Business as usual.

I am the two small rectangles.

That was the post that appeared on our private FB group wall last night, from Eli. Why, you ask? What can cause this fine, even-tempered, upstanding young gentleman to become an unresponsive, slightly drooling puddle of boy on the sofa?

Homojournal, that's what.

Damn you.

You see, this week is "Drunk Post Week", and ideally we'd be answering the questions we've set each other in real time, typing while drunk, but, in a practically prescient display of forethought, Eli and I decided it'd be safer to record our ramblings, then transcribe what we said/meant to say.

Everything after 8) is being done hyped on Boost and Solpadeine instead, because:

1. I passed out;
2. I have no alcohol left;
3. I have a headache, and this kills two avianoids with one small, smooth rock.

~ Questions They Asked Me While Somewhat Tipsy ~

Describe each of the Homojournal writers in a few sentences. 

Mel: Well, she's blonde. Or brunette. I forget which. Let's go with black. I think. She'd make a great Queen, 'cos she'd make binge drinking for everyone but her the law, and she does medicine so she can heal us all afterwards.

Rory: When Wholock was created, it was with Rory in mind. We have an in-joke about one of our mutual friends in tight, white pants. Not so much an in-joke, really, as a mutual fantasy. This is weird.

Miu: Well, we have a history. It started when I kicked her in the head, and she walked after me menacingly like the girl from The Ring. It detoured through assault and madness.

Becky: Fresh meat! Erm, what? Anyway, I have little to say so far, seeing as I've yet to meet her. She seems nice, and I'm sure, being Mel's friend, she'll have some form of mental aberration.

Eli: My Mum knows her as "the strange girl" and my Dad knows her as "the one with odd hats". She gave me alcohol so obviously she's lovely.

Todostrieb: She has excellent fashion sense and boobs, and I've inherited a facial expression from her. We have shockingly identical taste in men.

EDIT: I've just read Todostrieb's scheduled post, and she references that last bit about her. So, um, yeah. I now feel awful that that wasn't my "Embarrassing confession" or "Biggest regret/worst thing you've done whilst drunk".

That's a lie, I don't feel bad at all, I was just talking to him while typing this post, I'm going to Hell.

Which LGBTQ issue you feel most strongly about and why?

Well, gay marriage, or, as it's more properly known, "marriage", is quite high on the list. I don't know if I'm the marrying type, or if I'll marry a guy, but it might be quite nice for others to be able to do so without getting attacked by a mob.

Would you rather have a horse the size of a rabbit, or a rabbit the size of a horse- explain your reasoning in no less than 200 words.

LOOK AT IT.

A picture is worth a thousand words, so I'm 816 over the minimum.

Summarize the entire world LGBTQ history in no more than 200 words (ie what you think everyone... absolutely everyone should be told).

All accurate descriptions of me.

This describes most LGBTQ people, so it'll have to do.

Embarrassing confession?

When I was in Year 4 I gained a strange sort of popularity as a kind of wedding planner. You know those cute kiddy-weddings that kids had in the playground? Yeah, I took over organising them and the decorations. I used tinsel and "Congratulations!" banners from our loft - I must've been the campest 8 year old anyone'd ever seen.

Your weirdest dream?

I had a dream where my friend took acid and murdered all of us at college except me, 'cos I killed him in self-defence. Then I got blamed for the murders. It was unfortunate.

Happiest moment you can think of?

Well, everything else aside, when me and Cretzal (and most of the other Homojournalists) slept round someone's house after a party, and he kept doing seal impressions was pretty damn brilliant. 

No, he didn't sing "Kiss From A Rose" to me.

The clueless naivety of the person's father was quite amusing too:

- "I'll get you another sleeping bag."
- "No need, we'll share."
- "Oh no, I won't force you two to share..."
- "You wouldn't be forcing us."
- "...?"

If you could go back and change something about your life what would it be? 

I'd campaign for surgery on my mouth and jaw more forcefully when I was younger. I would've gotten it free as corrective surgery rather than cosmetic, but now it'll cost something like £999,999,999, which I won't have until at least three months of saving. 

If you were stuck on a deserted island which one book, movie and person would you want to take along?

Well, the book's easy: "The God of Small Things", by Arundhati Roy. It's a beautiful book, and you are hereby ordered to go and buy it as soon as you've read this post. Not before though, because that would be rude.

Movie? Well, assuming we have a TV and DVD player, "Easy A" - I AM Olive Penderghast. If not, the "Prisoner: Cell Block H" box set might be useful, as 174 discs could be good for burning, producing heat and smoke so you can be found.

The person?

You could strand us on Mars and I'd be happy - we'd be naked in minutes.

Who, other than your significant other, would we have to give you for sexy-times to get you to give us all your money?

Look directly above the question.

Who would you rather 'have'/'do'/etc - Justin Bieber or One Direction?

There's one Justin Bieber, and he's Justin Bieber. There's 5 people in One Direction, and none of them are Justin Bieber. A sixsome with One Direction, thank you.

Biggest regret/worst thing you've done whilst drunk?

Well, passing out and not finishing this wasn't exactly A* material, was it? Also, I once passed out in a ditch while drinking mead that the friend from the weird dream gave me. Maybe it was a symbolic, prophetic dream.

...god, that took AEONS to type...

Yours sheepishly,

James.

Eli fed me vodka-soaked plums that tasted of coffee, vodka-jelly baby sludge that tasted of diabetes and vodka-soaked raspberries that tasted of sadness. No wonder I passed out. I think she was trying to date-rape me, but I've examined myself and I don't think I have any unaccounted-for marks...

Maybe I was hypnotised.

Greetings, Constant Reader! Another week, another topic, and this week brings us the exciting "LGBTQ Celebrities - Is It Anyone Else's Business?".

Now, when I first heard this, I had two immediate thoughts. I could write about someone we know is LGBTQ:

Such as this guy we almost never mention.

Or someone I really want LGBTQ:

Also a relatively unknown guy here on Homojournal.

But no, I shall be unexpected. I won't write about teenage hunks, I shall, for once, target a man of a different kind.

Why, hello there.

That beautiful man there is Derren Brown, and he has long been an inspiration to me. As an illusionist, he gets to paddle around in the more eldritch swamps of most peoples' minds, and his large-scale experiments (often on TV) are some of the most interesting things that have ever been on. I love Psychology, so I love him. According to 16 year old me he didn't even have a sexuality; It'd be like asking about Pikachu's sexuality - sure, some weirdos will be interested, but the majority of us sane folk won't.

Well, turns out those weirdos were onto something. 

But not with this. This didn't need thinking about.

As stated here, Derren Brown IS gay. When I first discovered this (admittedly about 4 years after he came out), I was already writing for Homojournal, and so his sexuality hadn't had any effect on me: his mentalism made me interested in the human mind, but I was always going to be who I am sexually, regardless of who shared his bed with him. And that, I feel, is the main point of this (admittedly brief) post: if they don't want to share it openly, and they're already people who impress and inspire, then why should celebrities have to tell us if they don't identify as straight?

All I'd like is to know if it improves my chances of sleeping with them.

Yours truly,

James

Although seriously, Tom Daley and Ezra Miller are hot enough to melt diamond. Any chance of a foursome? Threesomes generally go badly, but maybe a foursome would work. Plus, imagine what Derren could make the others do...

I miss-spelled celibacy

Rory covered for me yesterday, as I got from Japan late Wednesday, and was still jet lagged yesterday. So Danke Rory >.<

After reading everyone's debate/blame game on the miss spelling of "celibacy", I've come to a horrific conclusion, that it must have been me that spelt it wrong in the theme pool... For that I apologise. But in way, that miss-spelling must reflect my views on celibacy - the subject is so little concern of mine, that I don't even know how to spell the word correctly. I don't think I've ever google it..

Celibacy: a fetish - according to the interwebs

Celibacy, is the act of choosing to not have sex indefinitely. I assume that for the most part, it only applies to those of us that are sexually active, as there must be somewhat of a difference between choosing to remain a virgin, and choosing to be celibate.

I've read accounts in one of my feminist sex ed books, of people who are celibate, but only seem to count sex as penis-to-vagina (sorry for being vulgar, I couldn't think of a better way to put it). The account didn't consider masturbation.

But what about lesbian sex? or gay sex?

I could happily give up heterosexual sex indefinitely, or should I say that I have already, considering right now, I have mel? But I wouldn't consider myself celibate. I probably wouldn't consider myself celibate if I limited my sexual activities to masturbation. To me it seems silly, if you're going to be celibate, why go about it so half-assed, and not go the whole hog going cold-turkey?

Forgive my ignorance, but is there such a thing as true celibacy, not having sex - just because? and WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

I can understand just sticking to masturbation, if you've been sexually molested and don't like being touched; you don't have anybody to fuck; you have a serious STD; you have a deficiency of some sort; or you've chosen to stay celibate for spiritual reasons. But I consider them all to be somewhat forced celibacy.

I think celibacy must be one of the main reasons why I decided (after much pondering) not to become a nun. Oh, and the fact that I don't believe in God. I'm not against that kind of forced celibacy, and staying celibate because you feel you have to, it somewhat noble of them, but as for me, I am young, and I want my freedom to jump on anyone I fancy jumping on.

The question this week, I've been told, is what would you give up sex for? So here's my list:

• I'd give up heterosexual sex for lesbian sex, and vice-versa, depending on circumstances.
• I'd give up sex for my life, or life of others, if I was told I had to choose between having sex and dying, or not having sex and living.. 
• I'd give up sex if I had an STD or until I was rid of it
• I'd give up sex if my partner wasn't here, and wished me to. Probably.

So, sorry if my views are wrong or offend you in anyway, it's just my ignorant rant, blah, I might have to go read this:

see you next week,

eli x

ps, comment/email if you wish, I'm writing on mel's account, because I'm on her laptop, she's asleep next to me, and I forgot to log out. Bah humbug. 

The world beyond...

The world is largely divided in two types of people, those who believe aliens exist and those who believe they do not. Obviously one of these two must be right, but we have no way of knowing which :/ 

Does it really matter? Maybe there is, was, or one day will be some sort of life out there, or maybe we are all alone. To me it does not make much of a difference, so I'll leave you with a quote

"If no life existed out in the Universe, well, it'd be an awful waste of space"

and some funny pics (credits to the fb page I fucking love science)

Love,

Miu xx

Two Spice Girls Were Named After Mel

It all started one day when Mel was sat at her laptop thinking clever thoughts. Sadly she was interrupted from these clever thoughts by the homo-journalists, who demanded she take time out of her hectic schedule to attend to Rory’s whims. 

Mel muttered to herself darkly, the homo-journalists did not find this unusual as Mel often talked to herself, it was the only way she could get any intelligent conversation. 

Worryingly, Mel’s first thought was "well if he needs a boyfriend, I’ll do it. I volunteer for the good of humanity to show Rory the ropes." Then she remembered, there was a ‘boy’ stipulated somewhere in the homo-journalists request, and sadly she couldn’t quite fill those cough pants cough. 

So the search began. Except, well that fan fiction was looking pretty tempting right now.....and so five hours later Mel was found past her deadline still laughing about Harry Potter And The Methods Of Rationality. 

Then dundundun Mel had one of those moments of pure genius that very few mortals could ever understand. Fan fiction, the answer to all our problems she thought. It is a well known saying in the gay community. In real life- assume straight. In a fandom- assume gay. Thus Mel proposed we match make Rory with some of the slash fan fiction stars.

Identity Code: RORYBF001	Previous pairings: John Watson MBBS (Johnlock), Moriarty (Morlock), Dr Who (Wholock), Molly Hooper (this pairing has no colloquial name, due to it being inherently crap), The Woman.
Height: 6’0
Hotness factor: Infinite
Fandom: Sherlock
Comments: He can deduce me anytime. Strongly suggest Rory proposes now.

Identity Code: RORYBF002	Previous pairings: Arthur Pendragon (Merthur), Uther Pendragon (Incestuous foursomes may be an added bonus Rory), Gwen (ewww), Morgana (slightly less eww), The dragon (we don’t judge).
Height: 6’1
Hotness factor: Magical
Fandom: Merlin
Comments: We all know that magical powers are essential for anal sex of any kind. Have you not read any Drarry?

Identity Code: RORYBF003	Previous pairings: The Tardis (who cares about physical relationships anyway), Rose (it broke our hearts a little), Rory (see our Rory is already in- he like’s Rories), See comments, the list is too long to complete also SPOLIERS.
Height: 5’11.5
Hotness factor: Hello Sexy
Fandom: The Whoverse
Comments: He’s over 900 years old, think of all the time he’s had to perfect his technique. Also, they don’t call him lord for nothing- well hello SIIIR.

Report conclusion:

Mel proposes MERWHOLOCKRORY.....

Reports secondary conclusion: 

Fire Mel from Homojournal for being certifiably insane.

Goodnight folks, thanks for reading.

Mel

Where You go I Will go, Where you Stay I Will Stay

I'm a good little C of E girl. I bell ring and I sing in the church choir. Every year I get paid to help out at several weddings, here is some of what I have learnt.

1. The reading will always be ‘Love is patient, love is kind....’
2. The priest only prepares one sermon, which they will use for every single wedding in their entire career.
3. Brides wearing heels need to watch the floor; old churches have heating grates that like to eat people.
4. One of the hymns will always be Jerusalem.
5. They will always be between a man and a woman.

Points 1-4 I'm resigned to. Although, there’s a lovely passage in Ruth about what Love is, if anyone straight fancies breaking up the routine for me.  It’s point 5 I have an issue with.

My church has several gay members of the congregation and gay clergy men. One of these charming men came with me to a massive C of E conference to meet our local bishop. At this conference we were mixed up with strangers and split into groups. My group was lovely; we built a church out of pipe-cleaners and started brainstorming about how to bring the church forward. Unluckily for my gay clergy man, he sat next to a pillock who went on the entire time about how it was the churches responsibility to ban homosexuality. Had it been me, I would have dragged the homophobe up to the bishop by his ear, and demanded that the bishop pray for his immortal soul, or read aloud pretty much any of the new testament.

My priest (a woman if anyone is curious) once said to me that she would rather be punished when she died for supporting LGBTQ love, than be punished for condemning it. This seemed to her like good enough reason not to be a bigot. In contrast, one of the gay members of the congregation received a death threat from another member of the congregation, because he had been seen in public with his partner. If anybody is wondering what happened, the threatening letter was handed over to the police by my previous priest and the member of the congregation dealt with accordingly.

As an obviously, less than straight member of the congregation, I find these entire goings on quite concerning. What I’m trying to get across with these anecdotes, is that clearly the church is conflicted. The truly dedicated Christians, in my experience are the ones who will leave the judging to God. They are the ones who give the homeless- even though they may be alcoholic drug addicted whores- money on the street. They are the ones who can ignore passages of the bible that tell us to stone the unfaithful wives, those who’ve had sex before marriage and homosexuals. This has been my experience, but perhaps it is not true for everyone.

When we studied terrorism in philosophy, an interesting point was raised. Terrorists believe what they are doing is right, some believe they are doing the work of their God or Gods. But what if these extremists are misinterpreting their religion, how can we ever know if what they are doing is right? The bible, or any other religious text, doesn’t change depending on who reads it or when we read it. It’s a text or text that should be timeless. To claim it means one thing is to lessen that. To claim objectively that it means we should kill certain groups of people, or condemn them, is to restrict the religious text's applications to just that.

Leviticus, the chapter of the bible which speaks most famously about homosexuality, is also the chapter of the bible which condemns tattoos, shellfish and pork. Many homophobes forget that. I have always believed that the bible has these things in more as health warnings than anything else. I appreciate that Judaism upholds some of these laws very literally, but as a Church of England member, I have come to understand that eating shellfish in the times of the bible would have resulted in food poisoning. Gay sex, even now, has more health risks associated with it than straight sex. Some of this is a social stigma, but part of it is practicality. Back in the good old days, anal tearing would’ve killed you. Though, granted, the fear mongering and death penalty does seem a very extreme warning.

So you can see that religion has many different interpretations. My view is that good Christianity means not judging unless you are actually Jesus. So you can probably put 2 and 2 together and realise that as a bisexual I must support gay marriage. I’m lucky enough to live in England, which means that if I want I can get married in a registry office, and all the legalities of a normal marriage will apply. But to me, lack of a church wedding is the same as saying that our relationship isn’t worthy to be blessed in God’s house. A wedding is standing in church with the people you love and making a vow with God’s blessing. Why should that be any different if who you love isn’t a member of the opposite sex?

Wow, this has been a long post; I guess it’s something I feel strongly about. I used to picture myself married to a guy in my head. Though now I think that was more social conditioning than anything else. I once had a dream that Eli and I were getting married, and we had to find a church that had an isle wide enough for both our wedding dresses.  I’m worried that one day soon I’ll want to marry someone I love and be told ‘No, you can go to a registry office, God doesn’t want you here’.  

My God is a God of Love. Why should LGBTQ love be excluded from that?

Have fun,

Mel

xxx

He ruled figuratively, sadly not literally.

I would like to kick off Jubilee Week, a week celebrating our significantly successful Queen Elizabeth II's 60 year reign, by talking about who would have been better at the job.

Ah, the monarchy. No other institution has so much influence yet so little official power. They're like the hot, popular girl in your class; they carry a lot of weight when it comes to swaying public opinion, but they're unlikely to get any real legislation through.

Unless they liaise more closely with the faculty, if you catch my drift.

However, one group in society that they're not particularly influencing is, well, us. Despite a line of succession 20 long, not one single member has graced the British public with even a hint of homo-scandal. Granted, 8 of these people are under 16 (I'm not expecting Isla Phillips to be bi-curious before her 1st birthday), but still, that's 12 people, many of whom have lived very, very long lives, and the closest thing we've had to a gay royal is the rumour about Prince William.

But that's the present day monarchy: boring. 70~ish years ago, one royal was having much more fun.

Would you say no?

Prince George, Duke of Kent was the archetypal black sheep of a royal. Devilishly handsome and charming, he had little trouble wooing whomever he happened to have his eye on (apart from one particularly particular princess), and his sex, drugs and Charleston music lifestyle kept the PR department of the monarchy scurrying around like crabs on crack after him. He had a string of lovers male and female, including but not limited to Kiki Preston ("The Girl with the Silver Syringe" - the Paris Hilton of her day), his own distant cousin, Louis Ferdinand of Prussia, and flamboyant playwright  Noël Coward, with whom the Prince purportedly shared a 19 year relationship (a claim repudiated by Coward's long term boyfriend, but then again that's understandable, isn't it?).

The Prince wasn't a public relations nightmare in the 20's and 30's just because of who he slept with, either. At one point, a male prostitute attempted to blackmail the Prince with excerpts from some... romantic letters that the Prince had written, and on another the Prince was very nearly arrested for prostitution - while dressed in drag, an event that many of us would likely pay to have re-enacted. 

Now this would be our taxes at work.

It really is a shame that he was only 5th in line to the throne. If we could've somehow made the other 4 disappear (for various legal reasons I won't say how), we could've had an LGBTQ King. Just imagine how far ahead we'd be now in terms of sexuality equality if we'd had 20 or 30 or even 40 years of a flamboyant bisexual King reigning over us. We wouldn't even need this blog, because not being straight wouldn't be anywhere near as much of an issue. It'd be like having a blog written by 5 people with green eyes and their brown eyed mascot.

...on second thoughts, maybe old Liz isn't so bad after all.

I rather like writing for this blog.

As always, feel free to harangue us at homojournal@gmail.com, we're masochists like that.

Yours self-centredly,

James.

...I'm going to the Tower for calling our Queen "old Liz", aren't I?

How Not to introduce you gay lover to your parents…

Many say that a good, healthy relationship is one where you can be completely open with everyone, and one that you do not need to hide from people. Sure, you may get some kind of kick from hiding it, but for the most part, it will just end up tearing you up inside. You will end up having to hide your emotions around the house and will be unable to seek comfort when things go wrong. You will at some point have to lie to your beloved parents and you could lose their trust, if they ever find out about it all.

<3

But there are cases, when it is important that you do hide it, for example:

• If you are not self-sufficient, and risk being kicked out
• If being found out would put you in any sort of physical danger
• If it could lead to loosing your job (illegal in the UK I think…)

Ways in which you could hide your relationship

•  Lock your phone, password protect everything
• Avoid doodling their name on everything
• Swear that you two are just REALLY REALLLY good friends
• Always deny
• Don’t post about anything concerning your relationship on facebook, or any other social network site
• Delete your internet history
• Limit the amount of people that know. Only tell those you can trust to keep it a secret.
• Don’t show PDA
• Control when you are seen together in public
• Don’t talk about her/him more than you would any other friend
• Make sure your siblings don’t find out
• Keep your sex toys in a locked box.. and the lube.

Useful websites:

How to keep your parents from knowing you have a boyfriend or girlfriend

how to be in a relationship without your parents knowing

How to have a secret relationship

How to keep a boyfriend that your parents don't like

How to hide a girlfriend if your parents don't like her

how to hide a lesbian relationship

Other websites: 

How to have a healthy gay relationship

Information about gay men coming out of heterosexual relationships

Convince your parents to let you marry the girl of your choice

How to introduce your girlfriend to your parents

Taking your (gay) boyfriend home to meet your parents

Forum: How to introduce your boyfriend/girlfriend to your family

Video: how to introduce your (lesbian) girlfriend to your parents

...................................

To me, it appears that if you are in a situation at home, where you would be kicked out and your safety and comfort could be compromised, it may be best not to be in a relationship. I know, you lurrrveee him. But hard as it is to accept, we have to remember that teenage relationships don’t last forever, and you can have all that messing around, when you leave home (perhaps when you go to university), when you can find your own lgbt circle to support you and be there for you, if your parents disown you. Right now it’s too much of a risk. Self-preservation in the short term is the most important. Be patient.

That being said, I haven’t been in that situation. I can’t really judge. So I hope that all the websites I’ve listed are helpful to anyone that really needs it. 


eli x


ps, I have guest-slave in mind that I will hopefully be able to blackmail into writing a post about her cousin's experience... so will try to get that posted in the near future

Repent, heterosexuals!

As a bisexual, my life is quite a good one. I know the most obvious choice of topic to talk about this week is the "more choice" one, but I'm guessing that someone will have mentioned that by now, and, besides, it makes my sexuality sound like a McDonalds menu.

"Right, one same sex partner, one coke. That'll be £2.68."

However, that's literally all people can think of. Even Todostrieb had to take the theme to some rather unusual extremes to think of something to write. And that was what it was like with me; a few failed attempts to write something meaningful, followed by desperately trying to make LGBTQS into a word (I got QUEST if you add in U and E, but what on Earth would they stand for? Underestimated?). It was, in the end, a holiday with some of the Homojournalists (including Cretzal - more on that next week) that gave me the answer. And made me have to post late, but no matter.

I have never met a boring bisexual person, or a boring gay person, or a boring anything-but-S person.

Here's a Google Image result for "straight pride":

Oh my, the fun, the fun.

And here's one for "gay pride":

Feel free to make your own comparisons.

Now, unless you're one of those people who no-one likes, who like the quiet, the bland and the effortless, you know which one's better. I like loud, I hate bland (I douse my food in chilli), and I like excitement and difficulty and adrenaline. And that's why I feel lucky that I'm un-straight - due to the inherent riskiness and fabulousness of being LGBTQ, there's a much higher likelihood that LGBTQ people are much more similar to me, and will revel in the loud chaos of my parties, enjoy the lip-melting spiciness of my food, and will accompany me if I decide I want to climb that hill with an 89° incline. And that's the crux of the matter.

The main perk of being LGBTQ is being with other LGBTQ people, at least according to me.

As always, any complaints, criticisms or recipes involving more than 2 tbsp of chilli should be sent to homojournal@gmail.com,

Yours loudly,

James.

I should clarify: me and Cretzal broke up, and he hates loudness, spiciness and is generally lazy and fat and crap. He also seemed to think it's acceptable to have anal sex with your ex-girlfriend while still going out with your current-boyfriend. Repeatedly.

The Joys of Being Queer

Hello fello Queerdos...

I'm back posting on my normal day, woohoo! *starts dancing*
This week's theme, if you don't know already, is "the perks of being lgbtq..". So I, Eli, shall inform you about some of the perks of being queer!

In my mind, I'm cool like this...

UNO
Queer-ness, is the unwillingness to admit to a sexuality; it is to say: I am all of the above and sometimes not. The first perk you get, is choice. There are plenty of people in the sea.

But if you think about it, you have to subtract the ones that don't like your bait, and ones you don't want to attract.. and the ones that live in a completely different pond or sea or ecosystem, unless you move.. So the choice perk is confusing. I'm not one of them people that holds the capacity of wanting to bang everyone, and I think that gay, bi, straight - whatever you are, only you have the capacity to completely lust over a few people at the same time.

Take for example, being in a gangbang with 9 glisening muscly men. You may be physically attracted to them all, or you may not like the look of some, but still, you will have a select few that you like more than the rest of them. (not that you should be ranking your gangbangers.. you should probably be enjoying it, or calling for help if you don't... ).

Gangbang? No thanks..

Did I make my point clear? - I'm not sure. I have a headache, leave me alone.

DOS
Second perk... being able to be in a non-straight relationship (yes, we're talking girl-on-girl or boy-boy-what-you-call-it).  Jeff Murdoch, on the BBC series Coupling  said "being a lesbian all the advantages of being a man with less embarrassing genitals plus every time you have sex theres four breasts. Two guest breasts and two you can take home afterwards, oh its bloody brilliant."

Don't you want to use me?

It's wonderful. Girls are pretty, well, at least my girlfriend is (*boasts*), and there's no need for birth-control. As Mel pointed out earlier, you can't get your gay lover pregnant! Think of all the teenage fun you can have..

TRES
That brings us onto the third perk: Artificial insemination!! (If I chose to do it the gay way).
No normal straight couple will be able to feel the joy of sticking a turkey basen in your baking hole to create a two legged ball of cuteness. Hazzah! I look forward to it *stares at Mel* you're going first though.. I don't want to risk messing myself up... not that I think it'll be dodgy..... >.<

CUATRO
Knowing who you're REAL friends and family are... because if they can't accept you as the sexually confused strange being you are, why oh why will you want to hang around with them. If they can't accept, you're just forced to move on.

Which is easier to do, when they've kicked you out of the house, or have stopped talking to you.. Your real friends and family will stay by you, no matter what you are, and no matter what kind of thing they find out about you.

CINCO
Also, understanding. Being a minority, you'll find loads of amazing people on the edges of society who have refused to conform to the social norm and just shine... for example, look at us wonderful Homos..

Dammit, I'm the chubby mouse, aren't I ¬¬

SEIS
Sixthly, spreading awkwardness, and getting stared at in public. It's like being Madonna. It's fabulous.. *hides behind Mel*

SIETE
We homos can wave the rainbow flag! Also, gay bars, and Birmingham, and the PRIDE!!

Rub some gay on you...

....

I laugh at how each explanation gets shorter and shorter..

Send me all hate mail at homojournal@gmail.com

eli x

Not Coming Out Today

You can tell, I've been avoiding this week's theme. I've tried, for weeks to get this article done, it just never works. I just end up lost, half-way through a very long explanation about my family history.. and besides, I have an excuse: this past week, I've had exams EVERY SINGLE DAY. So in my desperation, I swapped with the guest post. (thank you darling Izzy).

 As my title suggests, I haven't come out, not in any proper sense, and I don't think I will. I blame this video here for it:

 

 It's from the youtube channel Onisionspeaks.

Basically, there's no point to coming out, because it doesn't matter. It doesn't make any difference to the other person what sexuality you are. Unless you want to bang them.


That makes sense to me. I don't want to bang my mother or father, so I haven't told them that I'm open-minded. It doesn't concern them.

I also don't want to share the relationshipy side to me with them, or anything sexuality-related, because I  don't want the favor returned. Although, that hasn't prevented my mother from sharing WAY too much. And I have borrowed her studded micro-skirt before..

At school, I think everybody knows I'm not in the straight-majority. Making out with my girlfriend in front of everyone has that effect...
I also have a strange fascination with questioning other people's sexuality, and questioning the difference between loving one gender and another. So that gave things away too.

I'm not "in the closet", I'm open to whomever asks, but I'm not going to sit people down, as though I have cancer, and utter the dreaded words.. "I'm GAY", because I don't know WHAT I am. There's no point saying "I'm not straight...". There's no fun in it.

eli x

The burden of being straight

I did not choose to be straight. Honestly. I was born this way. I never really had any doubts about it. I tried kissing girls, but it just wouldn't do it for me. For the longest time I avoided facing this reality, and it wasn't until the age of 11 or 12 that I started giving in to to the astonishing truth: I like guys.

When I told my mom she was not happy. Her daughter was suffering her own misfortune. She kept on trying to convince me I should be lesbian by saying stuff like "Girls are so much easier to deal with, guys will only break your heart, guys are all liars and only want sex". She is always complaining about guys and would rather know I'm with a girl rather than with a guy. But I can't help the way I feel!

Ok, so maybe I never had the obligation of "coming out" as straight, 'cause that is just what society expects you to be. Nevertheless, I technically did "claim it" with my mother as she would always make passing references to me having a boyfriend OR a girlfriend "because you know that would be alright too"; to which I would reply "no mother, I like guys, get over it". So even if I wasn't straight, I know I wouldn't have any problem telling my mom because she would be more than thrilled (she would honestly rather I was a lesbian). My father, on the other hand, might have been a different story. I'm not really sure what his feelings are on the matter but to be honest, I truly believe that one should never be forced to pretend to be someone else. I don't think I would've felt the need to tell anyone either; I mean, why should I "come out"? It is not my fault you assumed I was straight. If anyone asked whether I had a boyfriend I might have told them "no, I'm not interested in guys" and I may have made "hot girl" comments around my friends as I do about guys. I wouldn't hide who I am, I would make it blatantly obvious. I guess that is partly because I grew up with a mother who has always fought for human rights and taught me that we are all the same. I would spend my weekends playing with my mom's friends' kids: many of my mom's friends are gay. So I never ever thought of gayness as being wrong.

Obviously, as I am currently a homo-journalist, I have several gay/bisexual friends. One of whom is my best friend. Several had joked about him being gay, but I very much knew he liked girls while he had never expressed any interest in guys. When he finally accepted the truth and told me he was bisexual, I was not surprised, nor did I have any grand reaction. It was as if he had told me "I like chocolate". Of course this meant I asked him loads of questions on how he felt, when he figured it out, what he was going to do about it, etc. He knew that I would always be there to support him or give any advice if he ever needed it. I personally think being bisexual is amazing. It opens up a whole new world of opportunities! Many more fish available, too. Damn I wish I was bi...

As I have already said before, I don't consider myself to be 100% straight, because I don't think anyone really is. But I am sure of my sexuality. I have kissed girls, but it has never really meant anything. I don't feel what I feel when kissing a guy I like; it's just like kissing a friend. Then again, I've never really "liked" a girl. A kiss means nothing in itself, it is the feelings behind it that count. One day a friend of mine asked me "If you were interested in girls, which girl in the school would you want to go out with?" I spent a few minutes really thinking about that question, and at that moment I realised that I simply could not give her an answer. I wouldn't go out with any of them, and not only the girls in the school, but also the other ones I knew or even famous actresses. It is difficult to explain, perhaps it is like asking a vegetarian to pick between a sausage or a hamburger. I could even go as far as to have sex with a girl, but it would merely be an experience. If a girl asked me out and I said yes, it would just feel like hanging out with a friend and nothing else.

I realise this post is a little confusing (and written quite badly), but feelings are not really easy to describe and I just finished my exams, have been really distracted (if you don't know what I'm talking about refer back to "getting busy with my fetish") and am very tired, so my brain is not really working properly. You will have to forgive me. I will try to make it up to you next week!

Never hide who you are. Who really loves you will support you and if they don't then... are they really worth it?

Love,

Miu xx

P.S. Don't forget to e-mail us at homojournal@gmail.com for any questions, comments, request or if you are bored and have nothing better to do. We are available 24/7 (that is 24 minutes every 7 hours) so try your luck!

No worries... It will not make you blind

National Masturbation Month. When I found out about it I was astonished, "No way!" I exclaimed. I did not understand the reasons that may push someone to decide to dedicate a whole month to… what may be considered a regular habit for the majority of people. I though it might be something silly like the "steak and BJ day". So I researched (just a bit, the internet has too much of an infinite amount of information for me to be bothered to look for stuff) and actually, the reasons for the existence of this month are rather good. Apparently this celebration began in 1995 in San Francisco as a response to the forced resignation of then U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders. After a speech at the United Nations World AIDS Day in 1994, an audience member asked Elders about masturbation’s potential for discouraging early sexual activity. The answer was: “I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.” So the purpose of National Masturbation month is to protest against Elder's unjust fairing while at the same time encouraging people to talk about masturbation.

Remember, it is not just guys

Something that confused me about the previous posts this week is how my fellow homojournalists (except Mel of course) have not been masturbating due to exams (although I believe this is a lie). They say that we are way to stressed and have too little free time to… enjoy ourselves (literally). As the pictures wisely points out, masturbation minimises stress, so surely this is exactly one of those times when masturbation is more useful. It relaxes you and clears your mind out and it doesn’t even require that much time (faster than sex don't you think?).

I don't see anything wrong with that, do you?

Sure, masturbation is a personal and intimate matter and you would not want someone walking in on you, but so is sex and yet everyone talks about that (or maybe it is just us... huh, an eventuality I had not considered). The great majority of people masturbate, although men more than women. Now, why is that? Probably women are simply more prude and for some weird reason feel like masturbating is something to be embarrassed because it would make them dirty (some reminiscent from the ideal of virginity?). Well let me tell you something, dirty is the new hot, ESPECIALLY if you are a girl. I have yet to encounter a porn video on male-masturbation o.O ...and I hope I never do.  Furthermore, it is more difficult for a guy to make a girl cum than the other way around. This is because the nature of a female orgasm is different than that of a guy, reason why, as Mel pointed out, the existence of female orgasm actually needed to be discovered. It is also true, whether you know this or not, that female orgasm is also something to be learned (I know right!). Now by that I don't mean literally, but it is true that orgasms get better with maturity and habit. Many say that female orgasms need practice, and what better way than to explore oneself to find out what exactly you like? Everyone is different; you are the only one who can tell your man what you like so you too can have a (more than just) pleasurable experience.

If you are this prude girl who doesn't believe she needs to masturbate well, you are wrong. Let sex & the city teach you something and introduce you to: "the Rabbit"… just don't get addicted.

Due to explicit content I am unable to directly upload the video. But do WATCH it, it is worth it (for the ignorant: you are meant to click on "watch" to see the video but otherwise here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-RozcHd08k&feature=related )

Sorry for the short post, but unfortunately I have biology waiting for me… no not the fun one, the one you actually have to study on books, in school, that you have to take an exam… hmm, if you have a brain that feeds on innuendoes there is just no way of getting around this.

I will just like to add that I have concentrated on female masturbation for 2 reasons:

1- I am a girl
2- I believe guys don't really need any further encouragement

See you next week!

Love,

Miu xx

P.S. Don't forget to e-mail us at homojournal@gmail.com for any questions, comments, request or if you are bored and have nothing better to do. We are available 24/7 (that is 24 minutes every 7 hours) so try your luck!