Top Tips for meeting guys and girls..

This week's topic is.. again, harder than I thought it would be.. It's not as tho I am sitting here surrounded by my harem of hundreds of girls. I am alone.

You'd probably get better advice asking this guy.

Advice no.1: Check around you
If you're at school, college, uni, or work, there might be someone around you who has possibilities.. Maybe there's a gay-straight alliance or a lgbt society?

If there isn't (have you really looked hard enough?) the only two tips I could think of at the moment was:

Advice no.2: Get yourself out there

Join a club, a community, anything that will get you meeting new people, and increase your possibilities. It'll be great, because the people you meet will have the same sorts of interests as you... unless you join a club that you're not interested in... Also: you won't magically meet new girls/guys if you lay in bed all day wondering why you haven't met anyone yet. 

If all else fails, try online!

There are hundreds of online dating websites, for example: Gaydar, Gaydar Girls, Pink sofa... In which you can write up a personal profile, and browse other people's profiles to see if you find anyone you like (see websites for more details on how they work). There are also social network websites, such as: Facebook, Tumblr, Gaiaonline, youtube, in which you can get talking to people casually and get to know them... and maybe have it lead to more :D 

For the most part, if you want to meet people, you have to be somewhat active. If you don't want to be active, you shouldn't be moping about not meeting people. *rants*

anyhoo, hopefully I can be more helpful next week,

eli x

ps, no matter what, whether it be sex, buying popcorn, or talking to people online, always remember to be safe :D

They say she turned straight

There's an article in the Daily Mail, about a woman that went from:

this, 

To this. 

If you type the words "I want to be turned straight" into Google, countless search results pop up, with desperate people trying to find a way out of who they are.

I take this as an indicator that homosexuality and bisexuality is something that you are born with, or something that happens, not something you choose. But in this article, the ex-lesbian states that dating women was a "choice" and not something that just happened. There was a controversy a few months back when a public figurehead stood up and announced her lesbianism was a choice. 

Perhaps this means that to some, choosing homosexuality is a choice, and to those for whom it is a choice, it may be possible to reverse that choice. However, to others, to whom it is not a choice, it could be mentally damaging to try to go-straight. My mother's friend Janet (I think) has had years of counseling due to psychological damaged caused by fanatical christian anti-homosexuality camps she was forced to attend as a teenager by her parents.

Then of course, there are some that choose to live a lie.

They say: "you can only be truly happy if you accept who you really am", but what is happiness?

"The temptation to lie to yourself, to go on living a lie, is overwhelming.."

For me personally, I think she (in the Daily Mail story) looks better as a lesbian. But I'm not the type to find the average marital bliss attractive. I think people who say that they had a choice are in fact bisexuals *shrugs*, but I am pretty much ignorant in these subjects.. again.. 

I don't think you can change who you are.. "It doesn't hurt to try it" is often a lie.. Often times if you stick with it, things get better. Especially being gay :)

see ya next Thursgay, 

eli x

ps, feel free to comment and message us :D

Jelly Willies Review

The Ann Summers Food Review continues, and for me, it was the Jelly willies, a rainbow of gummy penises and peni...

Name of the good 4/10

I suppose as a little known brand and good, it may be a hood idea to have a name that states exactly what the good is “Jelly Willies”… 

It wasn't very spreadable :/

However, it is more of a misleading product description than a name, as it is more of a gummy-sweet than what you would imagine Jelly to be. One might even wonder whether it is false advertising, but I will forgive them, because there is gelatine in the sweet.

The definition of Jelly “A sweet, clear, semisolid, somewhat elastic spread or preserve made from fruit juice and sugar boiled to a thick consistency.”

Packaging 3/10

Whose idea was it to put a mutant diseased blob on the front of the box?

It put me off.

Price 7/10

I paid £3.00 for this, and compared to a pack of Haribos costing £1.00(which gives you a far greater quantity of gummy-sweets, and they taste better), I felt a little cheated by this.

However studying business and economics have taught me a few things as to why they can(/may have to) charge a higher price:

1)      The products are differentiated (the jelly-willies are penis shaped), so they don’t have to compete on price.

2)      They are also operating in different markets, Haribos for the sweets and sugar industries we buy them merely to snack and to enjoy the taste, whereas the Jelly-willies operate in the novelty/jokes industry.

3)      Haribos are a much larger company, and produce at a larger scale, so can benefit from economies of scale, so their marginal costs are lower, and so can charge a lower price.

4)      Laws of demand and supply..

So basically, penises are funny, so we buy them.

Looks  8/10

It's not very realistic, but we should give them credit for capturing colour-diversity and the fact that nobody's perfect... just look at all these mutated ones... 

What do you think?

Also, they're cute! I would buy a necklace with them on... 

Taste 6/10

The sweets come in a variety of colors, each with their own flavorings.The taste of the willies was generally ok, however it  wasn’t as great as harribos or fruits pastels. I liked the red strawberry flavoured ones, but hated the orange and the green ones… But that’s also my preferences with fruit pastels, so I won’t deduct points for that.

The main reason for the low score for the taste, is the texture. Frankly, I was disappointed, and quite put off by them. The penises were too soft. They needed to be harder. Please put more gelatine in it next time..

But then perhaps it was done purposefully? On one hand, it may be more pleasant and tasty for the willies to be chewier, or instead be a hard-boiled willy sweets. But maybe people object to having hard penis sweets? I’ve heard of penis shaped lollies, but not boiled sweets… 

Do I see a gap in the market? What do you think guys, should we go for this business opportunity?

Humour 7/10

It was funny at the beginning, asking friends “would you like a penis?” and then flashing my jellied willies, but after a while, the humour of it goes, and I became the sad girl with a box of jellied willies on her nightstand. I still have loads left over, as evident in the pictures date-stamped with today’s date.. (Sorry, I mucked up my camera settings)

Sexiness? 0/10

Food play involving the jellied willies? NO. Just no. I would run. Firstly, there’s a graphic of a green STD penis on the front.

sexyyyyy

Secondly, you’re not supposed to stick sugary stuff “up there”, because you can get a yeast infection. As “cute” as these sweets may appear, they can be nasty.

But Eli, food play isn’t all about sticking food “up there”, you could lick/ eat the penises off each other…

…………..No…………. *shakes head slowly*

Over-all 5/10

Yes, this is a wonderful, brilliant product, for the first few minutes (or seconds) after purchase, or after receiving as a gift. It is funny. 

However after that, the humor and novelty of it quickly runs out. I doubt I'd go and buy it again...

Well, after all that work, I've put into this post, I'm tired now, so I shall go relax with my pot of tea and my leftover willies from the photoshoot. ta ta 

Eli x

ps, We welcome comments and emails and other means of communication... and of course we will happily reply to them eventually :) So.. yus.. email us! 

*feels awkward*

Not Prince Poppycock, but Prince Charles!!

Ah, Prince Charles, eldest son of our great Queen, and our next King-to-be... After hearing his speech, addressed to his mother at the end of the Jubilee Concert, and listening to the delightful way in which he said "Jolly Good", I realised.. our homojournal needs a Prince Charles Collage! So here is is:

Prince Charles in many shades of glory

Yes, I created this monstrosity, and yes, this took forever. I shall have to have it printed, poster-style, and stick it on my wall, as a reward for all the effort... *sighs* The things I do for you...

Some videos 

The Jubilee speech that started this whole post:

Our weather forecast:

How we'd travel to Ann Summers and Harmony:

How to contact him

...for those of you who want to know:

For the Royal Google Maps

According to his website, his official place of residence (along with Margret and his princes') is Clarence house, in London. You can write a letter to the address:

Clarence House, London, SW1A 1BA.

The website also allows you to email/ inquire using the site, but don't expect a personal reply :/

On google maps, there's a telephone number attached to the house description: 020 7766 7303

Who knows? It might work!

Eli x


You know the drill, feel free to email us, and comment, and give us loads and loads and loads of feedback, so we can improve and become better homojournalists :)

How Not to introduce you gay lover to your parents…

Many say that a good, healthy relationship is one where you can be completely open with everyone, and one that you do not need to hide from people. Sure, you may get some kind of kick from hiding it, but for the most part, it will just end up tearing you up inside. You will end up having to hide your emotions around the house and will be unable to seek comfort when things go wrong. You will at some point have to lie to your beloved parents and you could lose their trust, if they ever find out about it all.

<3

But there are cases, when it is important that you do hide it, for example:

• If you are not self-sufficient, and risk being kicked out
• If being found out would put you in any sort of physical danger
• If it could lead to loosing your job (illegal in the UK I think…)

Ways in which you could hide your relationship

•  Lock your phone, password protect everything
• Avoid doodling their name on everything
• Swear that you two are just REALLY REALLLY good friends
• Always deny
• Don’t post about anything concerning your relationship on facebook, or any other social network site
• Delete your internet history
• Limit the amount of people that know. Only tell those you can trust to keep it a secret.
• Don’t show PDA
• Control when you are seen together in public
• Don’t talk about her/him more than you would any other friend
• Make sure your siblings don’t find out
• Keep your sex toys in a locked box.. and the lube.

Useful websites:

How to keep your parents from knowing you have a boyfriend or girlfriend

how to be in a relationship without your parents knowing

How to have a secret relationship

How to keep a boyfriend that your parents don't like

How to hide a girlfriend if your parents don't like her

how to hide a lesbian relationship

Other websites: 

How to have a healthy gay relationship

Information about gay men coming out of heterosexual relationships

Convince your parents to let you marry the girl of your choice

How to introduce your girlfriend to your parents

Taking your (gay) boyfriend home to meet your parents

Forum: How to introduce your boyfriend/girlfriend to your family

Video: how to introduce your (lesbian) girlfriend to your parents

...................................

To me, it appears that if you are in a situation at home, where you would be kicked out and your safety and comfort could be compromised, it may be best not to be in a relationship. I know, you lurrrveee him. But hard as it is to accept, we have to remember that teenage relationships don’t last forever, and you can have all that messing around, when you leave home (perhaps when you go to university), when you can find your own lgbt circle to support you and be there for you, if your parents disown you. Right now it’s too much of a risk. Self-preservation in the short term is the most important. Be patient.

That being said, I haven’t been in that situation. I can’t really judge. So I hope that all the websites I’ve listed are helpful to anyone that really needs it. 


eli x


ps, I have guest-slave in mind that I will hopefully be able to blackmail into writing a post about her cousin's experience... so will try to get that posted in the near future

Not Coming Out Today

You can tell, I've been avoiding this week's theme. I've tried, for weeks to get this article done, it just never works. I just end up lost, half-way through a very long explanation about my family history.. and besides, I have an excuse: this past week, I've had exams EVERY SINGLE DAY. So in my desperation, I swapped with the guest post. (thank you darling Izzy).

 As my title suggests, I haven't come out, not in any proper sense, and I don't think I will. I blame this video here for it:

 

 It's from the youtube channel Onisionspeaks.

Basically, there's no point to coming out, because it doesn't matter. It doesn't make any difference to the other person what sexuality you are. Unless you want to bang them.


That makes sense to me. I don't want to bang my mother or father, so I haven't told them that I'm open-minded. It doesn't concern them.

I also don't want to share the relationshipy side to me with them, or anything sexuality-related, because I  don't want the favor returned. Although, that hasn't prevented my mother from sharing WAY too much. And I have borrowed her studded micro-skirt before..

At school, I think everybody knows I'm not in the straight-majority. Making out with my girlfriend in front of everyone has that effect...
I also have a strange fascination with questioning other people's sexuality, and questioning the difference between loving one gender and another. So that gave things away too.

I'm not "in the closet", I'm open to whomever asks, but I'm not going to sit people down, as though I have cancer, and utter the dreaded words.. "I'm GAY", because I don't know WHAT I am. There's no point saying "I'm not straight...". There's no fun in it.

eli x

Gay-Bashing-Tastic

Ah, the joys of being gay bashed… being called fag, pervert, queer, faggot, gaylord… and irrationally beaten.. it definitely has to be one of the perks of being gay. It’s why so many people choose to be gay or lgbtq: the hating and the abuse.

*sighs*

Mostly, homophobia and extreme homophobia is a result of pure ignorance. Perhaps we should inform them each time they’re mean, pull out your the Joys Of Being Gay A-Z Guide, and follow them relentlessly. This works the best if you can manage to sneak up on them while they’re in the school loo cubicles. Just whisper through the walls…

If that doesn’t work, we need to get onto Plan B: a big school assembly, where we show straight anal sex, gay anal sex, and lesbian strap-on anal sex videos, to show that everything is as grim as each other, why discriminate?

Obviously, a very relevant picture.. I did't just add it here because I liked it...

Although, in hindsight, that might not be as good an idea as I’d imagined when I came up with it. It’ll probably get me expelled, or suspended… then I would be forced to go into the porn industry to earn my livings, or worse, I may end up in McDonalds. I shall have to reconsider.

I, personally, like other homojournalists, haven’t had much experience with gay-bashing. The only person who I’ve remotely been gay-bashed by would be my younger brother, but he stopped when I said to him one day “I think I might be gay…” . Though the stoppage may be because we’re no longer on speaking terms…

My point is, the shouts of “GAY” and “FAGGOT” doesn’t seem to be intentionally a homophobic hate crime, its just as stupid as the shouts of “FUCK OFF”.. the swear words don’t really make sense. As was mentioned earlier, just laughing at them works, although, I sometimes fear that that technique led to me reverse-psychologically-bullying my brother. Personally, I love the word gay, it's a very joyous and colourful word, saying "..and PROUDDD!" in a sing-song voice with a bit of swagger (you know what I mean... if not, you disappoint me), may be an idea, why be ashamed? Questioning it also amuses me.. “what is a faggot? Who is off? Do you think I’d fancy him or her? Maybe I’d fuck her…”.

JennaMarbles youtube vid "How to avoid talking to people you don't want to talk to", will be useful to you guys.. her technique definitely can be applied here.

I haven't really addressed the violence, I don't know whether I can; but I have been midget-bashed before. I was blessed with shortness. I found that the more I fought it (and I was a very violent midget), the more they seemed to get a thrill out of the bullying. Even though I kicked, scratched and punched them, and they bled, they still came back. Perhaps it’s the adrenaline rush? I have no idea. But as soon as I stopped fighting it, and just stood there with a bank look on my face every time, they soon got bored and found their next victim to play with.

CCTV footage :'(

So for petty gay-bashing:

1. Be in your own world, don’t acknowledge them. Just stand there, and show them no sign of being distressed, or bothered by it
2. Laugh at them, to yourself.. . but only if you want to annoy them. Be careful. I have had a knife pointed at me once due to this..
3. Pull a weird face, like in the jennamarbles' vid

And if you’re feeling adventurous, lean forward, whisper in their ear “people tend to go through a really homophobic phase, right before they finally accept they’re gay, and come out”, and proceed to drag them into the nearest closet. They’ll run, or might get to have fun <3

For serious gay-bashing, when these people look REALLY dodgy, just try to get the hell away, as soon as possible.

You don't want to end up like one of the many bashed and dead. Type in "gay-bashing" into google images. Its horrifying.

Eli x

Comment me your favorite ones, it will make life less dull, and help me procrastinate. Don't forget to subscribe and message us, on homojournal@gmail.com

A guest post from lav

Finally, I have a chance to introduce myself, my name is Lavender. Eli may have mentioned having an alter ego at 13, well Lavender was mine. I'm not yet 18, but I'm definitely getting closer. I honestly didn't think I'd have a chance to blog on the all mighty homo-journal though I confess I've been here all along.

I'm the stand in for anyone who may have been abducted for the day. Don't worry I don't count on it happening very often. It deffo seems like Cretzal’s been kidnapped  :o I tried to write this in advance to the theme of a particular week but I didn’t and now I just feel pressured in saying something! Anything as long as it has the words stereotypes in it. What would the world be like without the word stereotype, stereotyping, or stereotyped! It can’t be. A new word will take its place. Besides I think you could look at it from any direction everyone will have a different opinion. Most are glad and wouldn’t like to deny who they’ve been “classified” as; they want a title, a group they think they belong to, and people they have things in common with. I think I’d be classified as half normal, in that stage where I can be majorly spazzy and then just a tad fantabby tastic, spaztastic ;) But then if I were to be compared with other people then I’d be the NORMAL one. NORMAL- wouldn’t you rather be weird, someone with a personality, classified as “unique!”

There’s also that huge bad gut feeling most people get when they think about the word stereotyping. The people who have been put into a category and hate it, get bullied, being called names. It’s one of the worst attract to being stereotyped. Do you really get a choice? Or even a say on what other people think or say about you. I guess I would tell those people: someone wise once told me that if you’re proud of whom you are, then what other people stereotype you as should keep you standing, head held high, because they have just described that person you’re happy to be, that person you’re proud of. Be yourself, because there is a 99.999...% chance that someone out in that big blue and green planet is just like you and loves who you are. If you can’t imagine it, then think bigger, the universe needs someone like you. Someone they can finally classify as UNIQUE! (For real this time).

That’s the END of this stereotypical week. Did you just see what I did there? Oh I forgot to mention that I'm not very funny on paper, soz... I think I got through my first post with a reasonably good amount of stuff- it was a bit like being on TV, except the going back and being able to change what you say... although I can’t think of what I could have said if I erase what I have said. Hmmm, the conundrum of having said utter rubbish.

I didn’t mention my sexuality, urm...well you can guess! I’ll just give you my opinion at the end of the week.

Lav xxx

Eli-types

Finally, the time has come for me to be allowed to introduce myself:

Hola, Eli is my chosen name... I used to be elizabth, when my friends and I had a "Victorian/posh-alter-ego" phase, aged 13, but that has passed now. (now I'm 17 and allllll grown up >.< - clearly. ha.)

Normally I'd claim to be the most totally-innocent person in the world, but be secretly the most macabre and vulgar of our acquaintances, but thinking about our 'group', both are likely to be far far far from the case. Unless you haven't realized already, I will say it: we, not just us on our joyful Homo-journal, but our group of friends, are not reflective of the general population. We are all IB students, or survivors, and a high percentage of us are lgbt.. thats before I mention our clothes, our openminded-ness and what we do in our spare time. I think we allow ourselves to be more strange..

Although one of our group (a non-IBer, *shakes head* 'tis typical), told me I was weird, because my conversations tend to revolve around sex and death.. I'm a budding criminologist (is budding even a word?), if that counts as an explanation. I also have a dark sense of humor, and I feed off of other's awkwardness.. *shrugs* I'm an older sister, what do you expect?

I think stereotypes are pretty boxes, it's our way to categorize all the information we get. There are so many people in the world, that they appear so much easier to deal with if you put them in little categories, detailing their 'average behavior'. The problem is, human beings are too complex, and the more boxes you have, the harder it is to categories people, because Ms fatty is just spilling over into other boxes. My sexuality for example.. My friend S will vouch the fact that before I identified as queer (Aka, refuses to sit in a box), I was running around like a maniac, one box to another, because they didn't feel right, and I suffer from 'the grass is greener on the other side' syndrome. But queer is just what I use. Others can categorize me how they like: they can say I'm a lesbian (I'd prefer 'gay', I hate the word lesbian), because I have a girlfriend, or could say that I am bi, because I previously have had boyfriends. It doesn't make a difference to who I am, just makes it easier for them to deal with me.

That's how criminal profiling works right? 'we think the killer is strong because of the way he has strangled all of his victims..' and then they see if they can narrow down their suspects into categories 'to weak to even pick up sausages', 'flabby, but can obviously pick up large amounts of food', 'muscles!'...

So, to me, stereotypes are boxes. My favorite.. Ohhh, I don't know. I love it when people fit them completed, as much as when they completely don't. I also love the 'ignorant homophobes' them ones that don't really know better. I love the awkwardness >.<


I decided to try map out our homojournal stereotypes, and then get mel to illustrate for me, to prove stereotypes are not always correct :)

here goes:


(notice how I got bored.. and so it's not totally filled out... (sorry >.<)

So, this is the illustration by mel:



Oh no :/// it looks a tad too reflective.
Perhaps I can get away with this by saying that urm... we're all sitting in a perfectly fitting box, and it's great that we managed to create this box forourselves where we don't spill out too much? I mean, look at it, it doesn't have me eating sushi, or rollerskating, or attacking mel...


Eli x

Comment me your favorite ones, it will make life less dull, and help me procrastinate. Don't forget to subscribe and message us, on homojournal@gmail.com