I'm a Dog and I like socks

Firstly, may I apologise for not gracing you all with my presence last Friday; I'd been incredibly busy sorting out assignments and organising house viewings and writing music for projects I'm involved in at Uni, by the time it was Friday I hadn't actually realised that it was Friday. Does that make sense? No, probably not. Anyway, by way of apology, here are some sock-loving dogs for your entertainment.

Ah, if only all dogs were like that... mine would rather eat the sock you throw for him rather than bring it back to be thrown again...

I'm probably going to sound like a stuck record when I say my knowledge and/or experience of sex is limited (I'm very aware of how depressing that is, given I'm now in Term 2 of Uni and am 19 and still haven't gotten laid). So I feel my post is probably going to be another one of those rambly ones where I don't know what to say because I can't bust the classic gay sex myth "anal sex hurts like a bitch (or bastard, depending on your preference)" - once I discover the degree of fact in that statement, I'll be sure to let you know. So rather than ramble,  my plan was to write a list of all the sex myths that I really hoped were myths, but in a cruel and depressing twist of fate, this is where I fall down again.

I don't know any sex myths.

I really must research things more in the future.

Until next time, my dears,

I am, and always will be,

Very depressedly yours,

Rory.

PS - As you may be aware, February is LGBT history month, and to celebrate, we'd like to here from you. We're looking for some guest submissions on anything LGBT related; the topic of your post could range from coming out, to the debate on equal marriage, to the public perception and acceptance of the LGBT community. If you're interested, check out our submission guidelines, then write us an article and e-mail it to us!

That bitch stole my title

I think this is always going to be a case of use your common sense. It doesn't really bother me, apart from watching Mel, who is my actual sister, or Eli who is like my sister…

That doesn't mean to say that it’s okay to whip out the handcuffs on a trip to the local shopping mall though, think moderation. There might be kids watching you. In fact, this should be something that puts you off.

I confess I am probably guilty of too much PDA in the sixth form common room, but that was ages ago. But hey, I have to creep out ex-boyfriends and mark my territory somehow right?  James mentioned parties, I'm not sure if that actually counts as public or not, in our group of friends coming across a mating pair is no cause for alarm. 

No alarm here. 

In respect to LBGT I'm of the opinion your orientation shouldn't matter, do what you like, but if people are actually offended/ feel awkward because of your behaviour (for non-homophobic reasons) it’s still polite to stop. And if you really have to be within a 2cm radius of your significant other at all times, why did you agree to go out where there are other people, especially friends who might demand some of your precious attention? Living in bed is the answer, with slaves to bring you food and drink. 

I've been doing some research on this topic, and apparently LBGT’s find PDA to be a minefield of issues. It’s sad that we live in a world where you might not feel safe holding someone’s hand. I like to think attitudes are slowly changing, in England you’re definitely more likely to be glared at than openly harassed, which is an improvement on a few years ago I'm sure. My advice to you, if someone is glaring skip off into the sunset still holding hands and forget about them.

:'(

Lots of love,

Todostrieb

P.s. Mike wanted an honorary mention, so here it is: we kissed in public once and the kraken only temporarily threatened to destroy Chelmsford, but was tamed by my great and terrible beauty. 

Thank god I don't get hangovers.

The thing I like about weeks like this is that it gives me a perfect excuse to go to the pub and spend an insane amount of my student loan getting rat arsed and singing Do You Hear the People Sing and other out-of-tune selections from Les Misérables and various other west end and broadway (and some not) shows. It's much fun, and I definitely did not spend most of last night doing exactly that and drooling over pictures of Eddie Redmayne...

"Do you hear the church bells ring?"

Where was I?

Oh yeah, I have to write stuff about people and Homo-Journalists. This seems like an excellent plan and there is absolutely nothing at all that can possibly go wrong.

I promise.

1. Describe each of the Homo-Journalists in a few sentences.
Oh christ...

2. Say which LGBT issue you feel most strongly about and why.
Well, equal marriage has to be right up there... personally I prefer the term 'marriage' or 'human rights', but if calling it the fight for equal marriage means my wedding to Eddie Redmayne and Ben Whishaw is legal, then I'm willing to compromise.

Wait, I'm not allowed a polygamous marriage? Fucking hell, government, stop trying to tell me what to do.

3. Would you rather have a horse the size of a rabbit, or a rabbit the size of a horse? Explain your reasoning in no less than 200 words
I had a decent answer to this when I was sober... pretty sure it'll come back to me, gimme time. For now I'm just gonna say horse the size of a rabbit, cos it'd be kinda cute, I guess.

4. Summarise the entire LGBT world history in no more than 200 words.
Erm... God made Adam and Steve, the world was somehow populated with morons who persecuted and did horrible unspeakables to the descendants of Adam and Steve, then some people started rioting because they didn't like it and ever since then we've all gone to this thing called 'Pride' and dress in rainbows and drag and have lots of alcohol and sex. Jelly babies and Vodka?

5. Embarrassing confession?
I don't think I've got any clean pants for tomorrow :(

6. Weirdest dream?
I had a really weird dream once after having eaten some cheese which my friends gave me for christmas... I'd been taken captive by some woman and put through a series of gruelling and life threatening tests. I survived, then I had to watch someone else do it and they went up the wrong staircase and 'died'... apparently going up that staircase is what forced the woman to become a transvestite and that it twisted her mind so much that she wanted the world to exist only of people who could pass this test and if they failed they'd get converted like she was... It was horrible, I'd rather not think about it.

Come to think of it, I think we'd had a Rocky Horror Picture Show night the day before and I saw far too many of my guy friends in drag and corsets, that might have something to do with it....

7. Would you rather kill someone you love to end a war in a foreign country, or kill someone you hate and thereby start one?
Who thought up this question?! It's utterly morbid, I'd clearly do both.

8. Happiest moment you can think of? (this was actually supposed to be number 7, but I forgot about it so it can go here instead where the question before thiss should have gone... oh god why am I this drunk?)
I got an A+ on my first uni essay the other day... guess I was pretty chuffed at that.

9. Assign a Pokemon to each Homo-Journalist and jsutify it.
The only ones I know are Pickachu and Squirtle. So I'll let my esteemed colleagues argue over who can be who.

Pickachu and Squirtle are both Pokemon, right?

10. (HOW MANY MORE OF THESE DO I HAVE TO DO?! I NEED SLEEP!!!!!!!) If you could go back and change something about your life, what waould it be?
I dunno, maybe I'd have done more piano and bassoon practice? Started the bassoon earlier? Probably something like that. These questions are far too deep and philosophoical for me to be answering at this level of intoxiacation.

11. If you were stuck on a desert island with a book and a person and film, which would you take?
Can I choose the island I'm stranded on too? Pretty sure there's one somewhere that's full of hot guys, I'll go there please. And I'll take Ben Whishaw or Eddie Redmayne with me (can I take them both and sacrifice the film or book?). I have lost all memory of books I've read besides the Harry Potter series, so I'll take one of those at random, and for the film, I'll take my netflix subsription. Lots of films there.

12. Who, other than your significant other, would we have to give to you for sexy-times in order for you to give us all your moneys?
As he mentioned on that day that starts the week off that he psots on, James knows the true answer to this question, but I'll just say Ben Whishaw or Eddie Redmayne. omnomnomnom.

13. Since I don't have to answer this questiona nd everybody else does, who would you rather 'have'/'do'/etc - Justin Bieber or One Direction?
Not gonna lie, however I answer this will make me sound like a peedo (I can't spell it right now, soz), so let's just go for one direction becuase there's more of them.

Who was the 'I' in teh question? I have a feeling it was me, actually... :/ oh well.

14. Biggest regret/worst thing you've done while drunk?
Apparently I harassed my friend's girlfriend about her fringe once, without knowing what the word for fringe was... I have no recollection of this incident and neither does my friend's girlfriend, so I'm just assuming that it never happened at the world is a massive lie.

(I'm not actually sure if my friend and her girlfriend are even girlfriend and girlfriend, or ever have been, if either of you are reading this, I'm sorry :/ )

Yours drunkenly and inocherenetly,
Rory

PS - I didn't get progressively more drunk here as my poor spelling and typing might suggest (if anything I'm more sober now that I was when I started, but not by much), I just gave up caring about that inconvenience we call grammar.

PPS - we should do more of htese, they're strangely fun. Next time, I'll write mine in the pub, not afterwards in my room at some unearhtly hour of the morning.

PPPS - Can you have this many 'post's in a post script?

PPPPS - As a disclaimer, I'd like to point out that the oipininos and views and stuff in this post shouldn't be taken seriously as most of it is actually the alcohol talking. (I'm actually a really nice person.)

PPPPPS - someone stop me now.

I swear to drunk officer I'm not God.

********Disclaimer...I was not actually drunk when writing this, though it may seem the case. I was just high on caffeine, exam stress and jelly legs from the gym. Also I'm insane. *********

Describe each of the homojournal writers in a few sentences.
James- Small, fluffy.
Todostrieb- Middle sized, probably sleeping.
Eli- Smallest, also has tiny hands.
Rory- Taller, musically talented.
Miu- Middle sized, has nice hair.
Becky- Tall, has nice eyes.

Say which lbgt issue you feel most strongly about and why.
Probably marriage. Selfishly, because it’s the one most likely to affect me...why shouldn't I be allowed to marry a girl in church?

Would you rather have a horse the size of a rabbit, or a rabbit the size of a horse- explain your reasoning in no less than 200 words.
I would like a rabbit the size of a horse, because he would love me and be a good body guard. Also, it’d be cute. I would like a rabbit the size of a horse, because he would love me and be a good body guard. Also, it’d be cute. I would like a rabbit the size of a horse, because he would love me and be a good body guard. Also, it’d be cute. I would like a rabbit the size of a horse, because he would love me and be a good body guard. Also, it’d be cute....etc

Summarize the entire world LGBT history in no more than 200 words (ie what you think everyone... absolutely everyone should be told).
The LGBT community is the same as any other...because sexuality doesn’t change who you are. Some of us are weird. Some straight people are too. Penis in bumholes is not disgusting, grow up.

Embarrassing confession.
I actually quite like JB.

What is love/ what does love mean to you?
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Where homosexuality arises from (what makes someone gay).
There’s increasing research to suggest that our sexuality is determined at birth. For example the majority of identical twins share sexuality. (According to my BHS lecture notes). For years we couldn’t explain finger prints, why should sexuality have a great mystery behind it? We’ll know soon enough, so speculation is a waste of time.

Happiest moment you can think of, first thing that pops in your mind, no cheating! But fairly serious, don't you dare say stuff "eating a chocolate bar".
Finishing my first exam this morning...this is the most recent, hence why I thought of it first. But, if you want a good one, holding my baby sister for the first time.

Would you rather kill someone you love to end a war in a foreign country, or kill someone you hate and thereby start one?
I don’t think I could ever kill someone...every possible decision they could have made is just wiped out. Death is like the ultimate restriction of free will.

Assign a Pokemon to each Homojournalist, and justify it.
Almost all my pokemon knowledge is from the first movies and series. So, I’m going to assign Ash’s charizard to be a general homojournal mascot. When he gets his head stuck in the pipe...he pretty much represents all of our awkwardness in one scene. Also, I love him.

If you could go back and change something about your life what would it be?
I WOULD HAVE REVISED MORE FOR THESE JANUARY EXAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STUPID MEL.

If you were stuck on a deserted island which one book, movie and person would you want to take along?
Book, time travellers wife. Movie, V for vendetta (though this seems pointless without a DVD player or indeed, electricity). Person, one of those survival guides on TV who enjoy living on desert islands.

Who, other than your significant other, would we have to give you for sexy-times to get you to give us all your money?
An unlimited supply of anyone I wanted, whenever and however I wanted.

Who would you rather 'have'/'do'/etc - Justin Bieber or One Direction?
Depends on if I had to do all of 1D at the same time really...

Much Love,
Mel xxx

Back off bitches, he's mine.

As I sit here, on the wrong day, writing this at short notice with a totally empty stomach and fridge, no effort to go and cook something or do the thirty second walk to the on-campus shop that doesn't sell Terry's Chocolate Oranges (shock horror) and listening to Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue in preparation for my assignment due next week, I wonder what it is I can say about LGBT celebrities that James and Mel haven't yet covered.

With the deadline to post this on time looming, all I can think of is that I don't really give a damn which celeb bats for which team. I admire their courage - being in the public eye must be difficult enough without having the press throw your private life about the world like a cat with a dead mouse. I don't particularly understand why some celeb coming out on TV or in an interview should be news though; while a lot of straight women would clearly cry their eyes out and a lot of gay men would breath a sigh of joy if someone like Ben Whishaw did come out as gay (even if he isn't, he's still mine, so back off the lot of you, he's all mine. I will hurt kittens), I stand by my opinion of having to come out: it's not news, regardless of who and what you are professionally or how famous you are.

Having said all this, the other half of my brain spends a fair amount of time fantasising about which famous fella I'd get with when I'm a famous film composer... these are just a few examples:

Ben Whishaw (actual sexuality totally irrelevant)

Fucking marry me already.

Russell Tovey (He grew up in the town next to the one I did, I have more right to him than any of you)

I can live with the ears.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt (again, sexuality irrelevant)

Seriously, get in my bed.

James McAvoy (Anything for a scot.)

I don't care about the fact he's married with kids. 

I could continue this list, but I'm hungry and do technically have some work to do... so excuse me while I go and stalk my famous fellas eat food and do my work.

PS - I like to think that the reason Todostrieb didn't post yesterday is because she's too busy stalking her favourite LGBT celeb... Who knows, there's a chance this might actually be the case, so stop telling me otherwise! Eli claims she's ill, I'd like to believe this, in reality we all know she's having hot passionate sex with Prince Poppycock. 'Normal' service should hopefully resume next week.

Better Nate than lever

Better Nate than lever

I’m very sorry this post is late! It’s hard to keep track of the silly linear time units called days you mere mortals are so fond of. But at least you weren’t the friends I stood up, who walked around Stratford looking for me for two hours, when I was actually in bed asleep….

I’ve always said I never wanted to be famous; enough people stalk me as it is. Can you imagine not being able to get the post in your ugly (but amazingly warm) fleece pyjamas, without someone taking a photo of you in all your unwashed glory? Your entire personal life would be up for debate, including your sexual orientation, that can’t be fun. I feel like this is one area the press should stay out of, but they don’t for straight people either, so really it’s promoting an equality of a kind.

One of the main issues I can conceive is if you’re not out, you probably aren’t for a reason; perhaps you’re waiting for the right time to tell your family. Seeing it in the headlines is never a good way to tell your family anything.

However there is the positive role model argument, raising awareness for LBGT issues and suchlike and many celebrities do this admirable. Although, surely straight celebrities could do this anyways? I’m especially fond of straight celebs who don’t bother to deny/address/confirm claims they’re gay, because it doesn’t matter to them. It’s not an insult, or infectious disease…so why care?

Really, I would argue it’s something the media should stay out of, but when has it applied that to any other aspect of anyone’s life. Who wants their diet, weight, love life, sexuality, career, friendships and family examined in public?

I shall end this post with a picture of John Barrowman (sadly I am the wrong gender for him….and he’s happily married):

And here’s a link to the world’s longest joke, where my title is from, if you have some time to kill.

Lots of love,

Todostrieb

New Year's Resolutions

I've never really been a big one for New Years resolutions but that's mostly because I really suck at keeping them. So usually I just end up making vague 'this year had better be better than last year' (2010 and 2011 were kind of rocky) or 'new year, new me' type things.

But that's not going to work this year - 2012 was awesome! I got into medical school, came out to my friends (in a very confusing way) and eventually got up the nerve to ask my girlfriend out.

So I've got to come up with something better for 2013. I think the main thing I want out of 2013 is to pass my first year of uni, especially given how badly practice tests have gone! But more generally, I want 2013 to be even better than 2012.

Becky

Plan B - The World Did Not End

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am back. 

Unfortunately we managed to avoid the End of the World and have now entered the New Year. 

Since this was totally unexpected, I found myself unprepared to take on yet another year, this is why I decided to actually write down a list of New Year's Resolutions, something that I have never, ever done before *shock horror*.

Furthermore I wrote it "Old Style": on paper, using a pen (actually two), in a leather bound book! Here is a picture to prove it:

Written using super cool orange and green japanese erasable pens!

For those of you who can't read it, I shall type it out here

New Year's Resolutions

1. Have New Year's Resolutions
2. Stick to my New Year's Resolutions
3. Post on time every time on Homojournal
4. Be happier, or alternatively...
5. Smile more often 
6. Be nicer to my lovely Boyfriend (xx)
7. Exercise, maybe Zumba instead of the gym
8. Be less lazy (not equivalent to the above)
9. Stalk my "friends" until they love me <3
10. Go out more
11. Take pictures (with new Canon EOS 1100D!)
12. Go to the Zoo
13. Read more often
14. Have a reading list
15. Visit friends at Uni (UNI TOUR!)
16. Eat more veggies :S
17. Convince someone to buy me a puppy!
18. Go to Uni
19. Do not lose phone/camera/iPad or anything else
20. Stop hating odd numbers (I wanted my list to end on an even number)
21. Learn more Physics (minutepysics FTW)
22. Take over the world

My New Year's Resolutions Collage (It took me ages so you better appreciate v.v)

Lost: One toenail

My lovely new year’s resolutions (not quite the same ones I made while drunk):

• Write homojournal every week, on time, also finish the new banner
• Go to the gym (ha)
• Embrace renaissance style catholic hedonism
• Never, ever,  ever, do this to my foot ever again

It will grow back right?

Happy new year,

Todostrieb

Anyone Hiring?

Bonjour Homo-journal-ers, 'tis good to be back.

 I have to admit, last september I thought our blog had died and gone to bloggy heaven. Hopefully, this year, we won't all burn out… 

Thus, resolution numero uno: I will blog every week. *stares at everyone else* this is your resolution too.. 

But don't worry, if you forget - my resolution number 2: I will help harass other homojournalists into blogging every week….

Those who post on time shall be rewarded

For the most part, I don't usually do new year's resolutions, because.. 

1) I never manage to keep them

2) I seem to forget them within a couple of days

3) Having a resolution has a negative effect (e.g. I will give up chocolate… fuelled a giant chocolate binge last year)

And lastly, 

4) I can never think of any good ones.. 

...like I need it to be a resolution...

I asked around this year. A lot of people suggested "Why don't you make it your resolution not to have a resolution?" - I do that often.. 

My mother, when asked told me "You've got to get a job.". Urk. 

I quit my job at the local Green Grocers a couple of weeks ago, and since then.. I've been lazy. Hey, it's been the holidays, you can't blame me. 

But yes.. from the new year, 

I shall try to not be. I shall look for another job. 

eli x


ah, and before I forget...

I think I'll need all the help I can get.

What a year 2012 was. Sherlock returned to our TV screens and promptly departed again. The Doctor was tragically separated from the Ponds, and united with Soufflé Girl. I went to New York City and met Troy, saw Wicked, went up the Empire State Building and got up close and personal with Lady Liberty (sort of). I passed the IB better than I expected to, got into University, moved to a different country, got drunk more times than I care to remember, and still don't have a boyfriend. The Queen celebrated her Diamond Jubilee and looked on at all the countries she used to own at the Olympics. Wills and Kate are even expecting a child. Gay men married your girlfriends; gay women married your boyfriends. I got a job; Mitt Romney didn't. Homo-Journal was founded, and then we moved into Hogwarts. I even managed to get a four year old kid to shout "D.I.O" at my friend at the fireworks yesterday. So yeah, it's been a good year.

I think that calls for a party.

As with every New Year, people around the world sit down and decide to take their lives and give it a good shake up; they decide to quit smoking, or stop drinking, or lose weight. Some try their hardest to stop eating junk food, others spend their time cutting down the time they spend on social media or online games.

I keep telling everybody that I don't make New Year's Resolutions, but in reality I've spent the last nineteen years of my life making the same or similar ones over and over again: "I will get a boyfriend" replaced "I will come out" some moons ago.

I fear I will end this way too :(

So, in no particular order, here are my constant, unchanging, New Year's Resolutions, so that when I return to Embankment for the New Year's Fireworks in 2014, my friends can point and laugh at me for not having succeeded at any of them (again):

1. I will find a boyfriend.
2. I will lose weight.
3. I will not make any New Year's Resolutions.
4. I will not run up an £80 tab in the pub after two consecutive nights of student deals.
5. I will make considerable progress with Grade 8 Piano and Grade x Bassoon.
6. I will continue to not engage in any form of sport.
7. I will not run up another overdraft.
8. I will convince my mum that her buying me a car and paying for the insurance is the best idea ever.

Yours ambitiously,

Rory.

PS// This is being posted by Mel due to some very funny goings on and Todostrieb disappearing. Something to do with Bond/Q fanfiction probably. Or maybe I just think that's the answer to everything now?

Have a lobstromonous new year

Well it’s that time of....inbetweenyness. I’ll be writing 2012 on my lecture notes until well into next December but my heart and plans are somewhere buried in 2015. It's been a great year, I survived secondary school and half a year at medical school. I gave up drinking (before NY which granted seems odd). I've made some new friends. I hope your year was as good as mine. But, as ever we look for ways to improve VIVA LA RESOLUTIONS.

Amongst my homojournal resolutions; I will post on time, I will post on time, I do believe in fairies, I do believe in fairies and they are people too: I also have some private ones.

As I’m away from university over the holiday season it means a month away from the gym. I can hear your gasps of suprise now. Yes, me, I, Mel who is lazy to the point of clinical disability goes to the gym regularly. Anyway, as a result of this so far two week but soon to be four week absence I can see that my arms and legs have already lost tone, clearly it has nothing to do with the noodles or pizza. (We’ll ignore my middle parts, the food baby is here to stay, deal with it).

Hence, therefore, thus, furthermore, in conclusion my new year’s resolution is to start an exercise routine I can do from home, and when I get back to uni, one I can do every morning without going to the gym.

In my quest for a workout for lazy nerds with minimal equipment I stumbled across nerdfit. Nerdfit is a site for nerds wanting to get fit....who’d have guessed. Anyway they have lots of user friendly videos and workout plans. Below is a link to the one I’ll be doing. Though, substituting the pull-ups and chin-ups with more press-ups as I’m weak and have no pull up bar, and adding in some V-sit crunches.

http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2009/12/17/advanced-body-weight-workout-warning-this-will-kick-your-ass/

I warn you this is the advanced one so DO NOT START WITH THIS. They have a beginner version. I’ve gone to the gym on average for 2 hours a day for the last 10 weeks, and this workout is kicking my butt anyway, doing it from scratch will result in zombification and homicide.

Getting fit is probably the most common (if boring) resolution, but don’t take it too seriously. My motto in life is work my arse off in the gym so I can keep up with my pizza addiction. It seems to be working so far, as I feel better but look pretty much the same.

Here are some more links for any homojournalers hoping to get back in shape after the festive season.

The beginner’s body weight work out from Nerdfit.

Fitocracy, a site that makes exercise a video game. Collect points, complete challenges, level up in the game and life.

My fitness pal, a site that helps you balance your exercise with intake. It’s great because it means I can make sure I’m getting the right nutrients and enough pizza : D I hear their mobile apps are good, but lacking a smart phone or tablet I wouldn’t really know.

Lots of Love Mel

PS, sorry this was basically an excuse for me to nerd about my fitness routines and brag a little. The title of this post comes from the big fat quiz of the year on channel 4, which is available for UK readers to watch here...

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/big-fat-quiz/episode-guide/series-9/episode-1

...it comes highly recommended.

New Year's Revolutions

(No, the title is not a typo).

Hello, again. I remember you. You're those people who went out of their way to read the ramblings of 6 teenagers a while ago, spending actual irreplaceable moments of your existence reading about what Miu thought about fetishes and what sprang to Eli's mind whenever bananas came up in polite conversation.

I hope it was worth it.

All this, and you chose to read about Masturbation Month.

As you may know, provided you haven't been sheltering under a rock for the past few weeks, we're in a time of great change here. A new year is dawning, a new Homo-Journalist is joining us (Hi, Becky!), it's all very exciting. With New Year's, though, comes New Year's resolutions, and I always find those difficult. Now, Homojournal as a whole has a New Year's resolution, "WE WILL ALWAYS POST ON TIME, EVERY DAY, UNLESS DEATH, FLOODING OR WILD TIGERS STOP US.", but what about my own personal one? Get in shape? Take up philately?

Both?

Well, this New Year's, I'm going for the jugular.

You see, since Cretzal, I've become something of a romantic door to door salesman, offering myself to whoever seemed interested. It's not that I don't want a relationship, it's that I've become really, really crap at persevering with them. The last 6 months, I've done something (kissing upwards) with 5 people, and, by and large, I can see at least the possibility of a relationship with all of them. Not always a good one, but a stable one at least. So why am I still the relationship equivalent of a non-stick frying pan? 3 of those 5 account for more than one event each, so why haven't I picked one? Why am I still single, completing revolution after revolution on this horrible roundabout of romance?

No, not that roundabout.

So, as of 00:00:00, on the 1st of January 2013, I James I'm-Not-Giving-My-Surname-Away, hereby swear to persevere more with any romantic events that occur, as far as reason and statutory laws will allow, because life's too short to waste flitting unendingly from one place to another

I shall keep you updated, Constant Readers.

Yours determinedly,

James

No, I won't tell you the names of the 5. If you really want to know, do some research of your own, but if I find you outside my house at 04:30, digging through the bins, I'm calling the Police.

New Year, Same Old Us

Hello again! To any new readers, welcome; to our returning ones, welcome back! We hope you all had a lovely Christmas (and if you don't celebrate Christmas, then we hope you enjoyed the bank holidays). After a break of almost 3 entire months while we settled in to University life, Homo-Journal is back, and with one or two big differences. 

The first, and most important is welcoming our new Homo-Journalist, Becky. Becky becomes our new Sunday Homo-Journalist - you'll get to meet her properly this time next week. We're all looking forward to working with her over the coming months, and we sincerely hope we don't drive her insane! 

The other difference is of course that we're redecorating. As the week progresses, you'll notice appearance changes, such as a new background, a new banner and different fonts. Hopefully you'll like our new look, but we'd be interested to hear what you have to say - leave a comment below or drop us an email at the usual place, homojournal@gmail.com. That's also the email you should use if you ever feel like writing us a guest article; there are some submission guidelines over on the page entitled "guest submissions". Incidentally, if there's a topic you'd like us to cover, or to revisit, simply contact us on our Facebook or twitter pages, or send us an email to the same address. 

The posting order hasn't changed, James will still be with you every Monday, Mel on Tuesday, Todostreib on Wednesday, Eli on Thursday, I'm back on Friday and Miu returns on Saturday, with Becky making her debut on Sunday, where we'll be discussing the age old tradition of New Year's resolutions!

All that remains is for me to wish you on behalf of everybody here at Homo-Journal every health and happiness and all the best for the New Year; let's hope it's a good'un!

Rory

So many gays!!

Like Mel, and rather unlike James, and Todostrieb, and Eli, and also Miu, I have finally started University. Despite not having met a single one of my flatmates properly (I think most of them are postgraduates - I'm getting the impression that postgrads turn their noses up and look down upon the undergrads in much the same way the sixth form turned their noses up and looked down upon the ickle year 7s with backpacks twice the size of their bodies), this place is officially brilliant. So many people on my course that I've met have also joined the LGBT society, which is also great - I couldn't help but notice that the LGBT society's stand was diagonally opposite the Catholic Society's stand at Fresher's Fayre, and at our LGBT picnic on Wednesday, we successfully kicked the Christian Union out of their marquee without actually telling them to leave.

I did actually have a very different sort of post planned for today which I wrote while in a depressed state of drunkeness, in which I sort of ramble about how I'm such an awkward turtle, and how I go somewhere, with the intention of uttering a word other than “Hello” to somebody I have never met before, and I just lurk at the back, too terrified to say even that. After not very long, I make myself busy (this usually consists of going to the toilet), and then I return to my lurking spot at the back of wherever, hoping that somebody nice will stumble upon me and start talking to me (and if at all possible, not the other way around).

When this does not happen, I begin to look around for someone who looks like an easy target to walk up to and introduce myself to; I see one guy about my age who looks like he might do, and so I set off, only to return straight away to my original position when I notice that he’s engaged himself in conversation with some chick who intercepted him on his way to the bar. I continue scanning the room for another lonely soul, and find nobody. Suddenly I get the impression that somebody’s watching me, and although I cannot for the life of me figure out who, I feel myself going bright red. It’s almost as if the person who may or may not be watching me thinks I’m a bit of a weirdo, all alone in the corner, Billy No-Mates, and I’m whisked back to Primary School break time, when I was Billy No-Mates, all alone in the corner. And so I leave.

Despite this being a regular scenario for me, I am determined not to let it get the better of me... the LGBT society are heading into Soho on Tuesday (which, by some happy coincidence, is my 19th Birthday), so before we leave, I must make sure to take advantage of the subsidised alcohol in the Student Bar to bury my inner introvert and let the extravert come out to play. 

That sounded creepy.... remind me never to say that again.

I have suddenly realised that I decided I didn't want to post that post, yet there it is, all two paragraphs of it... what I actually wanted to say (which was basically about how awesome University is, how many Doctor Who fans there actually are, how awesome the LGBT society is, how many members of said LGBT society are actually on my course) sort of drifted away into depressed drunkeness anyway...  This is because I am in a rush and writing this before going to meet a friend to watch some sort of film on some really uncomfortable lecture theatre seat before going to the local pub and getting absolutely rat-arsed. 

Hey ho.

We are Southwell and we like drinking...Carpe Noctum etc etc

I’m now in my third day of student life, and so far so good. Fires, unwanted pregnancies and drug overdoses have all been strangely absent so far. Having met the people down the hall, it’s only a matter of time though.

The obvious starting point when speaking about Uni in a homojournal context is the LGBT society....which umm...I haven’t joined yet. Sue me! I haven’t had time to visit the ‘normal’ students freshers fair, I’ve only been to the one for medical nerds. I do have their first ‘queer cafe’ meeting down in my diary though, with a name like that I couldn’t resist. Plus, free cake and lesbians. I’m also looking forward to joining up with the Manchester LGBT’s for a night out later in term (I’m at notts btw).

Humm what else to speak about? Partial nudity seems to be acceptable for all genders, sexualities and BMI’s (sometimes unfortunately so). Dancing with girls (if you’re a girl) and guys (if your a guy) is also pretty standard. So no worries about clubbing with your same sex partners. You should also note that with regard to dancing....actions to songs like Reach by S Club and of course gangham style are completely and utterly compulsory. So get practising!

Yes, places like this really do exist. I was in this club last night. There is hope for all nerds out there.

Now, a word to the wise about the only gay in college types. This is the age of experimentation, you’re away from home perhaps for the first time. You have your own room...with a lock on it. And overnight guests are standard. There’s also plenty of alcohol....and dare I say drugs around, which makes everyone more touchy feely (wink wink). I think I’ve mentioned before how most girls suddenly become bisexual after a couple of units of alcohol. Make sure you do not fuck up your friendships by taking advantage of this, and make sure you won’t get offended if they are not actually gay!

Also. I recommend bringing an entire wardrobe of fancy dress. I have a few outfits with me, but none that fit in with last night’s bay watch theme, tonight’s caveman (I think I’ll just backcomb my hair) or the army night later this week....

And on that note....

I’m off for a lecture (see look I sound all mature and smart don’t I)?

Mel

xxx

I really wanna take my cats for a walk now....

And here we are. Again. A topic I have no experience in. I wanted 'most awkward situation being LGBT has put you in', I have plenty of those which I can talk about. Most of them include my family. In fact most awkward situations I've been in involve a family member of sorts. Like that time when we went to New York and my mum told the lady at the currency exchange that she wasn't a Virgin, but that we were flying with them...

Even though we're now two months on from 'Find Rory a Boyfriend Week', Colin Morgan still hasn't declared his undying love for me, which just goes to show that you should never let your friends find your boyfriend for you, because they'll be crap at it (although, James sneakily ended his post that week with a suggestion I am not going to refuse. Ever). As such, I thought that rather than give you all really unhelpful hints which are more likely to lose you your potential boyfriend/girlfriend than gain you one, I took it upon myself to do some research (read 'Google'): below are some links with tips which look like they might actually work. I have already memorised one or two of them and plan on using them at Uni, for which I leave.... tomorrow. I really should begin to pack.

So, we have:

• Cosmopolitan's 20 Fun, Fearless Ideas to Help You Meet A Man; although it's aimed at the straight females of the world, I'm sure with a bit of jiggery-pokery (technical term), you can adapt it to suit your needs perfectly. (Incidentally, there are one or two rather handsome men here, worth checking out even if you've already met the man of your dreams.)
• eHow's aptly named How to Meet a Nice Guy; avoid number 3 at all costs, and number 5 should only be considered if you're really, really desperate. Otherwise, go for it.
• Get-the-Guy's Top 10 Places to meet guys in London; as long as you're not arrested for loitering, this could be a good way forward too. Although, after having read number 8, I desperately want to try and take my cat for a walk through Hyde Park...

I wouldn't get very far.

Maybe we can come back to this theme in a couple of months time when I've got a boyfriend, I can share my wisdom better then.

Top Tips for meeting guys and girls..

This week's topic is.. again, harder than I thought it would be.. It's not as tho I am sitting here surrounded by my harem of hundreds of girls. I am alone.

You'd probably get better advice asking this guy.

Advice no.1: Check around you
If you're at school, college, uni, or work, there might be someone around you who has possibilities.. Maybe there's a gay-straight alliance or a lgbt society?

If there isn't (have you really looked hard enough?) the only two tips I could think of at the moment was:

Advice no.2: Get yourself out there

Join a club, a community, anything that will get you meeting new people, and increase your possibilities. It'll be great, because the people you meet will have the same sorts of interests as you... unless you join a club that you're not interested in... Also: you won't magically meet new girls/guys if you lay in bed all day wondering why you haven't met anyone yet. 

If all else fails, try online!

There are hundreds of online dating websites, for example: Gaydar, Gaydar Girls, Pink sofa... In which you can write up a personal profile, and browse other people's profiles to see if you find anyone you like (see websites for more details on how they work). There are also social network websites, such as: Facebook, Tumblr, Gaiaonline, youtube, in which you can get talking to people casually and get to know them... and maybe have it lead to more :D 

For the most part, if you want to meet people, you have to be somewhat active. If you don't want to be active, you shouldn't be moping about not meeting people. *rants*

anyhoo, hopefully I can be more helpful next week,

eli x

ps, no matter what, whether it be sex, buying popcorn, or talking to people online, always remember to be safe :D

So, what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?

Ahahahahahaha my commentary on finding guys and girls to date....ahahahahahaha what poor depraved creatures would want my techniques in dating?

Pretty much how I look and act in real life.

Firstly the guys. Previously I thought the only flirting I did was to act awkwardly until people took pity on me. It has only recently come to my attention that playing with people’s hair and holding hands counts as flirting. Suddenly, lots of things make sense. According to my mum, letting guys pay for my drinks also counts as flirting. Oh dear. Perhaps you would like some anecdotes about my recent dating history with guys.

And my mum calls herself a feminist.... seriously though when did a drink equate to sex....

A guy we shall call S kept asking me out for drinks/dinner/sexual acts...and as he knew I had a girlfriend at the time, and I had only just met him, I assumed he was joking. My put downs got gradually more cutting as he kept asking, and I thought it was a running joke amongst the guys at work. Then one night, he invited me out to dinner, in response I insulted his jogging bottoms. 30 seconds later I got a text from one of the other guys at work who’d been witness to this, saying ‘he’s serious you know’....turns out I’d actually been crushing this guy without realising. Needless to say I stopped feeling guilty for this when I fell asleep on him one night and he bit my boob. Yes readers, he bit my boob....through my clothes, with no provocation.

Another guy we shall call L kept asking to meet up, I thought he meant all the work guys so I went along with it....turns out I’ve now accidently asked him on a date.....I asked him to invite everyone else and he got really crushed. Awkward.

Anyway, so I guess my advice to girls wanting to meet guys is play with their hair and hold their hands....also work in security doing night shifts it’s all pervy guys....I guess you could also just go to a bar on your own and look sad and pretty until someone comes up to you. Alternatively, man the fuck up and ask someone out, or buy a guy a drink.

My advice to you if you are a guy, looking for a guy derives from some very strange chats with 2 gay guys I worked nights with, and admittedly we do talk some shit 12 hours into a 15 hour shift, so forgive me. It seemed that all their cuddle buddies and boyfriends have either been met through mutual friends or through strange dating sites and mobile apps....worth a Google I guess. LGBT socs at universities are also an obvious meeting place for our brethren.

So you might be thinking...you clearly fail at reading the signs with guys, maybe you’re better with girls? No. No, is the sad answer to that. Sometimes I’m surprised I get through life without being hit by buses....yet along meet new girls. My main problem is working out if they’re gay.

Now, a golden rule. All girls will be gay if they are drunk. This doesn’t make them actually gay, and makes the morning after a lot more awkward. Another rule...some girls think it might be cool, or fancy experimenting a bit....the only gay in college types. And, another some girls are actually gay and just shy, or still in the closet.  Finally, some gay girls are just out. Oh also, some bisexual girls have histories with guys that make them look straight. You can see that meeting gay girls is a minefield....

So en sommaire. I’m just going to cry alone in my room and hope that my puesdo date with L isn’t too embarrassing....after one of the most awkward conversations of my life we are no going as ‘mates’ whatever the hell that means. Oh god.

Yours socially awkwardly,

Mel.....queen of awkward accidental flirting

Please ignore anything you know about goldfish anatomy for this next paragraph...

PS...new favourite pick up line I heard today à

There are three goldfish living in a bowl together, two guys and a girl. The girl has some existential anxiety going on. She really wants to get out of the bowl, which has become like a prison to her. One of the guys tells her he knows a way out. But he says he’ll only tell her if she sleeps with him. She doesn’t think she has anything to lose, so they have a night of fun, and when she wakes up the next morning the guy fish is gone. She’s baffled and asks the other male. He says he knows where the first guy went, but will only tell her if she sleeps with him. They have a night of fun and yet again when the girl wakes up alone....so where did the male fish go? I know the answer, but i’ll only tell you if you sleep with me babes : D

Don't wait until it's too late

I know I've been missing recently, and although I'm writing this relatively early, it'll probably still be late. I apologise if anyone actually wished to read what I might have to say no matter how silly. Anyway, reading some of what my fellow homojournalist have written this week, I decided to take some time off my very busy schedule of doing nothing and try writing something worth reading.

I have not researched any of this (what can I say, I'm lazy) but I think suicide may happen in two ways:

Lost in the flare of the moment. 
Someone might be having a bad couple of weeks or even just a particularly bad day, so impulsively decides life isn't worth living. Unfortunately suicide isn't something you can just change your mind on or file it under "never-to-repeat" list. Rory went on a rant about people who throw themselves in front of trains, and I couldn't agree more. Although they cannot tell us what was going through their mind, I can think of a few reasons why they might choose this way. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT A FORM OF ENCOURAGEMENT.

1. They are angry and purposefully want to disrupt transport for others 'cause they hate the world and think it as a sort of revenge.
2. They think it's quick, effective and... no time for second-thoughts
3. They accidentally took a step too far (hey maybe not all of those are suicides)

They are not brilliant reasons, but I don't think a suicidal person is in a position to think straight so why argue? 

The last desperate act.

It's often depression that leads to this, but it can also be other mental illnesses. I will concentrate on the former. Depression often isn't easy to spot until it has reached the "higher stages", I happen to have recently read lots about it so I'll just post some links about various symptoms and how they manifest in different people, as I don't want to talk only about that.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm

http://www.depressionalliance.org/help-and-information/what-is-depression.

This is a quick summary of some of the symptoms, if you have even the slightest doubt about your condition, you should read through the links, google and speack to your GP; it might be nothing, but better safe than sorry. It is not as black and white as it might seem, it's not just about "I cry everyday", in men depression often manifests as anger rather than sadness, whilst teenagers may become more irritable and short tempered. It is important to keep in mind that there are more than one symptoms though you may not have all of them.

• Tiredness and loss of energy
• Persistent sadness
• Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem
• Difficulty concentrating
• Not being able to enjoy things that are usually pleasurable or interesting
• Undue feelings of guilt or worthlessness
• Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
• Sleeping problems - difficulties in getting off to sleep or waking up much earlier than usual
• Avoiding other people, sometimes even your close friends
• Finding it hard to function at work/college/school
• Loss of appetite
• Loss of sex drive and/ or sexual problems
• Physical aches and pains
• Thinking about suicide and death
• Self-harm

I think a possible reason why so many reach this stage is the unwillingness to look for help. Sure, talking to friends might help, but it is often a lot better to speak to a stranger and the best option is if this stranger holds a degree in psychology. Going to a "shrink" does not make you crazy, depression is an illness and they are simply doctors that won't stick nasty stuff in you. Another problem is what I've already said: people don't realise until it is too late. It is difficult for other people to realise what is going on inside a person, so it's really up to them to make the first move.

Since I can't think of anything else to say (mainly 'cause I'm hungover) I'll end this post with a confession, part of the reason I haven't really been writing is because in the past few months I too have been ticking quite a few of those boxes :S Does it mean I'm depressed? I personally don't really think so, though it sometimes worries me, but I'd better check that with someone more qualified to judge just in case. So if you have any doubts, follow my example, you've got nothing to lose :) Also, this is the first time I mention it to anyone so hey, I guess it really is easier to speak to strangers :P

...Now I'll just have to deal with my boyfriend who has suddenly taken an interest in what I'm writing (hope you are not offended or worried, I love you!) Oh and of course my "fellow homojournalists" are my friends hmm... maybe they won't read :P

Love,

Miu xx