The One Ring

Unlike the other homojournalists I firmly believe I could be celibate, as long as vibrators etc don’t count, and I had no contact with anyone I remotely liked in any way.

I feel like in principal it’s a good idea, avoiding unwanted pregnancies, STDs, awkward encounters and etiquette, having to buy nice underwear (not that I can ever be assed to do this either way, but a lot of people follow the school of thought “If no one’s gunna see them, why bother?), contraception and sometimes it’s impractical, no one’s parents like to come home and find their offspring with their significant other. 

Personally my parents have a rule, don’t ask, don’t tell. Although a memorable quote from my mother about Eli and Mel, “well, they have the door open, so they’re not having sex”…I’m pretty sure they were sleeping.

There’s also the religious issue, I know devout people can be proclaimed bigots in many LGBTQ issues, but to have sex or not to have sex is an issue that your religion may influence, and you can choose what to do with your own body for any reason you like. Personally, if there is a god, I doubt he likes me much, and he has bigger bones to pick with me than lust. Such as wrath, my second favourite deadly sin, I like them all though really.

There seem to be a lot of downsides to sex in that list, and I don’t want to get personal here but there are also good sides. Aside from the more obvious fact that (most of the time) it feels good, it’s a way to feel emotionally closer to your partner, it’s exercise, it relieves stress, it demonstrates a level of trust in a relationship, in reality sex is a huge part of any relationship, so what happens if you marry someone, then on your wedding night they whip out the ball gag and chains?

I've seen much better rings anyways. 

The whole promise ring thing is, I suspect, just a marketing ploy. Designed to ease the conscience of the media and or/ parents of whoever takes the vow. It seems like putting bells on whistles on a personal choice, not everyone who doesn't want sex needs a ring to prove it. It seems almost like bribery, “here my dearest daughter, I have bought you a pretty ring, but if you wear it you can’t have sex” seems like a fair deal, no?

Such as this one, for example. 

Todostrieb 

The cool skull ring is from Bonadrag, an online store which I fantasise about owning. 

I am never going to Freehold, Iowa.

Another Monday, another week where I'm outvoted on what topic we write about. You see, we decide by having a vote each week, and I'm all for topics like "LGBTQS celebrities as role models" and "Homophobia - actual phobia or ignorance?"

Unfortunately, the poll always looks like this by Sunday:

Actual quote - Todostrieb: "OMG flying boobs would be awesome."

Thus we have "UFOs and Aliens" week.

Now, aside from the obvious Rule 34 implications (I wish with all my heart that I hadn't Googled "Rule 34" - I despised My Little Pony enough already, thank you), I had trouble thinking of any connection between the two. So, with Google already open, I decided to do some digging. And oh my, some people have been finding connections for me.

They forgot the "BBQ" y-axis, which shows how much my brain started smouldering as I read that page.

Now I know this is a satire page, and I have nothing against gays, or aliens, or religion per-se, or crazy, but that page is a bewildering maelstrom of all 4 at the very highest levels. You could lock a starving cat in a room that contained a mouse floating in a pool, on a lilo, while blasting the Hawaii Five-0 theme tune at them, and you still wouldn't reach the levels of confusion, anger and revulsion as you see on that page. FBI Profilers could read that page as part of their training, if just to understand how strange delusions can be. We'll have evolved past the point at which we ARE THE INVADING ALIENS TO SOMEONE ELSE before we can fully understand what's going on in these people's heads.

I'm now in the middle of a true sense of humour failure here. "Pastor Ezekiel" has some very interesting badges underneath his name. Some, such as "Christian Love", and "4th Year Bible College" are absolutely brilliant, love and studying are wonderful. Here are some others:

1. "Punched the most queers" - a jolly pair of boxing gloves.
2. "True Christian Caucasian" - some variety of white object, possibly a feather, I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.
3. The rather ominous "Tell Her Once" - a shaking, closed, fist.

I will become this Sim, then go torment these people. Out of spite.

Seriously?! Satire's all very well and good, but you can't make fun of these things. It's not right, these are real issues, and it's not that funny. There are some things that you can't mock, women's rights, gay rights and aliens that might possibly have the technology to destroy us all being very high up on the list.

Aliens, if you're listening, go back. We have too much to fix before you're safe to visit.

Yours flabbergastedly,

James.

For at least 10 minutes, I didn't know it was a satirical page. I very nearly caught fire.

There's only one first time...

After that you are no longer classed as a virgin, you've lost your "V Card".
Right at this very moment, if you asked me why I haven't had sex, I think, my answer would probably be "I haven't found the right person". Truth be told there hasn't even been that person for me yet but something I strongly believe in is: love before sex. 

I'm sure the line sex after marriage rings a bell, but that would just take forever. Who knows when or even if I will ever get to that place of "together forever".

I guess for some people it's just about getting it over and done with, or being in the moment, but for most teenagers it's the overwhelming pressure. It's the what do you say to your friends or random people when they ask you about you sex life? How do you feel; left out, undesired, uncool, embarrassed? Confidence has a lot to do with it.
I feel like it's something that you do and can't take back, you either love it or don't. 
For a portion of my life I think people referred to sex as "It"
Have you done "it"? or what was "it" like?, you know IT!
It's like "it", has become a synonym of "sex". The obvious stretching of the T at the end of it and a glare to let the person know what your referring to. 
It's the norm, no one questions it, well that's a lie.
I've never thought about what my virginity means to me, most likely because I have that crazy feeling love for me doesn't exist but it is important to me that I don't lose my "V card" to a stranger or even by accident. 
Hey it happens.
I don't want to regret it.
How old would you have to be for it to be ok to have sex? Now, how old would your child have to be for you to be ok for them to lose their virginity?
I think some children or teens mature faster than others, some have a better understanding, but to answer all of these questions, I don't know! Not a clue because I'm innocent, I don't have that experience so I can't make that decision, as for my own child; we'll see, having the talk comes to mind, kinda just makes me laugh.
Ok, what if you come to that scenario, you don't have a boyfriend or any kind of relationship going on with anyone, but you want to have sex. (let's say it's because you're a certain age and your friends all have) How do you do it? Flirt with girls or guys your own age, go to a party and sleep around? 

Religiously, I've never met anyone who has said "because of my religion I do not believe in having sex before marriage" and so that's how they choose to live their own life. In my opinion, I wouldn't know how to believe someone who says that. How would you know they are telling the truth?
What if after 30 years your still waiting for that special someone to propose? Could you really wait that long. Won't you feel like it's something your missing out on? 
I am still a virgin, I could say that I am proud to be so but I also haven't had the choice not to be one.
I don't feel left out or want to, more importantly I don't feel pressured but I would like that choice.


Your Guest-slave Lavender x

Sorry it's not long, I could go one but I feel myself going round in circles and not getting to any point. I've had a busy week. So stressed out.

Heartbreak Hotel

Gay marriage doesn’t bother me; it’s just the marriage part I don’t like. It seems like a binding promise to love someone forever, I don’t think it’s fair to make promises you can’t keep. Almost one in two marriages end in divorce nowadays and it probably reflects that it’s now socially acceptable to change partners, instead of being stuck with the man your parents chose for you for life.

I can see that marriage is more like a guarantee, it might be a more stable environment to raise and family, and from that point of view I think that gay marriage should be legal, they have just as much right to raising a family as any other couple.

It also seems weird to me that laws can be passed about religion, it seems like the two should be separate, my vote is we get rid of any legislation about marriage and let the open minded priests do whatever they like. How can a government interfere with God's will? If there is a god that is.

I don’t want to get married, mainly because I don’t want kids, they’re evil little buggers. But it also seems like a lot of effort, let’s say hypothetically I thought I could love someone until the end of time, why do I need to stand up in church in a frilly white dress and tell my nearest and dearest that? If you’ve already lived with and loved someone for a number of years, what does it change?

Let’s say I change my mind, which is a distinct possibility, I’d go to Vegas and get an Elvis look alike to marry me in jeans and a t-shirt. Then spend my honey moon playing reckless games of poker and drinking fancy cocktails.

All homojournalists will be expected to accompany me on this venture

Todostrieb

What Did One Lesbian Frog Say To another?

Ah, coming out. I’m very torn here. To some people I was never IN the closet. To others I’m not yet OUT of the closet. It all gets very confusing.

If Harry Potter taught us anything it's that nobody should live in a closet...

I had my first girlfriend aged 10, we exchanged kitkats and jellybeans on Valentine’s Day, and our matrimonial vows in the dinner queue. My mum was supportive but I think the dreaded words ‘it’s just a phase’ were uttered in hushed tones.

Now, I am not afraid of what people think of me. I am quite willing to shout from the rooftops to anyone who would listen about my sexuality, so why do my parents not know I’m bisexual? I simply never felt the need to announce it to them. I am not very close to my family; I keep both boyfriends and girlfriends quiet until I get ratted out by my sisters.

The closest I have come to coming out is awkwardly confessing to my mum that I had a girlfriend after my grandparents spent hours questioning me about my latest conquests. We concluded that my grandparents would spend a lot of time reassuring me that they loved me, and that it was wonderful I had a girlfriend, but would actually spend quite a bit of time worrying about it, so we kept it quiet. I can only assume, since she has heard rumours of my relationships with both males and the fairer sex, that she realises I am bisexual.

As for my father, I am never quite sure about him. I assumed my mum had told him I had a girlfriend, but he seemed completely oblivious when I claimed to be going out this past February 14^th with Eli, so who knows?

My twin sister knows I am bi, my younger sister does not. I have never seen the point in announcing formally my sexuality, particularly as I find sexuality horribly confusing, until recently that is. I sneakily read some of my younger sister’s texts, and they hinted at her not being as straight as I first assumed. I am worried that she is carrying this secret around with her. So in a show of good spirit, I am planning a way to come out slightly more formally, setting a hopefully good example for her. Even if she’s as straight as an arrow it’ll teach her to keep an open mind. She can ask me awkward questions when she gets a bit older, I’ll be her cool, sexually liberated big sis.

Now to the crux of the matter: I’ve said I don’t mind people knowing that I’m Bi, I’ve said that I’ve never suffered for my sexuality (see week 2 gay-bashing) and as far as I’m concerned the people who matter already know. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a tiny tiny part of me that’s still afraid.

I pride myself of identifying my emotions and the reasons behind them. I make it a point not to lie to myself ever, even when it’s painful, because it’s important to know who you are. So, I think, just this once, it’s safe for me to tell you that,  despite all the bravado, the PDA’s and the pride I have in being part of the queer community, I am scared to formally come out. Yes you heard me, the fearless Mel is scared.

Why? Because part of me still believes that being bisexual isn’t quite normal. Like anybody else I want to fit in and the majority are straight. I don’t want to be left out, on the edges of society getting funny looks all the time. But my girlfriend is beautiful; I want to show her to the world. I’ll stand behind her smiling all the while. Let me make it clear that I am not ashamed in anyway.

Then part of me feels selfish. My friends, family and even church would support me if I came out officially. Despite the awkwardness of a formal coming out, as far as I can see there’s always a lot of build up and then the response is actually quite underwhelming, I think it is my duty to do so. I don’t think coming out will pose any challenges that I will not face gladly if the reward is being myself; but, there are the LGBTQ’s that face abuse, harm and alienation when they come out. If I were out of the closet there might be more I could do to help them, even if it was just giving them an example or someone to look up to. My little sister and millions more out there need people like the homojournalists to be out and proud. To yell at the world and make things right, so we can all be in my position.

I am eighteen. I am bisexual. I am Mel. I am afraid of coming out. But I am also proud of who I am. Coming out is the right thing to do, so I’ll do it.

As always feel free to share your stories, thoughts, comments or even guest posts.

I love you all,

Mel

The Cross vs. The Queer

When faced with the opportunity of writing a post for Homo-Journal I thought: ‘Wtf would I write about when I can’t even come up with posts for my own blog?’ Well I’ve decided to take a break from my laziness and write about something close to my heart and one of the greatest subjects ever to grace this precious earth; can you be gay and be a Christian?

This dilemma became apparent to me in secondary school, when I met someone who inspired me hugely. She was funny, bubbly and beautiful, and she really knew how to make people smile (or cry depending on her mood). But I questioned myself: how could I be attracted to a girl but not rock the boat that is my Christian upbringing? I go to church, I read the bible and I pray; but all the time I was doing these things, I felt pure guilt because it is said in the bible that “If a man also lies with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

Well then I thought fuck it. I had to choose between my feelings or my religion. Some would advise me ‘scrap the religion and just get on with it’. Others would say ‘God is going to condemn you because you like breasts’. But when you know something is real, the fact that others can’t see it themselves doesn’t excuse ignoring it. I weighed my heart and soul and came to the conclusion that the Bible is a text written 2000 years ago by men (I promised myself I would lock up the feminist within for my own blog, but she broke free) and that from my own experiences of God, and not religion, I have steered towards His omnipotence and benevolence.

Summary: So although I am straight, I think that the female form is one of the most beautiful and intricate forms that God has ever created, and I compare women’s bodies to flowers; never the same yet special in their own way. Does that make me gay? I don’t think so. I think that death metal is just noise but that doesn’t make me a hater. What’s important is that I know I am a 17 year old mixed race girl who is loved by God and loves him back regardless of my sexual preferences.  Since coming to this conclusion, I feel that I need to show some love to all those Confused Christians out there.

A little tip: If you're a Christian and you are struggling with your sexuality. Talk to God. Not your mum, or your youth leader or your friends. Only God can show you truth. With regards to the Bible, take it like a shot: with a pinch of salt.

Feel free to comment, argue, spit on or laugh at this post J Check out my blog as well.

SAAAAAFFFEEEE