I can spell just as well as I can dig holes for myself.

I would like to point out to darling James that I do know there is no 'r' in the word 'Celibacy'. Your evil schemes to make the world think I cannot spell have been foiled *evil laugh*.

You see, this is how we chose each week's theme: We have what we call a theme ideas 'pool', in which we all dump our randomly absurd ideas for themes and then one day, one of us (usually me) comes along and picks three or four of these randomly absurd ideas at random and copy and pastes them into a poll, and then we take it to a vote (because we're a democracy like that) and whichever theme has the most votes wins.

The cause of the misspelling of the word 'Celibacy' was the fact that it was already misspelt in our pool. (I realise the irony here of me asking if misspelt is actually spelled with '-lt' or with '-led', but I'm beyond caring now. Perhaps James' evil plan isn't as foiled as I'd hoped...) I just wanted this known.

I also would like to point out that I realise I'm posting this a day early; it seems eli has become celibate with regard to posting, regarding catching up on sleep/getting rid of post-Japan-jet-lag as being more important than this blog.

To be fair, I don't really blame her.

When it comes to celibacy, it seems that once again this is a topic which I have very little experience in, and therefore have very little to talk about (hence why it took 3 paragraphs to point out my spelling capabilities). I often imagine that being celibate must surely depend on the quality of sex and the quality of whatever it is you've given up sex for... I think even James would have no problems giving up dull and boring sex for either a high quality energy drink, alcoholic drink or whatever the third one was. Not that I'm saying James has dull and boring sex or low quality energy drinks or alcohol, mind you. I think it's time I stop digging.... :/

Apart from most Lindt produce, I haven't yet come across anything I would willingly give up sex for; there are plenty of other things which I could be doing with my time to satisfy my needs, such as dream up some absurd conspiracy theory as to how Sherlock survived jumping from the top of Barts hospital, or fanboying over series 7 of Doctor Who (Saturday 7.20 pm, BBC1, be there or else).

He who dares point out that I need to have a sex life to give up in the first place will [insert very threatening threat here].

So Long and Thanks for all the Fish.

No, I'm not leaving you, have no fear. I just wish to relay the message we received on our answer machine from Mel, Todostrieb and Eli's alien abductors.

We're speaking to the Martian embassy and are negotiating their safe return. Or not.

Now to the topic at hand: aliens (how ironic). And to make James happy, I'll talk about all those famous gay aliens, like Captain Jack Harkness out of Torchwood, or.... actually, he's the only one I can think of, unless E.T. turned out to be gay too? I'm sure there are more, there must be a gay Dalek or two roaming the cosmos somewhere, and I'm convinced that all Cybermen are gay too, because even they must have some sort of excitement in their otherwise mechanical lives, and it's not as if there are any Cyberwomen around.

Ef-fem-in-ate! You will be Ef-fem-in-at-ed!!

Actually, after a quick Google Image search for 'Cyberwomen', I'm reminded that Ianto-from-Torchwood's ex-girlfriend was turned into a Cyberwoman by him, I can't remember the whys and wherefores, but it was a sight to behold nonetheless:

Hardly surprising that all Cybermen are gay, then....

For those who are genuinely interested in extra-terrestrials of the homo-/bisexual variety, you might consider watching a German film called Traumschiff Surprise, which is a parody of Star Trek and is one of those laugh-your-cock off films in which everybody acts stereotypically gay. I'm not sure if it's been translated into English, so you'd all better get your Phrase Book ready.

And while we're on the topic of Star Trek, I'm told it's good viewing for those who like seeing men in very tight fitting outfits.

And the winner is....

Firstly, I should probably point out that I stole the idea for this week from a YouTube collab channel I subscribe to, called The Global Gays, and I sincerely suggest that everybody goes and watches some of their videos because a) they're well made, b) they come from all over the world, c) they're all vaguely good looking and d) one of them tends to post without clothes on.

Secondly, the move to Germany went well, all boxes are unpacked and some sort of order is now being established in this house, even if I have to get used to driving on the wrong side of the road, and giving way to traffic coming from the right.

And now to the bit which everybody has been waiting for.

This week, my esteemed colleagues decided it was high time to find me a boyfriend, there were a number of suggestions, some of them hopefully weren't serious.... to recap, the choices were:

• An Ezra Miller clone
• Mel
• Sherlock / Benedict Cumberbatch
• Merlin / Colin Morgan
• The Doctor / Matt Smith
• David Tennant
• Justin Bieber
• Neil Patrick Harris

An Ezra Miller clone
James, I agree with you that Mr Miller is rather scrumptious, and I would most certainly not object to calling him my boyfriend, but alas, we are talking about a humble clone here, and I'd rather have the original - but thanks for the offer >.< I'll have the clone as my toyboy though!

Mel
There is one fatal problem to this suggestion, I'm afraid Mel - you possess boobs and a vagina in place of a penis and unfortunately, as you pointed out in your post, that's a problem for me....

Sherlock / Benedict Cumberbatch
I saw this suggestion and thought 'brilliant!' But then I sat down to write this post, and I suddenly thought that Sherlock and I would never quite get on with one another... As Todostrieb pointed out, I do possess a vague interest in astrophysics, and Sherlock is completely ignorant of the formation of the solar system. Sorry, that's a no go. Besides, we'd argue too much. Benedict, on the other hand... is ginger and a little old for me, maybe if you were to freeze him until I'm his age, then things might work.

Merlin / Colin Morgan
This is another suggestion I was thrilled with, imagine the spark it would add to our sex lives when Merlin climaxes and it turns out to be a magical incantation which sets the bed on fire or something... Excellent, that's sorted. And then I realised that my cat is called Merlin too, and suddenly it occurred to me that people who know this fact might assume I'm a beastophile when I proudly declare "Merlin's my boyfriend". Actually, that's probably the reason why I'm considering the actors too, I have no objection to Colin Morgan, as long as he can speak in that sexy Merlin voice rather than his natural Irish accent...

The Doctor
I'm going to assume that Mel was referring to the Elevnth when she out this suggestion forward, since it was Eleven's picture she'd added to the post - besides, the previous ten doctors no longer exist. Now don't get me wrong, I'd kill to be the Doctor's companion, in every sense of the word, but I'd get too attached to the one I'm with, I wouldn't get on with the new one after regeneration. In terms of the actors for the doctor, some of them are dead, and I'm no necrophiliac, others simply don't do it for me. Matt Smith, however, I'd not say no too.

David Tennant
Again, I loved this suggestion, but then I re-watched Journey's End from season 4 of Doctor Who, and realised that he was far too hairy. I do however agree with that set of criteria you listed, Todostrieb, of course, the Not Gay part to David Tennant was a problem....

Justin Bieber
Eli, I seriously hope that you were joking when you suggested this.... person. I won't pass judgement on his (lack of) musical talent,  And I'm not sure when I ever said I was into small men...? (I'm not, for the record.) Besides, he looks about twelve years old...

Neil Patrick Harris
Now there's eye candy if there ever was some... And I must correct you, Miu, Neil is engaged to be married (to a rather smexy specimen of a man). Although, my conscience gets the better of me here, I don't want to deprive their kids of their two lovely daddies and destroy their relationship, I prefer monogamy.

And so I must declare Mel to be the winner. That doesn't mean she's now my boyfriend, I'm not sure Eli would let that happen. She put forward the winning suggestion of Colin Morgan, even if she didn't mean to, and has my permission to endulge herself with Jelly Babies and Vodka.

Rory's Dream Guy

Let me see:

1. Musically talented
2. Doctor Who nerd
3. Tall
4. Likes gummy bears and vodka
5. Brunette (I just automatically pair all blondes with brunettes for some reason, adds variety to their children)
6. Appreciates astrophysics, but hates the rest of the physics field
7. Gay

No one I personally know fits these criteria which I have devised for Rory’s genetically unparalleled mate. The closest of my personal acquaintances only fits four out  of seven :/ however, if I were to go out on a limb here the obvious choice is David Tennant.

Pros:

• Doctor who nerd
• Sexy
• Tallish
• Probably knows a little astrophysics
• Almost everyone likes vodka and gummy bears, so he is likely to
• Brunette with pretty highlights

Cons:

• Not gay
• Not certain of musical prowess, but if all else fails could be lovingly ‘tutored’ by Rory

The not gay problem I suspect is one of the biggest issues that face non-straight people today, some people take offense if they get propositioned by a member of the opposite sex, but, as we all know everyone is actually bisexual (refer all questions to Miu).  Remember, it also works the other way around, you could be totally in love with a girl who regrets to inform you is a lesbian.

Come hither my dear Rory

In short, Rory, begin your stalking now.

Todostrieb

All hail Your Royal Gaynesses

Perhaps this week is not the best week to admit that I'm not the greatest fan of the British Royal Family, nor am I the biggest patriot you will encounter. I've just never seen the point in them, apart from the mildly attractive, yet Ginger, Prince Harry, who can arrive on my doorstep any time he pleases. I'm also rather glad I was away in New York (which, by the way, was amazing, thanks for asking -more on that in a moment) during the Jubilee weekend; I got to miss it all. So perhaps it's rather ironic that I was the homojournalist who suggested this week's theme.

I stand by my opinions on the royal family - after 18 years of life, I still have no idea exactly what it is they do, aside from giving us extra bank holidays for weddings and Jubilees. And then I came to America, and I realised how much their royal highnesses are lived abroad. Suddenly, I began picturing myself as a member of the Royal family, and what I would have done if this were my diamond jubilee that the world is celebrating...

I couldn't help it, sorry :p

Now, before I continue any further, I need to introduce Troy to you all. Troy was (still is, I hope) a particularly attractive, rather cute and just generally adorable in every way, waiter at the restaurant next to the hotel I was staying at. My esteemed colleagues will vouch for me that, for pretty much the entire duration of my stay in the Big Apple, I have done nothing else but witter on about how awesome Troy is, and how I want to marry him. That and checking in on Facebook to Central Park and the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State building, and various other New York attractions. I digress.  You'd be forgiven for thinking that I have lost the plot completely, what has an attractive waiter in central Manhattan got to do with my reign? Well, therein lies the answer, for Troy is no longer a waiter in New York City; he and I are happily married and shall be King and King of the universe and all shall answer to us.  (By the way, if by some happy coincidence Troy is reading this, I really hope you a) are gay, b) know who I am and c) accept that we're now happily married and supreme rulers if the universe.)

My lovely husband and I are now celebrating 60 years as supreme emperors/kings of the universe, and all of creation, including the Dalek/Time Lord time war, have a couple of days off to celebrate our glorious reign, much to the displeasure of the economy of life and George Osbourne. Here's what we've done over the past 60 years:

• Ended the 40 year war on homophobia
• Issued all homophobes with an immediate death sentence
• Legalised homosexuality across the cosmos
• Not let David Cameron or George W. Bush Jr. into office
• Forced David Tennant to return to the TARDIS
• Changed the currency of the universe to Jelly Babies and Vodka
• Brought Dumbledore and Snape back to life
• Banned Twilight and Justin Bieber
• Forced Steven Moffat to hurry up with season 3 of Sherlock
• Exterminated Cancer and HIV/AIDS
• Introduced cheap London Heathrow to New York JFK flights so that Troy can go and visit his parents and I can go and empty 5th Avenue as many times as I wish
• Declared Fish Fingers and custard as the national dish of the Earth
• Made all cities as easy to navigate as midtown Manhattan 
• Made all tube maps as easy to understand as the London Underground map
• Declared the Empire State Building as our palace and Central Park as our front garden (the Hogwarts grounds are already our back garden)
• Erected (hehehe) the Statue of Liberty in said front garden
• Declared the 31st of May as a universal bank holiday (the day I first met Troy ♥) 
• Ordered all theatres to offer free tickets to shows on Broadway/equivalent on Friday evenings
• Defied gravity

And here's how Troy and I want our jubilee celebrated:

• Plenty of dancing naked men
• Free alcohol for all
• Lots of food
• Clones of ourselves to take on our official duties while we lie on an empty beach somewhere in the Caribbean making love to each other... And also to Moriarty, if he feels up to it. 

That doesn't look like he's going to say no.

Yours Royally,
Kings Rory and Troy
Emperors of the Universe, Joint First Lords of Everything, creators of the supreme Time Lord race, the only people alive who still know the exact location of Platform 9 3/4

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Whips And Chains Excite Me.

Ahh fetishes, my old friends. From abasiophilia to zoosadism and everything in between, it seems that in the world of sex, anything goes. Who are we to judge if a large percentage of serial killers get their jollies from -umm there’s no graceful way to say this- piss and shit? And who’s to say that spending time as a table or chair for your master isn’t a valid use of an afternoon?

I have one general rule when it comes to sex: I’ll try anything once.

Of course there are a few exceptions. Anything that is unhygienic and messy to the point of death I’d be reluctant to try. Animals? No thanks. Shit? No way. And obviously anything involving unplanned noncon or minors is a big no no.

And then of course there are the things that I might be up for but would have no desire to discover I actually enjoyed. I don’t particularly want to know if autoerotic asphyxiation is one of my kinks. Where do I go afterwards? There are some things I am probably better off not knowing about myself, lest I get carried away one day. Let’s just say I have enough fetishes to be going on with, without anything involving near death experiences, murder or cannibalism.

Are fetishes normal? ABSOLUTLEY! Even middle aged housewives have fantasies and certain kinks. One of my aunts imagines Edward Cullen while she and her slightly-balding overweight husband are doing the nasty. I cannot approve of a Twilight fetish, but I have nothing against teeth in general.

Now for your entertainment (drum-roll please) some of the slightly less normal fetishes. I am addicted to everything Sherlock Holmes; the films, the TV series, the novels. I even find the actors....well, down right sexy. Whilst idly wasting my time on Tumblr one fine evening, trying not to revise, I found a blog called  Dirty Sherlock Secrets, which sounded tempting. Now, I try not to judge my fellow fangirls too harshly, after all, a relatively large portion of my time is spent reading porn and watching it; but some of the confessions on this website just made me laugh whilst others made me want to weep for what mess humanity has been reduced to.

I thought this was really sweet until I read the last line. My poor poor innocent eyes.

Although...I must confess that I still follow this blog with the same horrible fascination that provokes me to pick scabs, poke bruises and look at roadkill.

Another fetish I struggle to wrap my head around is large age gaps. I’m all for the older woman...or man. A little silver hair is hot. A few wrinkles look wise. I draw the line at Dumbledore porn.

I read FanFiction (Oh God I’m a nerd help me). I will happily whittle away time reading Harry & Draco pairings, Harry & Hermione, Sirius & Remus....in fact I may as well say that I do not judge when it comes to fictional couples, threesomes, foursomes and moresomes. EXCEPT...I will never ever read a story that pairs Harry and Dumbledore together in a sexual way. Seriously. Who would enjoy reading about what must be statutory rape, an abuse of trust and a skinny, wrinkly, bearded old man?

Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me sir?

I also want to say, that, despite my obsessions (ok...ok...I admit fetishes) for the Dr Who, Harry Potter and Sherlock fandoms, I do not get off on imagining people who don’t actually exist. Alas, I am partially a rationalist, if I ever tried to imagine getting down and dirty with Buffy the vampire slayer, the sheer hilarity of the situation would soon distract me from my goal.

Now, back to the relevance of this post to the homo-journal. As far as I’m concerned, being bi-sexual opens up a whole new world of fetish and kink opportunities to you. I can actually enjoy all parties in a mixed gender threesome, and experiment with any other advantages the male and female physique have to offer me.

A word to the wise though, being caught up against a tree in a park is just plain embarrassing.

Whips, chains and hot candle wax to all my readers.

Love, Mel.

PS. It was night-time.

Seems I'm the only gay in the village....

On a blog called 'homo-journal'. Funny that...

Anyways, hi all, welcome to Friday on HJ! I'm Rory, and I'm 18, gay, and completely obsessed with Music and Film and TV. When I'm not being depressed/stressing/drinking beer/eating chocolate/a combination of those 4, you'll probably find me at the piano, writing music, or obsessing fanboying over shows like Doctor Who and Sherlock, although I personally don't think I'm obsessed. Every Friday I'm going to offer up my views on pretty much anything, LGBT related or not, and I promise I'll try and make it vaguely humourous...

So, this week's theme is Stereotypes. I HATE stereotypes to the point where even hearing the word makes me shudder. A lot of people argue that they can be useful, temporarily, but if after a while they become useless, then what's the point of them in the first place? It's a bit like when you shopping for a new TV or something. You go shopping to buy a TV you can use for ever and ever until the bloody thing becomes too old and decrepid to stand up on its own, er, stand. You don't go and buy a TV temporarily until it no longer suits your needs....... do you?

They cause more harm than good, too, as far as I'm concerned. Seriously, coming out (more on that in a couple of weeks time) would have been so much easier if there weren't any bloody stereotypes. I also think that they're far too generic to fit even one person, let alone a whole bunch of people. And it's not as if they serve any purpose either... Let's be serious, when was the last time stereotypes were used to benefit someone? I cannot think of an example. Which kinda proves my point: they're stupidly pointless. And the reason why they're pointless, is that everybody is so different, that there's no such thing as 'normal'. Reminds me of the saying "everybody's a foreigner somewhere in the world."

Having said all that, though, I must admit that I do have some of the 'gay'-stereotypes.... I absolutely despise pretty much all forms of sport (taking part and watching >.<), and I'm a pretty artsy sort of guy; I get involved in a lot of music and drama, and probably also too much film and tv  for my own good. And I'm a complete sucker for musicals, they're pretty much the best thing since Doctor Who. But, apart from that, I wouldn't say I'm particularly stereotypically gay.

So, that's all for this week from me, tomorrow's the turn of our straight 'mascot', Miu. Don't forget to leave a comment, and follow our blog, or send us an e-mail at homojournal@gmail.com. Most importantly, is that you don't forget to join us again next week when we get to do it all again (god, I sound like a TV presenter....)

See you next week!
Rory