Mr Potter, Our New Celebrity

Tell me what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?

If you know the answer to that off the top of you head, stop reading now, turn off your computer and get a life. Here's a short clip for you, because there is absolutely nothing that is not sexy about Pf. Snape / Alan Rickman.

Anyway, our topic of the week is gay celebrities. In a strange twist of fate none of the actors in the Harry Potter films are openly gay (none that showed up in a google search anyway). Is this because of discrimination in the acting world? Maybe. Is this because actors are the best at hiding their sexuality with their mysterious wiles and ability to lie with their entire bodies? Maybe. Is it because roughly 10 % of the population are gay and there's only about 20 actors the average person can name in the film series? Most likely. I'd bet my money on some of the smaller roles being filled by our fellow LGBTs.

I did uncover some interesting rumours about Daniel Radcliffe's sexuality though. I always knew Harry and Draco were destined to be together. If only the slash pairings that existed online also existed in real life.

This brings me onto my main point.

Ben Whishaw is of course, the main point of life.

There’s a lively and ongoing internet debate about whether Whishaw is gay. The general supposition is that he is – based mainly on the fact that he gave an interview to the gay magazine Out not long ago. Whishaw, himself, though, isn’t saying anything.-The Telegraph

I don't see how I can be frustrated about his lack of public speeches regarding his sexuality (as I've managed to convince half the people I know I'm gay, a quarter that I'm straight, and a quarter that I'm bisexual) but somehow I am.

In his interview with OUT magazine (homojournalists may enjoy the website, which has interviews and ideas for venturing out of the house etc) he speaks about the importance of gay role models for young people. He goes on to speak about sexuality being a transitional thing, that he felt he was in the middle of at the moment. I promptly felt guilty for pushing him to chose a team...even though I have never contacted him in any way. Standing outside his house admiring his new curtains doesn't count as contact does it?

Anyway it occurred to me that all the stress we feel when coming out, is magnified hundreds of times if your famous. There's increased pressure to be a role model (so no stumbling drunk out of G-A-Y in the early hours of Saturday morning), and you don't just have to deal with the reactions of those close to you but also those on the other side of the world. Maybe actors as a breed are also more into self exploration etc? If you spend all day pretending to be somebody else, perhaps it takes a little longer to work out who you really are.

So in conclusion I will with great reluctance leave Ben Whishaw to his own devices. (OK I'll admit to the occasional google). But, if he and Daniel Craig were to get married, I would die of happiness. They may in addition to being one of my OTPs as Bond/Q also have made it to my list of real life OTPs as Whishaw/Craig.

I just want to eat him? Is that so wrong?

Lots of Love Mel

Ps// No post script today

All hail Your Royal Gaynesses

Perhaps this week is not the best week to admit that I'm not the greatest fan of the British Royal Family, nor am I the biggest patriot you will encounter. I've just never seen the point in them, apart from the mildly attractive, yet Ginger, Prince Harry, who can arrive on my doorstep any time he pleases. I'm also rather glad I was away in New York (which, by the way, was amazing, thanks for asking -more on that in a moment) during the Jubilee weekend; I got to miss it all. So perhaps it's rather ironic that I was the homojournalist who suggested this week's theme.

I stand by my opinions on the royal family - after 18 years of life, I still have no idea exactly what it is they do, aside from giving us extra bank holidays for weddings and Jubilees. And then I came to America, and I realised how much their royal highnesses are lived abroad. Suddenly, I began picturing myself as a member of the Royal family, and what I would have done if this were my diamond jubilee that the world is celebrating...

I couldn't help it, sorry :p

Now, before I continue any further, I need to introduce Troy to you all. Troy was (still is, I hope) a particularly attractive, rather cute and just generally adorable in every way, waiter at the restaurant next to the hotel I was staying at. My esteemed colleagues will vouch for me that, for pretty much the entire duration of my stay in the Big Apple, I have done nothing else but witter on about how awesome Troy is, and how I want to marry him. That and checking in on Facebook to Central Park and the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State building, and various other New York attractions. I digress.  You'd be forgiven for thinking that I have lost the plot completely, what has an attractive waiter in central Manhattan got to do with my reign? Well, therein lies the answer, for Troy is no longer a waiter in New York City; he and I are happily married and shall be King and King of the universe and all shall answer to us.  (By the way, if by some happy coincidence Troy is reading this, I really hope you a) are gay, b) know who I am and c) accept that we're now happily married and supreme rulers if the universe.)

My lovely husband and I are now celebrating 60 years as supreme emperors/kings of the universe, and all of creation, including the Dalek/Time Lord time war, have a couple of days off to celebrate our glorious reign, much to the displeasure of the economy of life and George Osbourne. Here's what we've done over the past 60 years:

• Ended the 40 year war on homophobia
• Issued all homophobes with an immediate death sentence
• Legalised homosexuality across the cosmos
• Not let David Cameron or George W. Bush Jr. into office
• Forced David Tennant to return to the TARDIS
• Changed the currency of the universe to Jelly Babies and Vodka
• Brought Dumbledore and Snape back to life
• Banned Twilight and Justin Bieber
• Forced Steven Moffat to hurry up with season 3 of Sherlock
• Exterminated Cancer and HIV/AIDS
• Introduced cheap London Heathrow to New York JFK flights so that Troy can go and visit his parents and I can go and empty 5th Avenue as many times as I wish
• Declared Fish Fingers and custard as the national dish of the Earth
• Made all cities as easy to navigate as midtown Manhattan 
• Made all tube maps as easy to understand as the London Underground map
• Declared the Empire State Building as our palace and Central Park as our front garden (the Hogwarts grounds are already our back garden)
• Erected (hehehe) the Statue of Liberty in said front garden
• Declared the 31st of May as a universal bank holiday (the day I first met Troy ♥) 
• Ordered all theatres to offer free tickets to shows on Broadway/equivalent on Friday evenings
• Defied gravity

And here's how Troy and I want our jubilee celebrated:

• Plenty of dancing naked men
• Free alcohol for all
• Lots of food
• Clones of ourselves to take on our official duties while we lie on an empty beach somewhere in the Caribbean making love to each other... And also to Moriarty, if he feels up to it. 

That doesn't look like he's going to say no.

Yours Royally,
Kings Rory and Troy
Emperors of the Universe, Joint First Lords of Everything, creators of the supreme Time Lord race, the only people alive who still know the exact location of Platform 9 3/4

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Whips And Chains Excite Me.

Ahh fetishes, my old friends. From abasiophilia to zoosadism and everything in between, it seems that in the world of sex, anything goes. Who are we to judge if a large percentage of serial killers get their jollies from -umm there’s no graceful way to say this- piss and shit? And who’s to say that spending time as a table or chair for your master isn’t a valid use of an afternoon?

I have one general rule when it comes to sex: I’ll try anything once.

Of course there are a few exceptions. Anything that is unhygienic and messy to the point of death I’d be reluctant to try. Animals? No thanks. Shit? No way. And obviously anything involving unplanned noncon or minors is a big no no.

And then of course there are the things that I might be up for but would have no desire to discover I actually enjoyed. I don’t particularly want to know if autoerotic asphyxiation is one of my kinks. Where do I go afterwards? There are some things I am probably better off not knowing about myself, lest I get carried away one day. Let’s just say I have enough fetishes to be going on with, without anything involving near death experiences, murder or cannibalism.

Are fetishes normal? ABSOLUTLEY! Even middle aged housewives have fantasies and certain kinks. One of my aunts imagines Edward Cullen while she and her slightly-balding overweight husband are doing the nasty. I cannot approve of a Twilight fetish, but I have nothing against teeth in general.

Now for your entertainment (drum-roll please) some of the slightly less normal fetishes. I am addicted to everything Sherlock Holmes; the films, the TV series, the novels. I even find the actors....well, down right sexy. Whilst idly wasting my time on Tumblr one fine evening, trying not to revise, I found a blog called  Dirty Sherlock Secrets, which sounded tempting. Now, I try not to judge my fellow fangirls too harshly, after all, a relatively large portion of my time is spent reading porn and watching it; but some of the confessions on this website just made me laugh whilst others made me want to weep for what mess humanity has been reduced to.

I thought this was really sweet until I read the last line. My poor poor innocent eyes.

Although...I must confess that I still follow this blog with the same horrible fascination that provokes me to pick scabs, poke bruises and look at roadkill.

Another fetish I struggle to wrap my head around is large age gaps. I’m all for the older woman...or man. A little silver hair is hot. A few wrinkles look wise. I draw the line at Dumbledore porn.

I read FanFiction (Oh God I’m a nerd help me). I will happily whittle away time reading Harry & Draco pairings, Harry & Hermione, Sirius & Remus....in fact I may as well say that I do not judge when it comes to fictional couples, threesomes, foursomes and moresomes. EXCEPT...I will never ever read a story that pairs Harry and Dumbledore together in a sexual way. Seriously. Who would enjoy reading about what must be statutory rape, an abuse of trust and a skinny, wrinkly, bearded old man?

Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me sir?

I also want to say, that, despite my obsessions (ok...ok...I admit fetishes) for the Dr Who, Harry Potter and Sherlock fandoms, I do not get off on imagining people who don’t actually exist. Alas, I am partially a rationalist, if I ever tried to imagine getting down and dirty with Buffy the vampire slayer, the sheer hilarity of the situation would soon distract me from my goal.

Now, back to the relevance of this post to the homo-journal. As far as I’m concerned, being bi-sexual opens up a whole new world of fetish and kink opportunities to you. I can actually enjoy all parties in a mixed gender threesome, and experiment with any other advantages the male and female physique have to offer me.

A word to the wise though, being caught up against a tree in a park is just plain embarrassing.

Whips, chains and hot candle wax to all my readers.

Love, Mel.

PS. It was night-time.