worldwide. Eli and I have had no problems here (the south of France) so far....though probably because people think we're mermaids not lesbians...But, it makes me wonder how things would have been different if I had been born elsewhere. If I had been catholic instead of C of E, what then? If I had been male instead of female, black instead of white, would I still be myself? Would I have been allowed to be myself?


So there we go, five minutes of rambling, about philosophy and pokemon nerdiness with some vague references to what this blog is actually about!


Lots of Love
Mel, not quite lesbian, not quite mermaid but amazing anyway.


PS// Is'nt it worrying how this looks pretty much the same as a post that takes an hour to write? I must spend a lot more time actually thinking normally. 

"A night to remember" they said

Prom has now come and gone, I am the first to write after the magical event (because Rory decided to write the post early - he's the only organised one). I am obviously NOT part of the LGBT community, so I thought I'd just recount the events of a normal prom… except NORMAL is not the right word. Apart from the world turning against me on this fabulous night, one must also consider the influence of the several LGBTs with whom I surround myself . I was sitting on my bed thinking, where do I start? The careful work of picking a dress? The unexpected zombie-making pre-party? The panic whilst getting ready? The failed journey to get there? The awkward dancing? The party-crasher? The total failure of the after-party which never happened? Or the three letter word the Dj said was the only thing that came after prom?

There is so much information going around in my head and so little time. Although some homo-journalists have already left for France, I still have business to attend to before I can join them, which means my time is presently occupied in packing (trying to fit my whole wardrobe in 20kg requires hard work) and partying while at the same time hoping I will be conscious enough to get to the airport in time for my flight tomorrow.

I therefore must say that my amazing short story about a group of crazy teenagers going to prom will have to wait for another day, as I simply do not have the time.

Nevertheless, I will just write a few lines giving a brief overview of my opinion on Prom. Ever since I was a kid, I kept watching movies in which Prom was THE event to attend. Everyone got really excited, chose the perfect dress and pray they'd be asked to the prom by some cute guy. I don't know how it is in America but... totally overrated! Who cares about the perfect dress and the perfect guy and the limo (ok I care about the limousine!) and all that pressure. The only thing that matters is having fun with your friends hoping you WILL see them again. I never had a "year 11 prom" because, I was not in England and wherever I was (I shall not betray myself by revealing my identity) there is no such thing as prom. So this was my first prom! Was I excited? At first yes, then not really, especially after the pre-party which left me totally knackered. You'd think my boyfriend would be my date to prom, but no sir. He was not coming to prom. So did I go alone? Was going to, we are all friends after all, who needs a date? But then I decided to ask one of my lovely girl-friends and although she was dubious at first she finally accepted! So I may not be part of the LGBT community, but I went to prom with a girl! *shock horror* Not that it made any difference at all, but at least I could use it as an excuse to make her dance with me, although when my boyfriend crashed prom he stole me from her - oops.

In conclusion, the Prom itself was quite fun. Everyone was wearing either beautiful or just plain funny dresses, I ate fruit with knife and fork, got a free drink for eating a whole "butter flower" (basically a spoon of butter), laughed, got covered in chocolate from the fountain and danced until my feet died.

The most important thing about Prom? Have fun with friends!

Love,

Miu xx


P.S. Don't forget to e-mail us at homojournal@gmail.com for any questions, comments, request or if you are bored and have nothing better to do. We are available 24/7 (that is 24 minutes every 7 hours) so try your luck!

Our school is holding a leaver's prom

I was never a princess-y type girl, never the type to look at brides and dream of when it'll be my turn to wear the big puffy cloud-thing. I was raised to hate pink and girly things: "you don't like pink.. you hate pink" my mother always used to say, so I've always avoided pink clothes and overly girly things. Besides, barbies were boring, toy cars and fake tools are always better.

Ok, maybe not always...

So from that angle, the prom doesn't excite me. I don't care for the promy dress. If anything, I want to wear a tux, but my grandma has forbid it: "Oh NO, you don't want people thinking you're a dyke". She doesn't know that ship has already sailed..

Can't I just stay home instead?

She was very disappointed when she discovered I didn't have "a boy to escort me to the prom". She told me that she wasn't going to tell Brenda, her neighbour, because then I would have lost to Sharon, Brenda's Grandchild. That's the second reason I don't like prom, it's beginning to make me feel like a show-dog, and not a prize-winning one. We are all being judged, if not by our own grandmother and their nosy neighbours,  by the people in our class and our teachers.

There aren't many guys with long hair these days, can't we go with girls instead?

The prom is one of those big ceremonies, that we've seen on the telly, always the same: a guy asks a girl to the dance, she agrees, he turns up at her doorstep with some flower-thing, and drives her to the prom, at which point slow music comes on, everyone starts to slow-dance and they kiss, have their moment, and sneak off to the football pitch and....

sometimes you wake up on your own the next morning..

But then when you're in a gay or lesbian relationship, it's going to be a tad different. There are four approaches:

• One of you decides to be the "girl" and the other the "guy"
• You both act your own gender, and make it up as you go along..
• Or the same as above, but both acting the opposite gender (think: the lesbians going to the prom in suits stereotype)
• Hide the fact that you're gay, and find someone of the opposite gender to go with

There's also another, separate approach:

Your school has banned you from going.. and it's been in the news quite a bit in america, where a girl was banned from her prom, for trying to bring her girlfriend. She complained, and so they cancelled the prom for everyone. 

But they're SO fucking cute!!

It is just a bit worrying... but oh well... they haven't banned us yet.. So we should be ok, Mel and I ://

love eli xxx

ps, where the fudge is todostrieb??? She seems to be MIA D:

also, comment or email if you wish >.<

Cinderella You Shall Go to the Prom

Ah, Year 13 prom. I can almost smell the clouds of hairspray, fake tan and perfume now.  After being disappointingly single at my last prom, this year I'm going all out. Think Big Fat Gypsy Weddings prom dress and gold KG lilah flat gladiator sandals. Luckily for me I’m blessed with Eli as my date. Unluckily for my Nan, it appears as if I am unable to snag a guy for longer than a week, due to some horrific personality flaw or physical deformity.

This is me. You may recognise me from such films as Toy Story 1, 2 and 3.

In my head Eli is a Japanese version of Mulan. I am Belle. Although, granted I only decided on Belle because she is the nerdiest princess. I tried to find a picture to illustrate our princessness but am now scarred for life, tip don’t Google the word lesbian in front of your childhood heroes. In reality I will look more like a potato standing next to Megan Fox....I guess what I’m trying in my roundabout way to say here is that my Prom preparations are much the same as last time round, when I didn't have a date female or otherwise. The only difference is I have shorter hair so the up-do is no longer a necessity and that when my extended family ask if I have a date I stretch the truth a little. I find “No I don’t have a boy friend at the moment” is a nice skirting of the having a girlfriend part of my life.

Doing it the Essex way. Luckily my bitch haircut saves me from the chaviness.

Now, as for my close family, I cheerily admitted going to prom with Eli. My mum said this was the only way I’d be able to look a normal size, when all the other girls will be wearing heels and all the guys I know are now taller than me. My dad told me to make sure I took lots of pictures. A few of us are staying at Eli’s house, so we’re all getting ready together. Not many girls can say their partners advised on make-up, laced them into their corsets and helped test perfumes.

I have no fear of actual prom night, most of my teachers know I have a girlfriend. If they don’t well, they’ll soon find out and hopefully it will be a secondary paedophilia deterrent. All my school friends already know, and I’m supporting the foundation of a Eli and Mel fanclub, so no worries on that front. Perhaps there is a small part of me conditioned to believe that at least one of us should be wearing a tux. On the other hand, after having a dream in which Eli and I got married, both wearing white poofy dresses and walking down the aisle together, I can feel some of my social conditioning slipping away.

A quick word for our less fortunate LGBT brethren. When exploring ideas for this post I came across this title on the guardian website “School cancels prom over fear of lesbians”. Dear lord, fear? What do they think we’re going to do to them? Essentially a girl wanted to bring her girlfriend as a date to prom, so it got cancelled. This doesn't seem any different to when black people were barred from clubs or Jewish people were barred from restaurants. If you agree with that, politely put, you are a lemon and I'm glad that your prom got cancelled because you didn't deserve it. Any lesbians are welcome to come with me and Eli. We will stage a lesbian prom take over, eat everyone’s toes and use their eyebrows for our witchcraft. Luckily this story did spawn some rather funny motivational posters, I have included for your enjoyment.

Much love, white wine, balloons and dancing,

Your Mel x

Dessert + Sex = Heaven

First of all I would like to apologise for not posting yesterday (because it is 1:30am). As Eli nicely explained, we experienced some technical difficulties (by that we mean I was abducted by an evil monster which I have now killed, but the government said this was classified information so ssshhh it's a secret). I also wanted to point out that Saturday the 23rd was the 100th anniversary of Alan Turing (Google was very entertaining on this day). You may be wondering why this matters, so let me enlighten you. Alan Turing was, not only one of the greatest intellects of the 20th century, but also a practicing homosexual. This was illegal in the UK at the time, and lead our dear Alan to commit suicide, following his conviction for "gross indecency". This is also a reason why Turing's work was not fully recognised or published until after homosexuality was decriminalised. I find it a very sad story, and one cannot help but wonder what else he could have achieved if he had lived his life naturally (and by that I mean if he had not killed himself not if he were straight). Nevertheless, this is also a reminder that, although there are still struggles and issues surrounding homosexuality, there has been a lot of progress since Turing's time. Now before I get into some sobby speech about hope and equality, let's get on with the theme.

Unfortunately I was not able to go to Ann Summers with my fellow homojournalist, because that day I was called to stop a meteor which very nearly destroyed our lovely planet (once again, it's a secret). Therefore I had to use something I had already purchased from the same Ann Summers: Body Paint, not exactly a sweet but close enough (I like being a rebel).

Report Summary

Number of items: 2
Item(s) reviewed: Body Paint
Flavour: - Nookies & Cream
                - Chocolate
Purchased from: Ann Summers
Price: £5 I think?
Use:  Perfect for getting creative and adventurous in the bedroom. Scribble your masterpiece all over your partner's body and then slowly lick it off. It's romantic, fun and delicious (according to Ann Summers).
Evaluation: See below for further details .
Rating: Nookies & Cream --> 7/10 or 8/10 … I'm an indecisive person
              Chocolate --> 3/10
Further information: Two words, Whipped Cream. Easy and affordable (can be found in any supermarket) and no one will judge you for buying it. It gets a full 10/10. Yummy and Fun.

I will not go through the bother of giving different ratings for different "things" about the product as my colleagues did, mostly 'cause I'm lazy and disorganised (and very bad at rating stuff so be warned), so let me just give you an overview of my findings and my very personal opinion (no, I will not be reporting the "experiment", just my conclusions).

Nookies and Cream

Although I am still not sure about WHAT flavour "Nookies" is (if it is not a pun then I do not wish to know), the picture shows Oreos and I love Oreos. Does it taste like Oreos? Now here is where my (in)capacity to judge food shows… I don’t really know. I'm not good enough to identify the specific "Oreo" flavour but it definitely has some chocolate and cream in it (unfortunately I do not have the product with me so I cannot taste it again or check the ingredients list). Nevertheless I believe it has a very pleasant taste. The texture makes it lose a few marks, simply for the fact that it is relatively sticky, messy and difficult to get completely off. Having said so, it offers a good excuse to either lick it off slowly and thoroughly (sexy) or take a nice shower with your partner (very sexy). It is fun to play with and simply makes everything taste better. It must however be handled with care, and keep in mind its purpose!  Things could easily get out of hand and totally UNsexy.

Chocolate

I love chocolate, I really do, and that is why this was a total disappointment. The flavour! Where to start? Definitely not chocolate! It tastes very artificial, chemical, like plastic. A real let down that has nothing to do with my lovely chocolate. But I must say, maybe the flavour isn't even the worse part. It is a lot more liquidy than it's cousin (Nookies and Cream) and a billion times more sticky! This means it will get everywhere and never come off! It is unpleasant to taste AND to have on your skin; I might even say that it isn't even worth the shower… but I won't 'cause that would be blasphemy and showers are always nice. It is vaguely entertaining if that's all you got, but I definitely do NOT recommend it.

Whipped Cream

Not from Ann Summers and not being reviewed, but I felt the need to dedicate a few lines to it. It is very widely used for various things; he is a simple guy, but with great potential. Tastes good and let's face it, everyone has fun squirting it (appropriate for the situation don't you think?). Just saying, it is less messy then the body paints and way more fun, though you can mix it up with one of the flavours.

Sorry if I kept it short, but I didn't want to get carried away and reveal secrets that should be kept in the bedroom ;)

Love,

Miu xx

P.S. Don't forget to e-mail us at homojournal@gmail.com for any questions, comments, request or if you are bored and have nothing better to do. We are available 24/7 (that is 24 minutes every 7 hours) so try your luck!

Candy Says

Ahhh popping candy... Who can resist the innocent temptation? This week we’re reviewing Ann Summers sweets and the Sizzling body candy was entrusted lovingly into my tender care. Unfortunately all images of fizzing sugary bits and childhood chocolates have now been ruined, but corruption is fun, yes? We homojournalists are all about pushing boundaries (by which we mean pulling at handcuffs) and destroying the pure (by which we mean dragging Rory into Ann Summers to watch the cute awkward look on his face).

Omnomnom sorry for rubbish quality, will use a real camera instead of webcam tomorrow.

My first thought when testing this out, as always with popping candy, was something along the lines of ‘Oh God, there’s been a horrible mistake, I've put loads of fire ants into my mouth’. Which, let’s be honest might distract from your less than innocent intentions. The sugary flavour (it’s supposed to be strawberry but really it just tastes like sugar) soon alleviates that annoying part of my brain so my overall feeling was not one of horror....more amusement. Can sweets amuse you? Yes....especially if this popping candy is used in the bedroom like it’s supposed to be.

After this mild panic, I realised I had not followed the instructions properly...perhaps this was the cause of the fire ant fiasco. Luckily Eli was to hand. Or rather, Eli’s hand was to hand. Before she realised what was happening (poor love) I licked her hand and tipped popping candy all over it. Following the instructions like a good little girl I quickly licked it off. It was fun....but rather....well sticky. As we all know, sex is messy and good sex is messier....but pinkish sugary patches on your skin can’t really be that comfortable can they? I think I read somewhere that sugar is an abrasive too, so no putting this candy near your doodahs and wotsits....

Look at all those microscopic sharp bits. Ouch. 

So...to conclude my review, Sizzling body candy not for me. I got over the weird ‘my tongue is melting’ sensations and the stickiness. However, I was left with this undeniable feeling that there was something impractical about this game/sweet. Then it hit me....returning to tinkerbell from my last post. There’s no way to get this candy on your partners body without looking like a grade A pillock or tinkerbell copycat. You have a few options:

1. Spend 10 minutes attacking the impossible to open sachets with your teeth
2. Sprinkle like you’re Peter Pan and only Wendy can get you to Neverland
3. Look creepily prepared with a pre opened pack
4. Take them by surprise...let the chips fall where they may and hope you don’t blind someone

You see my problem. But, hey, whatever floats your boat.I give this product a tentative 4 boobs out of a possible 10. 

Lots of love Mel

xxx

PS//

You may find some of the instructions entertaining...I won't repeat them here for the sake of the innocents amongst us (granted they may be few and far between). But, as a taster, here are the titles of the 6 games you are supposed to play with the sizzling body candy. Use your over reactive imaginations.

• X and O's
• Spell it out
• Treasure trail
• Tongue teasers
• Naughty Talk
• Guess where

I would like to propose another game called 'how many Ann Summers bags can Mel keep in her room before her mum says something'. 

Goodbye for real this time, with all the love my cold dead heart has to offer.

What's mine is mine, so hands off bitch!

My idea of swinging

I am the Queen of the world!

Others' idea of swinging

I want to have sex with your partner for a night, do you want mine?

My idea of sharing

omnomnom just like Lady and the Tramp

Others' idea of sharing

Of course your other girlfriend can come

My idea of open relationship

The world deserves to know how nauseating we are

Others' idea of open relationship

Whose turn is it tonight?

Obviously people have different opinions, but my ideas look way more fun, cute and happy, why change them?

Reasons for swinging according to Wikipedia

1- Increased quality, quantity and frequency of sex.

One does not have to be a nymphomaniac to appreciate sex; some are never satisfied and just want more.  This is largely determined by testosterone levels, though it might also be induced by some sort of trauma (daddy issues?). Either way, I can understand that one may want a lot of sex, but is this a good justification? Why would anyone want to have sex with someone who isn't me? Let's not be ridiculous. Want more sex? Take a week off, no need to get other couples involved.

2- To add variety into an otherwise conventional sex life.

Though I understand this reason, I don't believe swinging is necessarily the solution. There are plenty of ways to add variety; want to spice things up in bed? Have a look at our fetish week. Experiment, talk to each other, what you like, what you don't like, find ways that will satisfy both. Hey, you can even invite a third party if you really want.

3- Curiosity.

Now this, I'm ok with. It’s normal to be curious, and it is often good to experiment. If both parties agree, one can always try. Communication is, however, very important. The couple should talk about how this experience made them feel, and if there is even a slight discomfort, stop before it's too late.

4- A healthy outlet and means to strengthen the relationship.

If by "strengthen the relationship" one means: "that was horrible, I was thinking of you the whole time, I never want to have sex with someone else!" Then yes, I agree. However, if the response is more like "well that was fun, I enjoyed having sex with someone else, we should do it more often" then I fail to understand how it strengthens the relationship.

In my opinion, swinging is like "justified cheating". However, it is also true that a relationship is more than just sex, it is about the feelings behind it. I said swinging is like justified cheating, but that does not imply it is wrong unless I prove cheating is wrong. Cheating has become a synonym of betrayal. You no longer satisfy your partner enough, so he/she felt the need to compensate with someone else. One can't help but feel hurt by this. It brings discomfort and anger in a relationship and this is generally considered wrong. Some believe swinging is the solution to this, but how does the fact that both members agree to cheat on each other (cause cheating is having sex, or any sexual activity, with someone that is not your partner) make it any better? If I find out my boyfriend slept with someone else and I decided to then sleep with someone else too, is that any different?

My argument may be flawed, I'm not going to spend too much time on making a perfectly logical argument, but all I know is I would never want to have sex with someone other than my boyfriend (and I am not just saying it because I know he will read this). Nevertheless, lust and love are separate, and if he  had sex with someone else, was honest and open about it and still decided to come back to me (because I am obviously better) then I would welcome him back (though I am not saying I would be enthusiastic about it and this is not a form of encouragement *stares at boyfriend*). Maybe this shows I am a masochist, maybe I'm just stupid.

Someone once told me that cheating is often a symptom, rather than a cause, of problems in a relationship. Instead of looking for "outlets", one should look closer to figure out what is going on within. There is no point in being with someone if you find yourself looking forward to "swinging night" to sleep with someone else.

As always, I would be more than happy to hear your opinions on the matter, whether they are the same or - even better - different from my own.

Love,

Miu xx

P.S. Don't forget to e-mail us at homojournal@gmail.com for any questions, comments, request or if you are bored and have nothing better to do. We are available 24/7 (that is 24 minutes every 7 hours) so try your luck!