Thank god I don't get hangovers.

The thing I like about weeks like this is that it gives me a perfect excuse to go to the pub and spend an insane amount of my student loan getting rat arsed and singing Do You Hear the People Sing and other out-of-tune selections from Les Misérables and various other west end and broadway (and some not) shows. It's much fun, and I definitely did not spend most of last night doing exactly that and drooling over pictures of Eddie Redmayne...

"Do you hear the church bells ring?"

Where was I?

Oh yeah, I have to write stuff about people and Homo-Journalists. This seems like an excellent plan and there is absolutely nothing at all that can possibly go wrong.

I promise.

1. Describe each of the Homo-Journalists in a few sentences.
Oh christ...

2. Say which LGBT issue you feel most strongly about and why.
Well, equal marriage has to be right up there... personally I prefer the term 'marriage' or 'human rights', but if calling it the fight for equal marriage means my wedding to Eddie Redmayne and Ben Whishaw is legal, then I'm willing to compromise.

Wait, I'm not allowed a polygamous marriage? Fucking hell, government, stop trying to tell me what to do.

3. Would you rather have a horse the size of a rabbit, or a rabbit the size of a horse? Explain your reasoning in no less than 200 words
I had a decent answer to this when I was sober... pretty sure it'll come back to me, gimme time. For now I'm just gonna say horse the size of a rabbit, cos it'd be kinda cute, I guess.

4. Summarise the entire LGBT world history in no more than 200 words.
Erm... God made Adam and Steve, the world was somehow populated with morons who persecuted and did horrible unspeakables to the descendants of Adam and Steve, then some people started rioting because they didn't like it and ever since then we've all gone to this thing called 'Pride' and dress in rainbows and drag and have lots of alcohol and sex. Jelly babies and Vodka?

5. Embarrassing confession?
I don't think I've got any clean pants for tomorrow :(

6. Weirdest dream?
I had a really weird dream once after having eaten some cheese which my friends gave me for christmas... I'd been taken captive by some woman and put through a series of gruelling and life threatening tests. I survived, then I had to watch someone else do it and they went up the wrong staircase and 'died'... apparently going up that staircase is what forced the woman to become a transvestite and that it twisted her mind so much that she wanted the world to exist only of people who could pass this test and if they failed they'd get converted like she was... It was horrible, I'd rather not think about it.

Come to think of it, I think we'd had a Rocky Horror Picture Show night the day before and I saw far too many of my guy friends in drag and corsets, that might have something to do with it....

7. Would you rather kill someone you love to end a war in a foreign country, or kill someone you hate and thereby start one?
Who thought up this question?! It's utterly morbid, I'd clearly do both.

8. Happiest moment you can think of? (this was actually supposed to be number 7, but I forgot about it so it can go here instead where the question before thiss should have gone... oh god why am I this drunk?)
I got an A+ on my first uni essay the other day... guess I was pretty chuffed at that.

9. Assign a Pokemon to each Homo-Journalist and jsutify it.
The only ones I know are Pickachu and Squirtle. So I'll let my esteemed colleagues argue over who can be who.

Pickachu and Squirtle are both Pokemon, right?

10. (HOW MANY MORE OF THESE DO I HAVE TO DO?! I NEED SLEEP!!!!!!!) If you could go back and change something about your life, what waould it be?
I dunno, maybe I'd have done more piano and bassoon practice? Started the bassoon earlier? Probably something like that. These questions are far too deep and philosophoical for me to be answering at this level of intoxiacation.

11. If you were stuck on a desert island with a book and a person and film, which would you take?
Can I choose the island I'm stranded on too? Pretty sure there's one somewhere that's full of hot guys, I'll go there please. And I'll take Ben Whishaw or Eddie Redmayne with me (can I take them both and sacrifice the film or book?). I have lost all memory of books I've read besides the Harry Potter series, so I'll take one of those at random, and for the film, I'll take my netflix subsription. Lots of films there.

12. Who, other than your significant other, would we have to give to you for sexy-times in order for you to give us all your moneys?
As he mentioned on that day that starts the week off that he psots on, James knows the true answer to this question, but I'll just say Ben Whishaw or Eddie Redmayne. omnomnomnom.

13. Since I don't have to answer this questiona nd everybody else does, who would you rather 'have'/'do'/etc - Justin Bieber or One Direction?
Not gonna lie, however I answer this will make me sound like a peedo (I can't spell it right now, soz), so let's just go for one direction becuase there's more of them.

Who was the 'I' in teh question? I have a feeling it was me, actually... :/ oh well.

14. Biggest regret/worst thing you've done while drunk?
Apparently I harassed my friend's girlfriend about her fringe once, without knowing what the word for fringe was... I have no recollection of this incident and neither does my friend's girlfriend, so I'm just assuming that it never happened at the world is a massive lie.

(I'm not actually sure if my friend and her girlfriend are even girlfriend and girlfriend, or ever have been, if either of you are reading this, I'm sorry :/ )

Yours drunkenly and inocherenetly,
Rory

PS - I didn't get progressively more drunk here as my poor spelling and typing might suggest (if anything I'm more sober now that I was when I started, but not by much), I just gave up caring about that inconvenience we call grammar.

PPS - we should do more of htese, they're strangely fun. Next time, I'll write mine in the pub, not afterwards in my room at some unearhtly hour of the morning.

PPPS - Can you have this many 'post's in a post script?

PPPPS - As a disclaimer, I'd like to point out that the oipininos and views and stuff in this post shouldn't be taken seriously as most of it is actually the alcohol talking. (I'm actually a really nice person.)

PPPPPS - someone stop me now.

Back off bitches, he's mine.

As I sit here, on the wrong day, writing this at short notice with a totally empty stomach and fridge, no effort to go and cook something or do the thirty second walk to the on-campus shop that doesn't sell Terry's Chocolate Oranges (shock horror) and listening to Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue in preparation for my assignment due next week, I wonder what it is I can say about LGBT celebrities that James and Mel haven't yet covered.

With the deadline to post this on time looming, all I can think of is that I don't really give a damn which celeb bats for which team. I admire their courage - being in the public eye must be difficult enough without having the press throw your private life about the world like a cat with a dead mouse. I don't particularly understand why some celeb coming out on TV or in an interview should be news though; while a lot of straight women would clearly cry their eyes out and a lot of gay men would breath a sigh of joy if someone like Ben Whishaw did come out as gay (even if he isn't, he's still mine, so back off the lot of you, he's all mine. I will hurt kittens), I stand by my opinion of having to come out: it's not news, regardless of who and what you are professionally or how famous you are.

Having said all this, the other half of my brain spends a fair amount of time fantasising about which famous fella I'd get with when I'm a famous film composer... these are just a few examples:

Ben Whishaw (actual sexuality totally irrelevant)

Fucking marry me already.

Russell Tovey (He grew up in the town next to the one I did, I have more right to him than any of you)

I can live with the ears.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt (again, sexuality irrelevant)

Seriously, get in my bed.

James McAvoy (Anything for a scot.)

I don't care about the fact he's married with kids. 

I could continue this list, but I'm hungry and do technically have some work to do... so excuse me while I go and stalk my famous fellas eat food and do my work.

PS - I like to think that the reason Todostrieb didn't post yesterday is because she's too busy stalking her favourite LGBT celeb... Who knows, there's a chance this might actually be the case, so stop telling me otherwise! Eli claims she's ill, I'd like to believe this, in reality we all know she's having hot passionate sex with Prince Poppycock. 'Normal' service should hopefully resume next week.