Dessert + Sex = Heaven

First of all I would like to apologise for not posting yesterday (because it is 1:30am). As Eli nicely explained, we experienced some technical difficulties (by that we mean I was abducted by an evil monster which I have now killed, but the government said this was classified information so ssshhh it's a secret). I also wanted to point out that Saturday the 23rd was the 100th anniversary of Alan Turing (Google was very entertaining on this day). You may be wondering why this matters, so let me enlighten you. Alan Turing was, not only one of the greatest intellects of the 20th century, but also a practicing homosexual. This was illegal in the UK at the time, and lead our dear Alan to commit suicide, following his conviction for "gross indecency". This is also a reason why Turing's work was not fully recognised or published until after homosexuality was decriminalised. I find it a very sad story, and one cannot help but wonder what else he could have achieved if he had lived his life naturally (and by that I mean if he had not killed himself not if he were straight). Nevertheless, this is also a reminder that, although there are still struggles and issues surrounding homosexuality, there has been a lot of progress since Turing's time. Now before I get into some sobby speech about hope and equality, let's get on with the theme.

Unfortunately I was not able to go to Ann Summers with my fellow homojournalist, because that day I was called to stop a meteor which very nearly destroyed our lovely planet (once again, it's a secret). Therefore I had to use something I had already purchased from the same Ann Summers: Body Paint, not exactly a sweet but close enough (I like being a rebel).

Report Summary

Number of items: 2
Item(s) reviewed: Body Paint
Flavour: - Nookies & Cream
                - Chocolate
Purchased from: Ann Summers
Price: £5 I think?
Use:  Perfect for getting creative and adventurous in the bedroom. Scribble your masterpiece all over your partner's body and then slowly lick it off. It's romantic, fun and delicious (according to Ann Summers).
Evaluation: See below for further details .
Rating: Nookies & Cream --> 7/10 or 8/10 … I'm an indecisive person
              Chocolate --> 3/10
Further information: Two words, Whipped Cream. Easy and affordable (can be found in any supermarket) and no one will judge you for buying it. It gets a full 10/10. Yummy and Fun.

I will not go through the bother of giving different ratings for different "things" about the product as my colleagues did, mostly 'cause I'm lazy and disorganised (and very bad at rating stuff so be warned), so let me just give you an overview of my findings and my very personal opinion (no, I will not be reporting the "experiment", just my conclusions).

Nookies and Cream

Although I am still not sure about WHAT flavour "Nookies" is (if it is not a pun then I do not wish to know), the picture shows Oreos and I love Oreos. Does it taste like Oreos? Now here is where my (in)capacity to judge food shows… I don’t really know. I'm not good enough to identify the specific "Oreo" flavour but it definitely has some chocolate and cream in it (unfortunately I do not have the product with me so I cannot taste it again or check the ingredients list). Nevertheless I believe it has a very pleasant taste. The texture makes it lose a few marks, simply for the fact that it is relatively sticky, messy and difficult to get completely off. Having said so, it offers a good excuse to either lick it off slowly and thoroughly (sexy) or take a nice shower with your partner (very sexy). It is fun to play with and simply makes everything taste better. It must however be handled with care, and keep in mind its purpose!  Things could easily get out of hand and totally UNsexy.

Chocolate

I love chocolate, I really do, and that is why this was a total disappointment. The flavour! Where to start? Definitely not chocolate! It tastes very artificial, chemical, like plastic. A real let down that has nothing to do with my lovely chocolate. But I must say, maybe the flavour isn't even the worse part. It is a lot more liquidy than it's cousin (Nookies and Cream) and a billion times more sticky! This means it will get everywhere and never come off! It is unpleasant to taste AND to have on your skin; I might even say that it isn't even worth the shower… but I won't 'cause that would be blasphemy and showers are always nice. It is vaguely entertaining if that's all you got, but I definitely do NOT recommend it.

Whipped Cream

Not from Ann Summers and not being reviewed, but I felt the need to dedicate a few lines to it. It is very widely used for various things; he is a simple guy, but with great potential. Tastes good and let's face it, everyone has fun squirting it (appropriate for the situation don't you think?). Just saying, it is less messy then the body paints and way more fun, though you can mix it up with one of the flavours.

Sorry if I kept it short, but I didn't want to get carried away and reveal secrets that should be kept in the bedroom ;)

Love,

Miu xx

P.S. Don't forget to e-mail us at homojournal@gmail.com for any questions, comments, request or if you are bored and have nothing better to do. We are available 24/7 (that is 24 minutes every 7 hours) so try your luck!