I think I'll need all the help I can get.

What a year 2012 was. Sherlock returned to our TV screens and promptly departed again. The Doctor was tragically separated from the Ponds, and united with Soufflé Girl. I went to New York City and met Troy, saw Wicked, went up the Empire State Building and got up close and personal with Lady Liberty (sort of). I passed the IB better than I expected to, got into University, moved to a different country, got drunk more times than I care to remember, and still don't have a boyfriend. The Queen celebrated her Diamond Jubilee and looked on at all the countries she used to own at the Olympics. Wills and Kate are even expecting a child. Gay men married your girlfriends; gay women married your boyfriends. I got a job; Mitt Romney didn't. Homo-Journal was founded, and then we moved into Hogwarts. I even managed to get a four year old kid to shout "D.I.O" at my friend at the fireworks yesterday. So yeah, it's been a good year.

I think that calls for a party.

As with every New Year, people around the world sit down and decide to take their lives and give it a good shake up; they decide to quit smoking, or stop drinking, or lose weight. Some try their hardest to stop eating junk food, others spend their time cutting down the time they spend on social media or online games.

I keep telling everybody that I don't make New Year's Resolutions, but in reality I've spent the last nineteen years of my life making the same or similar ones over and over again: "I will get a boyfriend" replaced "I will come out" some moons ago.

I fear I will end this way too :(

So, in no particular order, here are my constant, unchanging, New Year's Resolutions, so that when I return to Embankment for the New Year's Fireworks in 2014, my friends can point and laugh at me for not having succeeded at any of them (again):

1. I will find a boyfriend.
2. I will lose weight.
3. I will not make any New Year's Resolutions.
4. I will not run up an £80 tab in the pub after two consecutive nights of student deals.
5. I will make considerable progress with Grade 8 Piano and Grade x Bassoon.
6. I will continue to not engage in any form of sport.
7. I will not run up another overdraft.
8. I will convince my mum that her buying me a car and paying for the insurance is the best idea ever.

Yours ambitiously,

Rory.

PS// This is being posted by Mel due to some very funny goings on and Todostrieb disappearing. Something to do with Bond/Q fanfiction probably. Or maybe I just think that's the answer to everything now?

I can spell just as well as I can dig holes for myself.

I would like to point out to darling James that I do know there is no 'r' in the word 'Celibacy'. Your evil schemes to make the world think I cannot spell have been foiled *evil laugh*.

You see, this is how we chose each week's theme: We have what we call a theme ideas 'pool', in which we all dump our randomly absurd ideas for themes and then one day, one of us (usually me) comes along and picks three or four of these randomly absurd ideas at random and copy and pastes them into a poll, and then we take it to a vote (because we're a democracy like that) and whichever theme has the most votes wins.

The cause of the misspelling of the word 'Celibacy' was the fact that it was already misspelt in our pool. (I realise the irony here of me asking if misspelt is actually spelled with '-lt' or with '-led', but I'm beyond caring now. Perhaps James' evil plan isn't as foiled as I'd hoped...) I just wanted this known.

I also would like to point out that I realise I'm posting this a day early; it seems eli has become celibate with regard to posting, regarding catching up on sleep/getting rid of post-Japan-jet-lag as being more important than this blog.

To be fair, I don't really blame her.

When it comes to celibacy, it seems that once again this is a topic which I have very little experience in, and therefore have very little to talk about (hence why it took 3 paragraphs to point out my spelling capabilities). I often imagine that being celibate must surely depend on the quality of sex and the quality of whatever it is you've given up sex for... I think even James would have no problems giving up dull and boring sex for either a high quality energy drink, alcoholic drink or whatever the third one was. Not that I'm saying James has dull and boring sex or low quality energy drinks or alcohol, mind you. I think it's time I stop digging.... :/

Apart from most Lindt produce, I haven't yet come across anything I would willingly give up sex for; there are plenty of other things which I could be doing with my time to satisfy my needs, such as dream up some absurd conspiracy theory as to how Sherlock survived jumping from the top of Barts hospital, or fanboying over series 7 of Doctor Who (Saturday 7.20 pm, BBC1, be there or else).

He who dares point out that I need to have a sex life to give up in the first place will [insert very threatening threat here].

Grand Designs

First some stories. While on holiday in the south of France Eli had an allergic reaction to something. 2 hours later, some excellent experiment design and marker pen use later I still hadn't discovered what it was. I could only conclude that she was allergic to me or nothing at all. And, as I couldn't leave her- it was impossible to conduct a fair scientific test... When I was a child I liked making potions and as anyone in my chemistry class can attest to- I never grew out of this stage....I am currently conducting a test to objectively categorise people’s sense of smell, and possible taste in food as well.

This leads me to my actual homojournalist house design. I highly suspect me being left alone with a few other sciencey people will result in....this.

Bluebell!!!

I propose we dedicate a floor to this....

It's so shiny and white- like heaven

I may be getting carried away here, but this is after all my dream house. I will second the other homojournalists motions for us to each have a sex room of our own design. I would however, like to take this one step further and propose that we each design a couple of floors in the mansion. (don’t be afraid to dream a little bigger darhling).  I can have my lab, partly for mad science, partly for kinky white coat related hanky panky. But, I can also have my dungeon and 4 poster princess bed, without worrying about a clash in taste.

This is also completely necessary.

As are these.....

....And of course these....

As you may have understood from previous posts. I am at heart a nerd. Left to my own devices I would not sleep, but build a nest. I would read hundreds of books a week, and only leave my nest to eat, have sex and possibly use the bathroom (I say possibly use the bathroom because dialysis may be a legit option). Thus, the homojournalists need one of the libraries pictured below. Trinty college library is enough to make me regret not going down the Oxbridge route. But, no fear one day I’ll break in and if I can’t read the books, I’ll make do with banging a professor on the desk.

So, sex, books and science- why aren’t I hosting grand designs I here you ask? It may be due to the vodka water dispenser I would also require, and the vast quantities of apple trees I would demand in our orchard. But, I think that this place will one day be a reality- as soon as I win the lottery and my insanity becomes distinguished eccentricity instead of criminal.

Thank-yee for reading pets,

Lots of love Mel

xxx

And the winner is....

Firstly, I should probably point out that I stole the idea for this week from a YouTube collab channel I subscribe to, called The Global Gays, and I sincerely suggest that everybody goes and watches some of their videos because a) they're well made, b) they come from all over the world, c) they're all vaguely good looking and d) one of them tends to post without clothes on.

Secondly, the move to Germany went well, all boxes are unpacked and some sort of order is now being established in this house, even if I have to get used to driving on the wrong side of the road, and giving way to traffic coming from the right.

And now to the bit which everybody has been waiting for.

This week, my esteemed colleagues decided it was high time to find me a boyfriend, there were a number of suggestions, some of them hopefully weren't serious.... to recap, the choices were:

• An Ezra Miller clone
• Mel
• Sherlock / Benedict Cumberbatch
• Merlin / Colin Morgan
• The Doctor / Matt Smith
• David Tennant
• Justin Bieber
• Neil Patrick Harris

An Ezra Miller clone
James, I agree with you that Mr Miller is rather scrumptious, and I would most certainly not object to calling him my boyfriend, but alas, we are talking about a humble clone here, and I'd rather have the original - but thanks for the offer >.< I'll have the clone as my toyboy though!

Mel
There is one fatal problem to this suggestion, I'm afraid Mel - you possess boobs and a vagina in place of a penis and unfortunately, as you pointed out in your post, that's a problem for me....

Sherlock / Benedict Cumberbatch
I saw this suggestion and thought 'brilliant!' But then I sat down to write this post, and I suddenly thought that Sherlock and I would never quite get on with one another... As Todostrieb pointed out, I do possess a vague interest in astrophysics, and Sherlock is completely ignorant of the formation of the solar system. Sorry, that's a no go. Besides, we'd argue too much. Benedict, on the other hand... is ginger and a little old for me, maybe if you were to freeze him until I'm his age, then things might work.

Merlin / Colin Morgan
This is another suggestion I was thrilled with, imagine the spark it would add to our sex lives when Merlin climaxes and it turns out to be a magical incantation which sets the bed on fire or something... Excellent, that's sorted. And then I realised that my cat is called Merlin too, and suddenly it occurred to me that people who know this fact might assume I'm a beastophile when I proudly declare "Merlin's my boyfriend". Actually, that's probably the reason why I'm considering the actors too, I have no objection to Colin Morgan, as long as he can speak in that sexy Merlin voice rather than his natural Irish accent...

The Doctor
I'm going to assume that Mel was referring to the Elevnth when she out this suggestion forward, since it was Eleven's picture she'd added to the post - besides, the previous ten doctors no longer exist. Now don't get me wrong, I'd kill to be the Doctor's companion, in every sense of the word, but I'd get too attached to the one I'm with, I wouldn't get on with the new one after regeneration. In terms of the actors for the doctor, some of them are dead, and I'm no necrophiliac, others simply don't do it for me. Matt Smith, however, I'd not say no too.

David Tennant
Again, I loved this suggestion, but then I re-watched Journey's End from season 4 of Doctor Who, and realised that he was far too hairy. I do however agree with that set of criteria you listed, Todostrieb, of course, the Not Gay part to David Tennant was a problem....

Justin Bieber
Eli, I seriously hope that you were joking when you suggested this.... person. I won't pass judgement on his (lack of) musical talent,  And I'm not sure when I ever said I was into small men...? (I'm not, for the record.) Besides, he looks about twelve years old...

Neil Patrick Harris
Now there's eye candy if there ever was some... And I must correct you, Miu, Neil is engaged to be married (to a rather smexy specimen of a man). Although, my conscience gets the better of me here, I don't want to deprive their kids of their two lovely daddies and destroy their relationship, I prefer monogamy.

And so I must declare Mel to be the winner. That doesn't mean she's now my boyfriend, I'm not sure Eli would let that happen. She put forward the winning suggestion of Colin Morgan, even if she didn't mean to, and has my permission to endulge herself with Jelly Babies and Vodka.

Two Spice Girls Were Named After Mel

It all started one day when Mel was sat at her laptop thinking clever thoughts. Sadly she was interrupted from these clever thoughts by the homo-journalists, who demanded she take time out of her hectic schedule to attend to Rory’s whims. 

Mel muttered to herself darkly, the homo-journalists did not find this unusual as Mel often talked to herself, it was the only way she could get any intelligent conversation. 

Worryingly, Mel’s first thought was "well if he needs a boyfriend, I’ll do it. I volunteer for the good of humanity to show Rory the ropes." Then she remembered, there was a ‘boy’ stipulated somewhere in the homo-journalists request, and sadly she couldn’t quite fill those cough pants cough. 

So the search began. Except, well that fan fiction was looking pretty tempting right now.....and so five hours later Mel was found past her deadline still laughing about Harry Potter And The Methods Of Rationality. 

Then dundundun Mel had one of those moments of pure genius that very few mortals could ever understand. Fan fiction, the answer to all our problems she thought. It is a well known saying in the gay community. In real life- assume straight. In a fandom- assume gay. Thus Mel proposed we match make Rory with some of the slash fan fiction stars.

Identity Code: RORYBF001	Previous pairings: John Watson MBBS (Johnlock), Moriarty (Morlock), Dr Who (Wholock), Molly Hooper (this pairing has no colloquial name, due to it being inherently crap), The Woman.
Height: 6’0
Hotness factor: Infinite
Fandom: Sherlock
Comments: He can deduce me anytime. Strongly suggest Rory proposes now.

Identity Code: RORYBF002	Previous pairings: Arthur Pendragon (Merthur), Uther Pendragon (Incestuous foursomes may be an added bonus Rory), Gwen (ewww), Morgana (slightly less eww), The dragon (we don’t judge).
Height: 6’1
Hotness factor: Magical
Fandom: Merlin
Comments: We all know that magical powers are essential for anal sex of any kind. Have you not read any Drarry?

Identity Code: RORYBF003	Previous pairings: The Tardis (who cares about physical relationships anyway), Rose (it broke our hearts a little), Rory (see our Rory is already in- he like’s Rories), See comments, the list is too long to complete also SPOLIERS.
Height: 5’11.5
Hotness factor: Hello Sexy
Fandom: The Whoverse
Comments: He’s over 900 years old, think of all the time he’s had to perfect his technique. Also, they don’t call him lord for nothing- well hello SIIIR.

Report conclusion:

Mel proposes MERWHOLOCKRORY.....

Reports secondary conclusion: 

Fire Mel from Homojournal for being certifiably insane.

Goodnight folks, thanks for reading.

Mel

Giant Chocolate Willy

Eli sends her love and apologies for not being able to post today as she's unwell.

For fear of sounding like a grumpy sod, there are few things that will get me really excited; so few in fact, that I decided to make a list:

1. Coffee
2. Chocolate
3. Season 3 of Sherlock
4. Alcohol of any sort
5. Cock.

You can imagine, therefore, just how excited I was when I discovered that Ann Summers sell two of those things in one: a massive chocolate penis. 

It looks bigger here than it actually was...

I was rather looking forward to this particular willy, not just because it was made of chocolate, but because it had cost £8 (plus train fare), I was expecting great things from it. I was a little disappointed then, that shortly after unpacking it from the massive box it came in and before the above picture was taken, I had successfully managed to stick my thumb through the base of the scrotum, causing more chocolate than I had imagined to go flying across my room. I managed to save it all before my dog got at it though... The next thing I noticed was the astounding lack of detail; there were some very small, almost indistinguishable flesh-like creases on the ballsack, which I'd broken, and that was it - the only other thing was the huge line going around the whole thing where the manufacturers had clearly stuck the two halves of the penis together... it was a little off putting to be frank.

This is where I start sounding like a bit of a man-slut, but just to give you an idea of just how massive this thing was, it was a tough job fitting the end in my mouth... and my mouth isn't small... ANYWAY moving on.

My next disappointment came some time after I started eating this penis - the ballsack and half of my penis fell off without warning (the chocolate one, not mine...). While it sounds painful, I confess it made it easier to eat - and since I'd managed to put a hole in the bottom of the ballsack I suddenly had a pretend telescope to spy on my neighbours with.

For anybody considering popping out to their local Ann Summers and buying this, there are a few things I'd advise first:

1. Don't be alarmed by the health warning on the back of the box: "THIS IS AN ADULT PRODUCT." If you are alarmed by it, then you probably shouldn't be buying it.
2. Don't be confused by the "(UP)" which appears on the receipt next to GIANT CHOCOLATE WILLY - I still have no idea what it means, I think they might also have a down one, but I didn't ask.
3. Take your time eating your willy. It's a bit sweet and it's a lot to handle in one go... it took me two days to eat it all.
4. If Chocolate sex is your thing, don't use this as a sex toy, it will break into tiny chocolate fragments at the lightest touch. Unless of course that sort of thing turns you on, in which case seek medical help go for it.
5. If, like me, you're gay and you're male, don't be disappointed by the lack of items aimed specifically for the homosexual market... it is a ladies underwear shop after all...

In short, this was probably the most interesting (and sexual) £8 I've ever spent, and if you love chocolate and penises, it's an £8 well spent, despite some fatal flaws - the line around the edge has traumatised me for life. As a sweet: 7/10. For the chocolate fetishists who engage in chocolate sex: 1/10. Overall: 5/10

All hail Your Royal Gaynesses

Perhaps this week is not the best week to admit that I'm not the greatest fan of the British Royal Family, nor am I the biggest patriot you will encounter. I've just never seen the point in them, apart from the mildly attractive, yet Ginger, Prince Harry, who can arrive on my doorstep any time he pleases. I'm also rather glad I was away in New York (which, by the way, was amazing, thanks for asking -more on that in a moment) during the Jubilee weekend; I got to miss it all. So perhaps it's rather ironic that I was the homojournalist who suggested this week's theme.

I stand by my opinions on the royal family - after 18 years of life, I still have no idea exactly what it is they do, aside from giving us extra bank holidays for weddings and Jubilees. And then I came to America, and I realised how much their royal highnesses are lived abroad. Suddenly, I began picturing myself as a member of the Royal family, and what I would have done if this were my diamond jubilee that the world is celebrating...

I couldn't help it, sorry :p

Now, before I continue any further, I need to introduce Troy to you all. Troy was (still is, I hope) a particularly attractive, rather cute and just generally adorable in every way, waiter at the restaurant next to the hotel I was staying at. My esteemed colleagues will vouch for me that, for pretty much the entire duration of my stay in the Big Apple, I have done nothing else but witter on about how awesome Troy is, and how I want to marry him. That and checking in on Facebook to Central Park and the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State building, and various other New York attractions. I digress.  You'd be forgiven for thinking that I have lost the plot completely, what has an attractive waiter in central Manhattan got to do with my reign? Well, therein lies the answer, for Troy is no longer a waiter in New York City; he and I are happily married and shall be King and King of the universe and all shall answer to us.  (By the way, if by some happy coincidence Troy is reading this, I really hope you a) are gay, b) know who I am and c) accept that we're now happily married and supreme rulers if the universe.)

My lovely husband and I are now celebrating 60 years as supreme emperors/kings of the universe, and all of creation, including the Dalek/Time Lord time war, have a couple of days off to celebrate our glorious reign, much to the displeasure of the economy of life and George Osbourne. Here's what we've done over the past 60 years:

• Ended the 40 year war on homophobia
• Issued all homophobes with an immediate death sentence
• Legalised homosexuality across the cosmos
• Not let David Cameron or George W. Bush Jr. into office
• Forced David Tennant to return to the TARDIS
• Changed the currency of the universe to Jelly Babies and Vodka
• Brought Dumbledore and Snape back to life
• Banned Twilight and Justin Bieber
• Forced Steven Moffat to hurry up with season 3 of Sherlock
• Exterminated Cancer and HIV/AIDS
• Introduced cheap London Heathrow to New York JFK flights so that Troy can go and visit his parents and I can go and empty 5th Avenue as many times as I wish
• Declared Fish Fingers and custard as the national dish of the Earth
• Made all cities as easy to navigate as midtown Manhattan 
• Made all tube maps as easy to understand as the London Underground map
• Declared the Empire State Building as our palace and Central Park as our front garden (the Hogwarts grounds are already our back garden)
• Erected (hehehe) the Statue of Liberty in said front garden
• Declared the 31st of May as a universal bank holiday (the day I first met Troy ♥) 
• Ordered all theatres to offer free tickets to shows on Broadway/equivalent on Friday evenings
• Defied gravity

And here's how Troy and I want our jubilee celebrated:

• Plenty of dancing naked men
• Free alcohol for all
• Lots of food
• Clones of ourselves to take on our official duties while we lie on an empty beach somewhere in the Caribbean making love to each other... And also to Moriarty, if he feels up to it. 

That doesn't look like he's going to say no.

Yours Royally,
Kings Rory and Troy
Emperors of the Universe, Joint First Lords of Everything, creators of the supreme Time Lord race, the only people alive who still know the exact location of Platform 9 3/4

And Honey, You Should See me in a Crown

Hello. Hi. Привет. Sveiki. Hallo. Bonjour. Hola. Ciao.

This is me saying hello in some of the languages of our readers, who seem to come from all over. Who knew Russia had such an interest in homojournal? Anyway, the point of this introduction is to say that today is Tuesday June 5^th 2012. In the UK (land of homojournal) it’s Jubilee day! You’ve probably gathered from James’ post that we have a whole range of festive treats lined up!

Picture this. You’re standing in a crowd of people, at least ten or twenty people deep. Everyone is standing in rows stretching unbroken for seven miles, spanning almost all of London’s most famous sights. The national anthem is floating over the wind. You hear cannons firing and planes flying overhead. Flags are waving and people are jumping, standing on tiptoes trying to see. Then it starts raining.

You’ve never felt more British in your entire life. There are cries of mam, mum and marm. An English sheepdog next to you is barking along. Then you see it. A giant boat, covered in royal red and gold leaf. Our royals, they are most definitely ours. Apparently they carry their own colour coordinated umbrellas, who knew? The Queen is wearing all white, like it’s her wedding day. She smiles her grandmotherly smile and waves her fancy little wave.

This is my experience of the Jubilee Pageant. It was amazing. The British public were out in force, some even bought periscopes and step ladders to catch a better view. The crowd was full of heated, very English style debates. My favourite was about the year of Queen Vic’s death. It’s 1902. It’s 1901. You’re wrong. No, you’re wrong. (It’s 1901 folks). And, what British event would be complete without beer and gigantic black umbrellas?

I hear you calling....well that’s lovely Mel, but you’ve clearly fallen into some patriotic stupor, what does this have to do with the homojournal? Well. I said I’ve never felt more British. Darrhling the Union Jack was the pattern Du Jour, and haven’t you heard that red, white and blue is the new black? But, we weren’t all English. We weren’t all white. There was an amazing mix of all cultures, language, ages and creeds. There was also an amazing mix of sexualities.

Perhaps it’s because I notice these things more nowadays, or perhaps the queer community takes more interest in our Elizabeth or something than everyone else? I saw several gay couples and drag queens that were fitting right in. Next to me there was a lovely gay couple who offered to share their beer. And they didn’t even complain when I kept falling into them trying to stand on my tiptoes.

So, all in all. Despite the poor view (my dad ended up picking me up), the poor weather (sweetheart, bad weather is in our blood) and the crowds, it was an amazing day that restored my faith in the British public.

I’d also like us to take a moment to remember that our Liz the second was once upon a time a sex Icon.

I would....

Thanks for reading,

Mel (aka the Queen of everything)

Bleached Blonde Badassery and High IQs

So, in a twist of fate or one of the homojournalists warped sense of ironic humour, the theme for week five is straight crushes.  Being a bisexual female, I’m going to assume straight crushes are my male ones. Being an international baccalaureate student with a fetish for colour coding (see fetishes, week 3) and a love of data processing I have made a Venn diagram.

Mel's straight crushes

As you can see my straight crushes fall into 3 main categories, the good looking, the intelligent, and the distinguished older males, although many of them overlap. Well I don’t really know what else to say. I have a taste for guys with bleached hair, quick wit and badassery, so sue me.

Having said all this, in real life I tend to fall for guys I am close friends with, and the ones that are mean to me. I can’t say why that is, I suspect many girls fall into the same trap. I reckon it’s because I like to test my ego and self confidence out constantly. Life is just no fun if you get away with everything. I need a little....bite in my relationships.

Sorry for the short post folks, In the middle of exams (doomdoomdoomdoom). But as always we’re happy to hear your comments, thoughts, and suggestions. We’re still accepting guest posts (see our spiffy link is at the top of this page) and I’d like to hear confirmation that my straight crushes are normal, so write in with yours!

Lots of Love,

Mel (the hot one) x

PS. Moriarty, all male homojournalists and Captain Harkness went without saying, so weren't included in the diagram.

I need a Narnian to come out of that closet...

It’s such a typical thing to talk about: your ideal boyfriend. I do it all the time with some of my closest friends, and yet, I still can’t see Mr. Right even when he’s singing and dancing naked in front of me. I confess that I am slightly over-picky when it comes to my ‘type’, and I realise that my pickiness isn’t exactly going to help me get off the market.

Ben Barnes played Prince Caspian in the second and third Narnia films.

I’m one of those people who preaches that it’s got more to do with personality than looks, as you should never judge a book by its cover – in my experience, the best looking people are full of shit (excuse my French). So for me, my ideal boyfriend needs to be similar to me from a point of view of personality or common interest. He needs to appreciate, if possible even like, the same sort of music as me (music is my life and any of my friends will tell you that), in the same way I can appreciate and like most of the 21^st century ‘popular’ music – although, whether or not some of that can be considered music is a whole different kettle of fish. He should be able to laugh at the same sort of things as me, and enjoy the same hobbies as me, and so on.

To the more adventurous out there that sounds really dull, but I’ve been in a relationship before where we were complete opposites, in much the same way that gay is the complete opposite of straight. So maybe I’m not adventurous when it comes to my boyfriend, but at the end of the day, I don’t want to have been in more relationships than I have IB points (although at the rate that it’s going at the moment, that looks like the case…). Anyway, I digress. Once I’ve found the right personality match for me, looks are a bonus, although any single guys out there who think they’re a match, be warned, body hair is a big turn off.

If all else fails, I'd probably get a kick out of Moriarty...

Despite all this, I, like many others, fall victim all too often of doing things the wrong way round. Rather than look for people and judge their compatibility based on their personality and what they might bring to a potential relationship, I find myself picking out all the good-looking guys and building up assumptions on their character based on the shoes they’re wearing, or the sunglasses they’re sporting, or the coffee they’re drinking, or the car they drive. Perhaps it’s a good thing that I’m normally too shy to act on my assumptions, because I’d be bitterly disappointed: they’re all straight anyway.

What is it that I look for in the looks department? Well, let me leave this rather splendid picture here and let your dirty imagination do the rest.

Skandar Keynes, who played Edmund in The Chronicles of Narnia... he'll do nicely.

I forgot to mention that my ideal boyfriend must, at the very least, be bisexual with a preference for men (a Kinsey 4.5), else complications are guaranteed to occur.

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Whips And Chains Excite Me.

Ahh fetishes, my old friends. From abasiophilia to zoosadism and everything in between, it seems that in the world of sex, anything goes. Who are we to judge if a large percentage of serial killers get their jollies from -umm there’s no graceful way to say this- piss and shit? And who’s to say that spending time as a table or chair for your master isn’t a valid use of an afternoon?

I have one general rule when it comes to sex: I’ll try anything once.

Of course there are a few exceptions. Anything that is unhygienic and messy to the point of death I’d be reluctant to try. Animals? No thanks. Shit? No way. And obviously anything involving unplanned noncon or minors is a big no no.

And then of course there are the things that I might be up for but would have no desire to discover I actually enjoyed. I don’t particularly want to know if autoerotic asphyxiation is one of my kinks. Where do I go afterwards? There are some things I am probably better off not knowing about myself, lest I get carried away one day. Let’s just say I have enough fetishes to be going on with, without anything involving near death experiences, murder or cannibalism.

Are fetishes normal? ABSOLUTLEY! Even middle aged housewives have fantasies and certain kinks. One of my aunts imagines Edward Cullen while she and her slightly-balding overweight husband are doing the nasty. I cannot approve of a Twilight fetish, but I have nothing against teeth in general.

Now for your entertainment (drum-roll please) some of the slightly less normal fetishes. I am addicted to everything Sherlock Holmes; the films, the TV series, the novels. I even find the actors....well, down right sexy. Whilst idly wasting my time on Tumblr one fine evening, trying not to revise, I found a blog called  Dirty Sherlock Secrets, which sounded tempting. Now, I try not to judge my fellow fangirls too harshly, after all, a relatively large portion of my time is spent reading porn and watching it; but some of the confessions on this website just made me laugh whilst others made me want to weep for what mess humanity has been reduced to.

I thought this was really sweet until I read the last line. My poor poor innocent eyes.

Although...I must confess that I still follow this blog with the same horrible fascination that provokes me to pick scabs, poke bruises and look at roadkill.

Another fetish I struggle to wrap my head around is large age gaps. I’m all for the older woman...or man. A little silver hair is hot. A few wrinkles look wise. I draw the line at Dumbledore porn.

I read FanFiction (Oh God I’m a nerd help me). I will happily whittle away time reading Harry & Draco pairings, Harry & Hermione, Sirius & Remus....in fact I may as well say that I do not judge when it comes to fictional couples, threesomes, foursomes and moresomes. EXCEPT...I will never ever read a story that pairs Harry and Dumbledore together in a sexual way. Seriously. Who would enjoy reading about what must be statutory rape, an abuse of trust and a skinny, wrinkly, bearded old man?

Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me sir?

I also want to say, that, despite my obsessions (ok...ok...I admit fetishes) for the Dr Who, Harry Potter and Sherlock fandoms, I do not get off on imagining people who don’t actually exist. Alas, I am partially a rationalist, if I ever tried to imagine getting down and dirty with Buffy the vampire slayer, the sheer hilarity of the situation would soon distract me from my goal.

Now, back to the relevance of this post to the homo-journal. As far as I’m concerned, being bi-sexual opens up a whole new world of fetish and kink opportunities to you. I can actually enjoy all parties in a mixed gender threesome, and experiment with any other advantages the male and female physique have to offer me.

A word to the wise though, being caught up against a tree in a park is just plain embarrassing.

Whips, chains and hot candle wax to all my readers.

Love, Mel.

PS. It was night-time.

Seems I'm the only gay in the village....

On a blog called 'homo-journal'. Funny that...

Anyways, hi all, welcome to Friday on HJ! I'm Rory, and I'm 18, gay, and completely obsessed with Music and Film and TV. When I'm not being depressed/stressing/drinking beer/eating chocolate/a combination of those 4, you'll probably find me at the piano, writing music, or obsessing fanboying over shows like Doctor Who and Sherlock, although I personally don't think I'm obsessed. Every Friday I'm going to offer up my views on pretty much anything, LGBT related or not, and I promise I'll try and make it vaguely humourous...

So, this week's theme is Stereotypes. I HATE stereotypes to the point where even hearing the word makes me shudder. A lot of people argue that they can be useful, temporarily, but if after a while they become useless, then what's the point of them in the first place? It's a bit like when you shopping for a new TV or something. You go shopping to buy a TV you can use for ever and ever until the bloody thing becomes too old and decrepid to stand up on its own, er, stand. You don't go and buy a TV temporarily until it no longer suits your needs....... do you?

They cause more harm than good, too, as far as I'm concerned. Seriously, coming out (more on that in a couple of weeks time) would have been so much easier if there weren't any bloody stereotypes. I also think that they're far too generic to fit even one person, let alone a whole bunch of people. And it's not as if they serve any purpose either... Let's be serious, when was the last time stereotypes were used to benefit someone? I cannot think of an example. Which kinda proves my point: they're stupidly pointless. And the reason why they're pointless, is that everybody is so different, that there's no such thing as 'normal'. Reminds me of the saying "everybody's a foreigner somewhere in the world."

Having said all that, though, I must admit that I do have some of the 'gay'-stereotypes.... I absolutely despise pretty much all forms of sport (taking part and watching >.<), and I'm a pretty artsy sort of guy; I get involved in a lot of music and drama, and probably also too much film and tv  for my own good. And I'm a complete sucker for musicals, they're pretty much the best thing since Doctor Who. But, apart from that, I wouldn't say I'm particularly stereotypically gay.

So, that's all for this week from me, tomorrow's the turn of our straight 'mascot', Miu. Don't forget to leave a comment, and follow our blog, or send us an e-mail at homojournal@gmail.com. Most importantly, is that you don't forget to join us again next week when we get to do it all again (god, I sound like a TV presenter....)

See you next week!
Rory