Catch 22.

Finally, a subject we managed to all agree on. Except Miu and Rory, but, still, majority ruled. And it's no wonder Rory didn't vote for it, he couldn't even spell it correctly in the poll on Facebook.

What am I talking about, I hear you say/type? Why, celibacy, or "celibracy" as Rory puts it. Officially, our title for the week is "Celibracy [sic] - is there anything you would give up sex for?", one of the longer and more cumbersome titles we've had, but it'll do, and there's got to be loads to write about here!

...right?

My mind, 25 minutes after typing "...right?".

Ok, ok, so it's a little difficult for me to think of anything I'd give up sex for. I should point out at this point that, by "sex", I mean "any sexual activity", and by "any sexual activity", I mean "anything involved in and of the posts in Week 3, Week 6, Week 11, Week 12, Week 18 or Week 21 on this blog". As such, it's a little difficult, because that'd be a lot to give up.

Do I love anything that much? Does the charred, desiccated shell that passes for the emotional centre of my brain even contain that much love? I actually had to ask my parents what I loved/was addicted to the most, and they came up with the following suggestions:

1. Energy Drinks
2. Alcohol
3. Cruelty

"We do love you, we just think that you're a vindictive alcoholic whose body is so pumped full of chemicals that taking you into any one of 46 US states is a felony."

So, brushing off my parents' stark and harrowing portrayal of my everyday life, I set to work thinking: would I give up sex for any of these 3?

#2 was simple enough - no, because it wouldn't work. James + Alcohol = sex. It's the kind of thing others are usually ashamed of, but I'm of the opinion I'll only need to start being ashamed of it when my age begins with the digit "3" or I'm in a happy relationship and my partner's in another country to me. So, that rules out #2.

#3 is the same - it just wouldn't work. Hurting people is very exciting for me, so that'd defeat the point of the exercise, and the same goes for being hurt. Todostrieb's boyfriend pinched me hard enough to make me bleed when we were staying round one of our mutual friends' house, and the only thing that stopped me from jumping him was the idea that Todostrieb's torture would be a little more severe and likely involve a puppet called Billy. 

Todostrieb: "Would you like to play a game, James? Let's play a game called... "Never Have I Ever"..."
James: "NOOOOO!"

So, that's that out of the way. And then there was 1.

This is the only option I can really give consideration to. I mean, even though I'd be dead for weeks after giving up energy drinks, I'd get better, right? But couldn't the same be said about sex? I mean, I'd develop other hobbies, surely, crocheting, line-dancing, something. 

...and I've just seen the flaw in this plan. If I give up sex for energy drinks, I also have to give up alcohol and pain to make sure I don't break my contract, as it were.

I think I'll politely decline your offer, thanks.

Yours unrepentantly,

James.

Who am I kidding, I'm not sure I'd give up sex for breathing. Auto-erotic asphyxiation has its perks.