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| This is me. You may recognise me from such films as Toy Story 1, 2 and 3. |
In my head Eli is a Japanese version of Mulan. I am Belle. Although,
granted I only decided on Belle because she is the nerdiest princess. I tried
to find a picture to illustrate our princessness but am now scarred for life,
tip don’t Google the word lesbian in front of your childhood heroes. In reality
I will look more like a potato standing next to Megan Fox....I guess what I’m
trying in my roundabout way to say here is that my Prom preparations are much
the same as last time round, when I didn't have a date female or otherwise. The
only difference is I have shorter hair so the up-do is no longer a necessity
and that when my extended family ask if I have a date I stretch the truth a
little. I find “No I don’t have a boy friend at the moment” is a nice skirting
of the having a girlfriend part of my life.
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| Doing it the Essex way. Luckily my bitch haircut saves me from the chaviness. |
Now, as for my close family, I cheerily admitted going to
prom with Eli. My mum said this was the only way I’d be able to look a normal
size, when all the other girls will be wearing heels and all the guys I know
are now taller than me. My dad told me to make sure I took lots of pictures. A
few of us are staying at Eli’s house, so we’re all getting ready together. Not
many girls can say their partners advised on make-up, laced them into their
corsets and helped test perfumes.
I have no fear of actual prom night, most of my teachers
know I have a girlfriend. If they don’t well, they’ll soon find out and
hopefully it will be a secondary paedophilia deterrent. All my school friends
already know, and I’m supporting the foundation of a Eli and Mel fanclub, so
no worries on that front. Perhaps there is a small part of me conditioned to
believe that at least one of us should be wearing a tux. On the other hand,
after having a dream in which Eli and I got married, both wearing white poofy
dresses and walking down the aisle together, I can feel some of my social conditioning
slipping away.
A quick word for our less fortunate LGBT brethren. When exploring
ideas for this post I came across this title on the guardian website “School
cancels prom over fear of lesbians”. Dear lord, fear? What do they think we’re
going to do to them? Essentially a girl wanted to bring her girlfriend as a
date to prom, so it got cancelled. This doesn't seem any different to when black
people were barred from clubs or Jewish people were barred from restaurants. If
you agree with that, politely put, you are a lemon and I'm glad that your prom
got cancelled because you didn't deserve it. Any lesbians are welcome to come
with me and Eli. We will stage a lesbian prom take over, eat everyone’s toes and
use their eyebrows for our witchcraft. Luckily this story did spawn some rather
funny motivational posters, I have included for your enjoyment.
Much love, white wine, balloons and dancing,
Your Mel x
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