Survey results: Describe your ideal girlfriend, boyfriend or date.

This week, we asked 10 sixth formers at our college the question: “Describe your ideal girlfriend, boyfriend or person to date”. Here are the results of our survey:

Person no. 1 (male)

• Hot
• Genuine
• Honest
• Smart
• Not gay
• Rather funny
• Likes ice-cream
• Bit of a sket
• Has peng friends that I can get with, when I’ve had enough
• Most important = 6 o’clock

Person no. 2 (male)
I’m bi first and formost. My ideal boyfriend is someone I can really talk to, but also hunky and sexy. The same for my ideal girlfriend, but for girls, they just need to have a very low number of bitchy friends; what a girl that would be :D

Person no.3 (female)

• Makes me laugh
• Kind and nice
• Funny
• (6 packs)
• Good looking/ handsome

Person no. 4 (male)

• Tenderness
• Watching “Totoro” on the couch together <3
• Exceptionally intelligent
• Doesn’t mind being cared about unconditionally, doesn’t mind showing the same

Person no. 5 (male)
For a boyfriend:

• Shiney blond hair
• Medium sized mouth
• Wide nose (not pointy)
• Not too muscley
• Not too hairy (some allowed)
• Not into female pop-stars

For a girlfriend:

• Moderate tits (small > big)
• Small teeth (not horse-like)
• Bigger eyes
• Not overly shy
• Not too thick

Person no. 6 (male)

• Nice
• Kind
• Peng
• Can take a joke or two
• Strong-willed
• Nice face

Person no. 7 (female)
Looks are not a huge factor, but personality-wise, they need to be individual, sure of themselves, and I think an element of mystery about a person is romantic and intriguing. Overall they need to be a nice person, individual and interesting to get to know. They will always be difficult to describe, as it depends on how well we interact.

Person no. 8 (female)

• Interesting person
• Independent opinions
• Not afraid of an argument but willing to compromise
• Good sense of humour
• Athletic
• Too good looking is not a deal breaker

Person no. 9 (female)

• Funny
• Interesting
• Adventurous
• Understanding
• Laid back
• Good looking (but that is down to taste)
• Not too clingy or possessive

Person no. 10 (female)

• Funny
• Taller than me
• Not too skinny, not too fat, not a body builder
• Someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously, and isn’t insecure
• I have to be attracted to them (personality + looks)
• Caring

Basically, it appears that most people's ideals tend to be a) someone they find attractive and b) somone they can enjoy being with and communicating with.... who would've guessed, huh?

Ideals, urgh.

Ideal date

Ah, this brings me back a few months… Mel made me draw one, in a survey she handed me, but I always panic when asked questions like these, because I always change my mind. I know that whatever I choose, it will evidently not be my ideal. Like the question: what is your favourite food?

I will eventually write either a) what I want to eat at that moment or b) the first thing that pops into my mind.

"You have won: a life time's supply of your favorite food!"
"my favorite food... Tarantula!"
"okies...." *stares* "if thats what you like to eat.. "
"Wait, Nooooooe!!!"

Also, I am a realist, which to some people, means pessimist. Whist others fantasize about their wonderful ideals, I know that reality is never going to be as great, and we will always be left disappointed. Pessimistic, much? No. I like to fantasize about all the things that could possibly go wrong instead, which leaves room for improvement.

Take yesterday, for example. I was scheduled for a very minor nose operation. Basically, they burn the inside and veins of your nose. All week I dreaded it, imagining the pain, but when I finally had the procedure, of course it was fine. Just uncomfortable, and a bit suffocating, due to the numbing stuff that made my throat and gums go numb (is that supposed to happen? :// ), but fine.

Now, if I had fantasized about the wonderful-ness of the procedure, I would have been extremely disappointed, maybe would be too scared to go back for more nose-burning in five weeks time. But me being me, I’m fine; a bit disappointed at the lack of pain, I would've expected it to hurt more, but it was fine, totally fine.

Not Pink horse-drawn carriage ... :'(

So dudes and dudettes, stop idealizing something that’ll never happen, expect the worst case scenario, and when it goes good like it’s supposed to, you won’t be disappointed.

Ideal girlfriend/boyfriend/genderless-friend

This is an easy one: someone that doesn’t runaway when they realise what a weirdo I am. Chasing after them, tackling them to the ground, tieing them up and “silencing” them is too much effort.

I didn't tie her up....

But on a more serious note.. I don’t really do the ideal thing.. I like who I’m with at the moment, you could say that she’s my ideal girlfriend at the moment. I don’t have anything I want to change about her, she’s perfect just the way she is, and changing her would make Mel not Mel, and move her away from the ideal.. does my logic make sense? I hope so..

Ideal boyfriend… a male version of Mel? Mel with a penis? …now that’s a weird thought. I think my taste leans towards girls, or the feminine features..

*gets a phone call*

“What? An asteroid? Heading straight to earth?I.. I better evacuate then!”

*Flys away on magic pink bouncy ball*

Eli x

- I'm tired. The post was getting too awkward, I had to stop, I was starting to soundlike a perverted old man, considering transvestite prostitutes (no offence okie, it’s totally ok for you, just not for me). Sowwwweeee *bows Asian-apology-style* >.<

Perfection is a Broken Sherbet Lemon

So I want to reassure you this isn’t going to turn into a rant about how everyone is perfect and how you are a unique little snowflake just the way you are, because let’s face it, there are seven billion of us, so chances are at least one other person on this rock known as Earth is pretty similar to you. I’d like to make the point that even though everyone may fantasise about their dream partner, in reality it is not only a) impossible, but also b) not as great as it seems.

Think about your entire life so far; have you ever met anyone you would consider perfect, of those you have actually got to know? It’s all very well saying “omg James Masters is the perfect guy”, but if you haven’t spent a week in close proximity with him (as in living together, not stalking), you have no guarantee that he doesn’t use the bathroom with the door open or snore. There are a lot of people who waste their time trying to be their own idea of perfect, this too is futile; your efforts are sure to be so for a large percentage of people you encounter.

The next point that I would like to raise is that if you spent a lot of time around someone you considered perfect, things would become boring, annoying and bad for your self-esteem. I would like to cite this fictional but rather awesome example:

Questionable Content

My favourite webcomic features one woman who was driven crazy be her perfect boyfriend and cheated on him. His response? "I'm disappointed, but I think we can make this work, is there anything I can do to make you happier in this relationship?" Not what she wanted to hear.

A more applicable real life example, that you may be able to relate to, is that one person in your class that seems to have it all sorted. The one I know (let’s call her C) is in my physics class, she works super hard, always does her homework, has a place to study at Oxford and is very musically talented.  In short, I idolise her. I’m sure that there are areas of her life she feels inadequate in that I just don’t know about yet, but that doesn’t help my ego when she tells me she’s done roughly 150% of the revision I have. So, to sum up, she is a lovely person but a) it would be very strange is she were indeed perfect and b) she makes me feel like a failure. Imagine if you lived with this person and were not as awesome; I’m not sure it would end well.

Another completely fictional example is from a book I read a few years ago (of which I cannot remember the characters names, title or author), in which the protagonist has a near death experience and blurts out her secrets, including her plan for a perfect date. I could ramble about this for ages but to synopsisize, a man overhears her and takes her on this perfect date. One element was she wished to drink pink champagne, which of course he ordered for her. However she sees some fancy cocktails going past and laments her loss of the freedom to try them. Perfection is boring.

Have you ever tried arguing with a perfect person, assuming this rare breed does in fact exist, or falling short of that, someone with the moral highground? It’s no fun, and coming from a long line of bitches I need my daily argument. Also if you never argue or get mad at each other, how can you have make-up sex?

So to conclude (the phrase every English teacher hates to see) if you had a perfect partner it would be boring, annoying and bad for your self-esteem. Which is exactly why my current boyfriend is perfect. 

p.s the reason broken sherbet lemons is perfect is because it increases the surface area of the sherbet, so you get maximum fizz, which by the way, is an endothermic reaction.

Note: I'm very sorry the comic in the post didn't work out as well as I'd hoped (as some kind anon pointed out), here's the link to the specific strip http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1028, but I highly recommend reading the entire thing, yes, all 2000 strips. 

Pans Labyrinth

My ideal boyfriend or girlfriend. Hummm a tricky one.

Let’s start with girlfriend, that's easy. I guess she’d be a little shorter than me, half Japanese, with sharp teeth and massive eyes. Oh wait that’s Eli. What a coincidence, we’re already dating, how convenient.

No, in all seriousness. My ideal girlfriend. She has either small or large boobs, or in-between ones. She has pale skin or dark skin or red skin or blue skin or green skin. She is short or tall, fat or thin. You get the idea. My ideal girlfriend doesn’t exist. There are features that turn me on and things I admire personality wise. But If I stuck them all together in one person I’m sure it would be horrible. The same goes for an ideal boyfriend.

And now for the awkward confession. Being bisexual puts me in a dilemma. I would say I’m 50/50 girls and guys, depending on the girls and guys in question. Which leaves me with a strange desire to date a transexual. I have an appreciation for vagina and a flat chest, yes, but there’s just something about the combination of male and female, dick and tits that turns me on. Cross dressing is hot. A balance of masculine and feminine even hotter.

Does that make me weird? Maybe. Who cares? But that's exactly why I have trouble with the bisexual label. I’m pretty sure getting confused by gender and transsexuals makes me a pansexual. It makes me sound a little like the fawn from ‘Pans Labyrinth’ so I try to stay away from it.

Lots of love,

Mel, your favourite pan/bi blogging God