BDSM for dummies

For the people who have always been curious, but too embarrassed to ever research this.

Dom: The person who inflicts the pain/pleasure and is in control. Otherwise known as domme (for female doms). Often given a nickname dependant on the level of the dom/sub relationship e.g. daddy or sir

Sub: The submissive, can be known as pet or slave, again dependant on the level of relationship.

Scene: A scene is a one time bdsm experience - it is possible to enact scenes with people you may not have an intimate relationship with.

Collaring: sub/dom pairs who do more than just the occasional scene may choose to literally put a collar on the sub, as a sign they are in that kind of relationship, normally used by more serious couples.

Munch: A meet up of many like minded people who want to meet potential new dom/subs or just socialise.

Sensation play: literally playing with the senses, normally involves cutting one off (such as using blindfolds) and different textures and temperatures, like ice and hot wax.

Edge play: the dangerous stuff: knives and blood basically  

Contract: despite its reputation for danger and abuse, the people who are serious about this lifestyle are normally very careful to ensure that all parties involved are safe; this sometimes involves a literal contract before, stating what will happen if things do actually go wrong

Soft limits: any experienced dom/sub will have a list of things they do and don’t like, just because you like some aspects of bdsm doesn’t mean you’re going to like them all. A soft limit is something you’re concerned about but would be willing to try given the right situation. For example a dom might be unwilling to try using proper whips until they felt they had adequate training.

Hard limits: things you would never consider. It’s an abuse of trust for a dom to break a hard/soft limit without prior permission.

Safe word: sometimes things do just get too much, a sub or even a dom can yell a word and everything will stop, at once. My favourites are physics related, no one will ever mistake “thermodynamics” as a cry of passion. When using gags often a bell can be used as a substitute for a safe word. NEVER PLAY WITHOUT A SAFEWORD READY!

Vanilla: refers to inexperience, such as a dom or sub new to the lifestyle. Can also refer to non bdsm relationships/sex, a dom or sub may choose to have 'vanilla' sex from time to time. 

Play safe my little readers,

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