Heartbreak Hotel

Gay marriage doesn’t bother me; it’s just the marriage part I don’t like. It seems like a binding promise to love someone forever, I don’t think it’s fair to make promises you can’t keep. Almost one in two marriages end in divorce nowadays and it probably reflects that it’s now socially acceptable to change partners, instead of being stuck with the man your parents chose for you for life.

I can see that marriage is more like a guarantee, it might be a more stable environment to raise and family, and from that point of view I think that gay marriage should be legal, they have just as much right to raising a family as any other couple.

It also seems weird to me that laws can be passed about religion, it seems like the two should be separate, my vote is we get rid of any legislation about marriage and let the open minded priests do whatever they like. How can a government interfere with God's will? If there is a god that is.

I don’t want to get married, mainly because I don’t want kids, they’re evil little buggers. But it also seems like a lot of effort, let’s say hypothetically I thought I could love someone until the end of time, why do I need to stand up in church in a frilly white dress and tell my nearest and dearest that? If you’ve already lived with and loved someone for a number of years, what does it change?

Let’s say I change my mind, which is a distinct possibility, I’d go to Vegas and get an Elvis look alike to marry me in jeans and a t-shirt. Then spend my honey moon playing reckless games of poker and drinking fancy cocktails.

All homojournalists will be expected to accompany me on this venture

Todostrieb

The Queen's family tree

Constructed painstakingly by Eli :)

ps, feel free to message me if I've made any errors... I did write "prince Albert" as the Queen's husband for a sec... until I remembered it's been a while since Queen Victoria's rein... 

Install Locks on Your Bedroom Door

Speaking from personal experience, it is not ideal to introduce your boyfriend/girlfriend while you are covered in love bites. Although, having said that, my parents have a rather relaxed view on my dating; it’s rare they would intervene. Mel spoke about us as a family of spiders, and what she wrote was true, but really mummy and daddy spider are quite reasonable.  I’ve been told they might step in if they thought a relationship was abusive, or they were a drug dealer/demon, but there’s an element of trust. If I did introduce them to a complete idiot whom I was dating, I like to think they would have the tact not to ridicule him to his face; mocking me later may ensue.

Here’s my list of what not to do when dealing with introductions:

• Do not get caught in bed with them, that is not something your parents need to see even if they are lenient
• At first, maybe a quick hello is better than the huge family reunion; get your boyfriend/girlfriend to pop in and say hi before making a speedy escape, think of it as a pilot introduction
•  Sunday roast is possibly not the best time, those cooking tend to get a little stressed out
• Bribe your siblings with vodka and jelly babies to tell your family nothing but good stories about them, hearing the story of your boyfriend/girlfriend's naked arrest is not the first impression a judgemental parent needs
• For the love of god do not have your parents as friends on Facebook
• Now is not the time to use nicknames unless utter humiliation is your goal here
• If it’s a guy get them to shave, it freaks my nan out if teenagers have beards, I assume other older generations may agree
• Do give parents prior warning, especially if the relationship is lgbt, unless you want your partner by your side when you come out

Apparently a logical combination

I would never judge a partner by how they get on with my family; I understand how annoying my mother can be and how strange my young teenage sister is. Although, perhaps I would look harshly on someone who found my adorable four year old sister annoying, or treated her badly. Luckily everyone seems to love her, poor dumb fools.

Todostrieb,

Please send all nudes to our email address (which I forget)

Spiders, Monkey Brains and Casserole...

The household of Mel is full of Kauai wolf spiders. Not literally, although, I have always wanted a pet tarantula. I mean that, in terms of family relationships we seem to be modelled on this breed of spider instead of Homo sapiens. After mating and conceiving the female tries to eat the male. Luckily my dad has infinite patience and can hold his own. In times of stress or starvation the mother will eat her young. My sisters and I have learnt to avoid my mum while she is dieting. In return when we grow old enough to leave the nest, we too will turn cannibal and eat our parents as a send off.  In other words we don’t get on well.

Say what you like. I think spiders are cute.

Don’t get me wrong, my family of spiders belongs together, who else would buy me a kilo of apples a day? All I’m saying is that we’re not exactly close in the traditional sense. As a result, my mum and I play a game of secrets. The rules of the game are as follows: admit to nothing, give her no information about your life, steal all the teaspoons/keys/plums and see which entertaining events follow.  I never introduce boyfriends or girlfriends willingly. If anyone has read my particular awkward and overdramatic coming out post, you will know that my family drew blood from a stone, discovered the Holy Grail and moved Everest to England before they found out my sexuality.

I have great respect for those families who share every aspect of each other’s lives. I’m sure it’s not all roses and peacocks, so I’m not particularly jealous. But, I must admit, I am curious as to what it would be like to come home and tell my mum or dad everything that had happened that day. I have a friend like that, her relationship with and inability to lie to her mother once resulted in her announcing that she had helped me choose a thong to buy whilst they were eating casserole one evening.

Anyway (I say anyway a lot in posts don’t I?), what I mean to say is that I tend not to introduce my boyfriends or girlfriends at all. After I am inevitably outed by my traitorous bitch of a sister, I’m normally teased for several months at family meals until the next scandal. Granted, any teasing is interrupted by strange debates, arguments or disgusting scientific revelations that only my mum and I enjoy discussing. Did you know that it’s harder for a guy to pee when his bladder is not completely full than it is for a girl? That was an interesting Sunday roast, there were diagrams.  However, all teasing is in good humour. My family works in a sort of Darwinian way, you grow a thick skin around the age of twelve or you spend all your time crying.

The introducing of boyfriends (a girlfriend has never been formally introduced as anything other than a friend) always feels more like offering up human sacrifice. The position of the moon, food and activities has to be chosen perfectly. The boy in question normally squirms and tries to get out of it, having heard my stories of my wolf spider mum. However, in a technique that has taken fifty years of practice, my mum then makes me look like an exaggerating idiot by being really incredibly nice. Do not be fooled. The wolf spiders dig traps, before you realise it, it is too late and both your legs are missing.

I remain, absolutely and 100% sure,
that mummy spider is waiting for my engagement party
to serve my beloved chilled monkey brains Indiana Jones Style.  

In other news, I mentioned in my coming out week post that I was going to come out to my little sister, who I thought may be joining me in the LGBTQ community. Well, I came out to her in my typically awkward fashion. She promptly ignored it and got a boyfriend. My gaydar is, as ever, sadly misguided. 

As always feel free to comment or email at homojournal@gmail.com. We'll be back next week with our Jubilee themed posts...I have a little something about the Queen's knickers planned and hopefully Todostrieb will do us a spiffy patriotic homojournal banner. 

The burden of being straight

I did not choose to be straight. Honestly. I was born this way. I never really had any doubts about it. I tried kissing girls, but it just wouldn't do it for me. For the longest time I avoided facing this reality, and it wasn't until the age of 11 or 12 that I started giving in to to the astonishing truth: I like guys.

When I told my mom she was not happy. Her daughter was suffering her own misfortune. She kept on trying to convince me I should be lesbian by saying stuff like "Girls are so much easier to deal with, guys will only break your heart, guys are all liars and only want sex". She is always complaining about guys and would rather know I'm with a girl rather than with a guy. But I can't help the way I feel!

Ok, so maybe I never had the obligation of "coming out" as straight, 'cause that is just what society expects you to be. Nevertheless, I technically did "claim it" with my mother as she would always make passing references to me having a boyfriend OR a girlfriend "because you know that would be alright too"; to which I would reply "no mother, I like guys, get over it". So even if I wasn't straight, I know I wouldn't have any problem telling my mom because she would be more than thrilled (she would honestly rather I was a lesbian). My father, on the other hand, might have been a different story. I'm not really sure what his feelings are on the matter but to be honest, I truly believe that one should never be forced to pretend to be someone else. I don't think I would've felt the need to tell anyone either; I mean, why should I "come out"? It is not my fault you assumed I was straight. If anyone asked whether I had a boyfriend I might have told them "no, I'm not interested in guys" and I may have made "hot girl" comments around my friends as I do about guys. I wouldn't hide who I am, I would make it blatantly obvious. I guess that is partly because I grew up with a mother who has always fought for human rights and taught me that we are all the same. I would spend my weekends playing with my mom's friends' kids: many of my mom's friends are gay. So I never ever thought of gayness as being wrong.

Obviously, as I am currently a homo-journalist, I have several gay/bisexual friends. One of whom is my best friend. Several had joked about him being gay, but I very much knew he liked girls while he had never expressed any interest in guys. When he finally accepted the truth and told me he was bisexual, I was not surprised, nor did I have any grand reaction. It was as if he had told me "I like chocolate". Of course this meant I asked him loads of questions on how he felt, when he figured it out, what he was going to do about it, etc. He knew that I would always be there to support him or give any advice if he ever needed it. I personally think being bisexual is amazing. It opens up a whole new world of opportunities! Many more fish available, too. Damn I wish I was bi...

As I have already said before, I don't consider myself to be 100% straight, because I don't think anyone really is. But I am sure of my sexuality. I have kissed girls, but it has never really meant anything. I don't feel what I feel when kissing a guy I like; it's just like kissing a friend. Then again, I've never really "liked" a girl. A kiss means nothing in itself, it is the feelings behind it that count. One day a friend of mine asked me "If you were interested in girls, which girl in the school would you want to go out with?" I spent a few minutes really thinking about that question, and at that moment I realised that I simply could not give her an answer. I wouldn't go out with any of them, and not only the girls in the school, but also the other ones I knew or even famous actresses. It is difficult to explain, perhaps it is like asking a vegetarian to pick between a sausage or a hamburger. I could even go as far as to have sex with a girl, but it would merely be an experience. If a girl asked me out and I said yes, it would just feel like hanging out with a friend and nothing else.

I realise this post is a little confusing (and written quite badly), but feelings are not really easy to describe and I just finished my exams, have been really distracted (if you don't know what I'm talking about refer back to "getting busy with my fetish") and am very tired, so my brain is not really working properly. You will have to forgive me. I will try to make it up to you next week!

Never hide who you are. Who really loves you will support you and if they don't then... are they really worth it?

Love,

Miu xx

P.S. Don't forget to e-mail us at homojournal@gmail.com for any questions, comments, request or if you are bored and have nothing better to do. We are available 24/7 (that is 24 minutes every 7 hours) so try your luck!

Guests Post - Coming Out

I always feel a little bit stupid telling the story of how I came out, because most people usually have some sort of crazy way in which their parents found out, and I sometimes feel like my story isn’t really good enough. I first started realising that I had a thing for guys when I developed a crush on a person that shall remain unnamed until the end of time, and it absolutely confused the hell out of me, seeing as I had never thought about guys in that way. He was also straight and used to remark "I'm perfectly comfortable with my sexuality" - he later turned out to be bisexual, which I found incredibly amusing.

Anyway, as my sexual awareness became more and more potent, I also became increasingly aware of how much people seemed to hate gay people at my school. So instead of just straight up telling people ‘I’m bisexual’ and getting my head kicked in by the ignorant chavs who don’t understand anything unless it’s within their own context of reality, I thought I would tell some of my accepting female friends and ask them to keep it a secret. Which they did… for a while anyway.

During that brief time in which all was well, I felt much better knowing my female friends were actually accepting of me, but I still felt down because I had no idea whether my best friend Tom would be at all accepting. I ended up telling him on a swing just outside the youth club that happened on Fridays in our little village, and although he was a little freaked out, he still seemed to be ok with it in the end. He even asked if I fancied him, a concept I actually find rather hilarious now, but back then I was a little offended. Now I had told everyone really important to me and didn’t care for telling anyone else, but about a month after I told Tom, one of my female friends obviously felt the need to.

Pretty much half the school found out within two or three days and I got questions from just about everyone. ‘Why would you want to be with a guy?’ they would ask, as if I was just walking along one day and decided ‘Hey, do you know what’d be a good idea? If I had a sexual attraction towards guys, it's not like I would get any hate from ignorant assholes or anything’. I also got all the threats from the bullies at my school. They already had plenty of reasons to hate me in the first place, so it wasn't that much of a change. They were all empty threats in the end. The kids that wanted to ‘Bash my head in’, they never did. Although those same kids did throw a pencil at me in class on the odd occasion and exclaim rude remarks about my sexuality. It didn't really make a big difference though, because they would probably just be saying something else about my dress sense, or my hair, as if fashion was their primary concern in life.

Telling my family was now the next step. I would always feel the need to tell my mum coming back from martial arts class. The teacher of the class was actually a lesbian and my mum knew this, so it always made me think that she probably didn’t mind gay people, because she would always talk about the teacher in a really good light. It took me about two or three months working up the courage; I would always be thinking about it in the car. I’d often say ‘Mum?’ and she’d say ‘what?’ in her Canadian accent, and I’d reply with ‘Never mind’ and we’d continue on our journey. Anyway, I told her after a while, and she was fine with it, however she felt the need to give me a week long lecture on aids, which I can tell you was really, really fun. She also seemed to think that maybe I’d ‘Grow out of it’. It then took me about half a year to tell my dad when he picked me up in his car to go to his house, his reaction was pretty much ‘Oh, ok, that’s fine’ which was a big relief, and luckily no aids lecture. I then told my brother about four years after I told my dad… yeah, a long time I know.

You see, my brother had never really spoken about gay people and I had some vague ideas about whether or not my father and mother were ok with it, but for all I knew my brother could have absolutely despised other sexualities. I didn’t even directly tell him, I told his girlfriend who later told him. We never spoke about it, but I knew he knew. Whenever I posted a link on facebook about gay marriage or the pope doing his best to do something stupid, he would show his support. I think it must have also taken me a while because he’s actually a really good friend as well as a brother and I really look up to my brother. His disapproval would have pretty much been one of the most depressing thoughts I could have.

Now I’m completely open about it, so open in fact that I’ll even sign off with my name.

– Izzy Spint. Nineteen years of age. Bisexual and proud.

What Did One Lesbian Frog Say To another?

Ah, coming out. I’m very torn here. To some people I was never IN the closet. To others I’m not yet OUT of the closet. It all gets very confusing.

If Harry Potter taught us anything it's that nobody should live in a closet...

I had my first girlfriend aged 10, we exchanged kitkats and jellybeans on Valentine’s Day, and our matrimonial vows in the dinner queue. My mum was supportive but I think the dreaded words ‘it’s just a phase’ were uttered in hushed tones.

Now, I am not afraid of what people think of me. I am quite willing to shout from the rooftops to anyone who would listen about my sexuality, so why do my parents not know I’m bisexual? I simply never felt the need to announce it to them. I am not very close to my family; I keep both boyfriends and girlfriends quiet until I get ratted out by my sisters.

The closest I have come to coming out is awkwardly confessing to my mum that I had a girlfriend after my grandparents spent hours questioning me about my latest conquests. We concluded that my grandparents would spend a lot of time reassuring me that they loved me, and that it was wonderful I had a girlfriend, but would actually spend quite a bit of time worrying about it, so we kept it quiet. I can only assume, since she has heard rumours of my relationships with both males and the fairer sex, that she realises I am bisexual.

As for my father, I am never quite sure about him. I assumed my mum had told him I had a girlfriend, but he seemed completely oblivious when I claimed to be going out this past February 14^th with Eli, so who knows?

My twin sister knows I am bi, my younger sister does not. I have never seen the point in announcing formally my sexuality, particularly as I find sexuality horribly confusing, until recently that is. I sneakily read some of my younger sister’s texts, and they hinted at her not being as straight as I first assumed. I am worried that she is carrying this secret around with her. So in a show of good spirit, I am planning a way to come out slightly more formally, setting a hopefully good example for her. Even if she’s as straight as an arrow it’ll teach her to keep an open mind. She can ask me awkward questions when she gets a bit older, I’ll be her cool, sexually liberated big sis.

Now to the crux of the matter: I’ve said I don’t mind people knowing that I’m Bi, I’ve said that I’ve never suffered for my sexuality (see week 2 gay-bashing) and as far as I’m concerned the people who matter already know. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a tiny tiny part of me that’s still afraid.

I pride myself of identifying my emotions and the reasons behind them. I make it a point not to lie to myself ever, even when it’s painful, because it’s important to know who you are. So, I think, just this once, it’s safe for me to tell you that,  despite all the bravado, the PDA’s and the pride I have in being part of the queer community, I am scared to formally come out. Yes you heard me, the fearless Mel is scared.

Why? Because part of me still believes that being bisexual isn’t quite normal. Like anybody else I want to fit in and the majority are straight. I don’t want to be left out, on the edges of society getting funny looks all the time. But my girlfriend is beautiful; I want to show her to the world. I’ll stand behind her smiling all the while. Let me make it clear that I am not ashamed in anyway.

Then part of me feels selfish. My friends, family and even church would support me if I came out officially. Despite the awkwardness of a formal coming out, as far as I can see there’s always a lot of build up and then the response is actually quite underwhelming, I think it is my duty to do so. I don’t think coming out will pose any challenges that I will not face gladly if the reward is being myself; but, there are the LGBTQ’s that face abuse, harm and alienation when they come out. If I were out of the closet there might be more I could do to help them, even if it was just giving them an example or someone to look up to. My little sister and millions more out there need people like the homojournalists to be out and proud. To yell at the world and make things right, so we can all be in my position.

I am eighteen. I am bisexual. I am Mel. I am afraid of coming out. But I am also proud of who I am. Coming out is the right thing to do, so I’ll do it.

As always feel free to share your stories, thoughts, comments or even guest posts.

I love you all,

Mel