I am never going to Freehold, Iowa.

Another Monday, another week where I'm outvoted on what topic we write about. You see, we decide by having a vote each week, and I'm all for topics like "LGBTQS celebrities as role models" and "Homophobia - actual phobia or ignorance?"

Unfortunately, the poll always looks like this by Sunday:

Actual quote - Todostrieb: "OMG flying boobs would be awesome."

Thus we have "UFOs and Aliens" week.

Now, aside from the obvious Rule 34 implications (I wish with all my heart that I hadn't Googled "Rule 34" - I despised My Little Pony enough already, thank you), I had trouble thinking of any connection between the two. So, with Google already open, I decided to do some digging. And oh my, some people have been finding connections for me.

They forgot the "BBQ" y-axis, which shows how much my brain started smouldering as I read that page.

Now I know this is a satire page, and I have nothing against gays, or aliens, or religion per-se, or crazy, but that page is a bewildering maelstrom of all 4 at the very highest levels. You could lock a starving cat in a room that contained a mouse floating in a pool, on a lilo, while blasting the Hawaii Five-0 theme tune at them, and you still wouldn't reach the levels of confusion, anger and revulsion as you see on that page. FBI Profilers could read that page as part of their training, if just to understand how strange delusions can be. We'll have evolved past the point at which we ARE THE INVADING ALIENS TO SOMEONE ELSE before we can fully understand what's going on in these people's heads.

I'm now in the middle of a true sense of humour failure here. "Pastor Ezekiel" has some very interesting badges underneath his name. Some, such as "Christian Love", and "4th Year Bible College" are absolutely brilliant, love and studying are wonderful. Here are some others:

1. "Punched the most queers" - a jolly pair of boxing gloves.
2. "True Christian Caucasian" - some variety of white object, possibly a feather, I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.
3. The rather ominous "Tell Her Once" - a shaking, closed, fist.

I will become this Sim, then go torment these people. Out of spite.

Seriously?! Satire's all very well and good, but you can't make fun of these things. It's not right, these are real issues, and it's not that funny. There are some things that you can't mock, women's rights, gay rights and aliens that might possibly have the technology to destroy us all being very high up on the list.

Aliens, if you're listening, go back. We have too much to fix before you're safe to visit.

Yours flabbergastedly,

James.

For at least 10 minutes, I didn't know it was a satirical page. I very nearly caught fire.