The Joys of Being Queer

Hello fello Queerdos...

I'm back posting on my normal day, woohoo! *starts dancing*
This week's theme, if you don't know already, is "the perks of being lgbtq..". So I, Eli, shall inform you about some of the perks of being queer!

In my mind, I'm cool like this...

UNO
Queer-ness, is the unwillingness to admit to a sexuality; it is to say: I am all of the above and sometimes not. The first perk you get, is choice. There are plenty of people in the sea.

But if you think about it, you have to subtract the ones that don't like your bait, and ones you don't want to attract.. and the ones that live in a completely different pond or sea or ecosystem, unless you move.. So the choice perk is confusing. I'm not one of them people that holds the capacity of wanting to bang everyone, and I think that gay, bi, straight - whatever you are, only you have the capacity to completely lust over a few people at the same time.

Take for example, being in a gangbang with 9 glisening muscly men. You may be physically attracted to them all, or you may not like the look of some, but still, you will have a select few that you like more than the rest of them. (not that you should be ranking your gangbangers.. you should probably be enjoying it, or calling for help if you don't... ).

Gangbang? No thanks..

Did I make my point clear? - I'm not sure. I have a headache, leave me alone.

DOS
Second perk... being able to be in a non-straight relationship (yes, we're talking girl-on-girl or boy-boy-what-you-call-it).  Jeff Murdoch, on the BBC series Coupling  said "being a lesbian all the advantages of being a man with less embarrassing genitals plus every time you have sex theres four breasts. Two guest breasts and two you can take home afterwards, oh its bloody brilliant."

Don't you want to use me?

It's wonderful. Girls are pretty, well, at least my girlfriend is (*boasts*), and there's no need for birth-control. As Mel pointed out earlier, you can't get your gay lover pregnant! Think of all the teenage fun you can have..

TRES
That brings us onto the third perk: Artificial insemination!! (If I chose to do it the gay way).
No normal straight couple will be able to feel the joy of sticking a turkey basen in your baking hole to create a two legged ball of cuteness. Hazzah! I look forward to it *stares at Mel* you're going first though.. I don't want to risk messing myself up... not that I think it'll be dodgy..... >.<

CUATRO
Knowing who you're REAL friends and family are... because if they can't accept you as the sexually confused strange being you are, why oh why will you want to hang around with them. If they can't accept, you're just forced to move on.

Which is easier to do, when they've kicked you out of the house, or have stopped talking to you.. Your real friends and family will stay by you, no matter what you are, and no matter what kind of thing they find out about you.

CINCO
Also, understanding. Being a minority, you'll find loads of amazing people on the edges of society who have refused to conform to the social norm and just shine... for example, look at us wonderful Homos..

Dammit, I'm the chubby mouse, aren't I ¬¬

SEIS
Sixthly, spreading awkwardness, and getting stared at in public. It's like being Madonna. It's fabulous.. *hides behind Mel*

SIETE
We homos can wave the rainbow flag! Also, gay bars, and Birmingham, and the PRIDE!!

Rub some gay on you...

....

I laugh at how each explanation gets shorter and shorter..

Send me all hate mail at homojournal@gmail.com

eli x