Guests Post - Coming Out

I always feel a little bit stupid telling the story of how I came out, because most people usually have some sort of crazy way in which their parents found out, and I sometimes feel like my story isn’t really good enough. I first started realising that I had a thing for guys when I developed a crush on a person that shall remain unnamed until the end of time, and it absolutely confused the hell out of me, seeing as I had never thought about guys in that way. He was also straight and used to remark "I'm perfectly comfortable with my sexuality" - he later turned out to be bisexual, which I found incredibly amusing.

Anyway, as my sexual awareness became more and more potent, I also became increasingly aware of how much people seemed to hate gay people at my school. So instead of just straight up telling people ‘I’m bisexual’ and getting my head kicked in by the ignorant chavs who don’t understand anything unless it’s within their own context of reality, I thought I would tell some of my accepting female friends and ask them to keep it a secret. Which they did… for a while anyway.

During that brief time in which all was well, I felt much better knowing my female friends were actually accepting of me, but I still felt down because I had no idea whether my best friend Tom would be at all accepting. I ended up telling him on a swing just outside the youth club that happened on Fridays in our little village, and although he was a little freaked out, he still seemed to be ok with it in the end. He even asked if I fancied him, a concept I actually find rather hilarious now, but back then I was a little offended. Now I had told everyone really important to me and didn’t care for telling anyone else, but about a month after I told Tom, one of my female friends obviously felt the need to.

Pretty much half the school found out within two or three days and I got questions from just about everyone. ‘Why would you want to be with a guy?’ they would ask, as if I was just walking along one day and decided ‘Hey, do you know what’d be a good idea? If I had a sexual attraction towards guys, it's not like I would get any hate from ignorant assholes or anything’. I also got all the threats from the bullies at my school. They already had plenty of reasons to hate me in the first place, so it wasn't that much of a change. They were all empty threats in the end. The kids that wanted to ‘Bash my head in’, they never did. Although those same kids did throw a pencil at me in class on the odd occasion and exclaim rude remarks about my sexuality. It didn't really make a big difference though, because they would probably just be saying something else about my dress sense, or my hair, as if fashion was their primary concern in life.

Telling my family was now the next step. I would always feel the need to tell my mum coming back from martial arts class. The teacher of the class was actually a lesbian and my mum knew this, so it always made me think that she probably didn’t mind gay people, because she would always talk about the teacher in a really good light. It took me about two or three months working up the courage; I would always be thinking about it in the car. I’d often say ‘Mum?’ and she’d say ‘what?’ in her Canadian accent, and I’d reply with ‘Never mind’ and we’d continue on our journey. Anyway, I told her after a while, and she was fine with it, however she felt the need to give me a week long lecture on aids, which I can tell you was really, really fun. She also seemed to think that maybe I’d ‘Grow out of it’. It then took me about half a year to tell my dad when he picked me up in his car to go to his house, his reaction was pretty much ‘Oh, ok, that’s fine’ which was a big relief, and luckily no aids lecture. I then told my brother about four years after I told my dad… yeah, a long time I know.

You see, my brother had never really spoken about gay people and I had some vague ideas about whether or not my father and mother were ok with it, but for all I knew my brother could have absolutely despised other sexualities. I didn’t even directly tell him, I told his girlfriend who later told him. We never spoke about it, but I knew he knew. Whenever I posted a link on facebook about gay marriage or the pope doing his best to do something stupid, he would show his support. I think it must have also taken me a while because he’s actually a really good friend as well as a brother and I really look up to my brother. His disapproval would have pretty much been one of the most depressing thoughts I could have.

Now I’m completely open about it, so open in fact that I’ll even sign off with my name.

– Izzy Spint. Nineteen years of age. Bisexual and proud.